Journey to the MOS

Back in 2005 ..
for this blog took a longgg time to reach its intended destination...
residing under draft status
.. spending a lonely new years eve by itself ;(


>>
Ohh doesnt Christmas fill you up with such warmth and cheer
that you want to just give everybody a big huggg
...
yahh rightt..
depending on who is near u i guess ;p


Another christmas came and left
And somehow year by year the magic of Christmas fades
a pale form of what it was when I was small and christmas trees were tall
yeahhh
now im not soo talll ... and christmas trees are still very tall
i still cant hang the lights without help from a laddle ..;p


Christmas eve was spent hanging out with sab and cora ;p
planned to go MOS ..finally
BUT the queue was amazing
it defys logic..
it just wasnt moving
everybody just looked they have been standing there like.. forever
it seems as if everybody came at the same time
"whomp" and the queue just fell from the sky into place


To avoid spending Christmas eve waiting for in a queue ...
although the crowd looked like they were having loads of fun *rolls eyes*
we went ta MOMO ..
and they were playing christmas songs !!
urgh?! hello.. 10pm already..
but it was then the first tingle of the christmas warmth wiggled its way through my body
ahh.. finally some christmas spirit in my cold cynical heart ;p


But since no one was dancing .. we decided to walk back to Clark Quay
and galk at the queue at MOS
hopping for some eye candy
and maybe some kind .. but very foolish but still very cute soul
would invite us to join them in the queue ;p


Anywaz.. we noe how that would end up
for naught of course
;p
soo in the end we opt for having some munchies at TCC to while the time away
and we talked
and talked
and talked


and suddenly.. people around us were shouting
"Merry Christmas!!"
....
i guess the christmas crept up on us..
and we dint even noe it..
but it was a nice cosy way to spend it..
we then proceeded to party the night away at momo
getting picked up by some young .. er boys
hiaz..
some things never change ;p


>> Then .. with music still in our blood
we planned to go MOS on the following Wed..
but alas ...it was another failed attempt ;p
and we missed the whole gp of salsa ppl who went there..
dang..


>>finally ..
on Friday .. we decided to go by hook or by crook ;p
Had a salsa gathering at the beach during the day
and got gloriously suntanned.
First time having an actual potluck on the beach
Usually when ppl say they will bring food..
it usually consists mainly of chips ..;p
but surprise ..surprise
baked rice-nuggets-spring rolls-jelly-sandwiches-punch-pizza.
wowz.. im impressed.. and very full
my little contribution was corn chips, salsa, and squeeze cheese>>
a most ingenious piece of food technology .
who ever thought you can squeeze cheese outa can..
and into ur mouth .. hehe


plus.. short bursts of beach captain's ball and frisbee..
mixed in with a bit of rugby whenever possible ;p
swimming with rita
being fed stawberries by sabrina..
dancing salsa in the sand with fadz
what a rose-hued day
i cant wait to see the pics they took


MOS>> me, sab, cora, yunfeng, rita, joyce..
queued freaking 2 hrs to get in
and .. hmm...while the interior deco was amazing
them music left me wanting
1 word : uninspiring


>> News years day after
was a quiet affair ..
catching fire works at the padang
Sky flowers.. amazingly pretty
one of those things ..
that even wide screen tv cant convey its magnificence, its beauty, the scale of its enormity ...


2006 >> Soo when's the next party ??
School has been freaking busy
i think im soo gg to die this term
classes are competitive with demanding professors
gym has become an obsession that i cannot ignore
salsa practices are becoming a chore
cant wait to do muay thai again this week
itching to give the good old sandbag a whack
Loreal e-strat is tedious.. and getting boring
Loreal brandstorm has just began
Research work is piling up
Marketing for muay thai is taking up too much time
I am fighting a sugar craving that even willy wonka cannot satisfy
My heart .. is running on its own mind..
dragging a confused me along
yoyoing between sadness.. happiness.. hopelessness and whistfulness
my brain is still on holiday and refusing to come back
in conclusion .. im going .. bonkers


But whats new ;p


>> 1 last party before true mugging begins: Lights Out bash at MOS
Hopefully with R&B at the main dance floor..
it will be more bearable
plus with lots of other friends there
let it be happening..
pleaseeee.....

BORING BROWN

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

Pah!.. i sound boring ;p hahhahah man.. i cant believe it

*Ambrosia*

I <3 celeste's aviators..

My try at being lao dah .. with sabrina as my ..ermm mistress??? hahhaha

Pride and Prejudice

Pride complicates matters
it brings upon
words that shouldnt have been said
sliences that should have been filled
actions that should not have been taken
things that we should have done


and most of all regret


If you are lucky enough,
like Elizabeth Bennet
you get to remedy it before its too late..
but its never too late right>>


hmmm ..
in the real life that we occupy ..
sometimes unhappily soo
we do leave things till its too late
and forever hold that little pang in the heart
for things unfulfilled ...


The film was great ..
while although not totally juciy like the book
it was enjoyable to see an adaptation that dint try to be "creative"
although mi and simin agreed that the whole show would be much more "watchable" if the actors were better looking. ;p
They made Biggings look like an arse from 'dumb and dumber'
Jane look like a 'crossed-eye more plain jane'
and Darcy unfortunately looks abit pudgy ..
he lacks the sharp sardonic air ..
I think Ewan Macgreggor would be soo much better ..
even Ralph Finnes..
and where is my Liam Neelson
*blah*
but thats sterotyping right.. hmmm


I guess to do the other actresses justice..
you just cannot look good when you are acting opposite Kiera Knightly
she is just too beautiful ..
perhaps the whole show was cast around her
;p


But it is lovely to hear english spoken soo
I love the way the old english language flows ..
and the cutting brittish accent
every word dripping with meaning
the subtilities of the language make every conversation laden with underlying themes
I have read pride and prejudice like 5 times.. and each time is a treasure hunt,
you rediscover gems and find new hidden meanings ..


just the other day at Kyno...
while browsing for Terry Pratchett books
I found a gaggle of teenage boys gushing over the author
at first i tot .. 'how tiresome .. what daft boys'
but since i was there.. i evesdrop while browsing
> a skill perfected by the female race eons ago ;p


And guess what ..
yes they were british
and somehow ..
even their gushings.. seem more ....cute ;p
hahha
im an accent-ist
find me a hot english bloke anytime ..
im just sit and hear him speak all dayyyyyyyyyyyyy/...


;p


::a day of sloching at home::
not so much outa my own will
but .. more of the will of my tummy :(
seem to have contracted some sorta gastric flu ..
yest night was a torture..
waking up to a persistent cramp in the abdomen
falling aslp in the toilet a couple of times..
but still my tummy has not left me in peace
*blah*


soo today im home-bound
shall do whatever domestic stuff that is required of mi
>>like finally cleaning my room ..after 1 year ;p
>>my shopping bags are creating a black whole in the center of my room
i keep heaping them into a pile..
but they never seem enough..
soon it will occupy a alternte dimension of its own
and start consuming the rest of my room ;p


*yawnz*
Yunfeng says that Mr Darcy doesnt exist in real life..
I shall beg to differ
he is the closest character to real life
for while he has his flaws .. he works towards whatever he feels is right
and for the best of Elizabth
Soo Mr Dracy shall remain my dream prince..
for now ...
and in my reality ..
Ewan is Darcy :)
coo


*might have to skip mambo tonight*
soo soori ben..
cant be a bunny for ur bachelor night
im sure you can find bouncier bunnies out there .. ;p
hehe


For now i need to busy myself on research about anti-money-laundering laws
how interesting
Zzzzzzzzz..


:: hope is a dangerous thing to have .. but i hope ...i hope that the memories i have left in the dregs of your mind.. will leave a lasting imprint with sprinkles of stardust and glitter ...that will bring a smile to your face whenever you think of me ...::

*goldie*

*blig bling*
the shine is blinding me..
i see the future..
my trip to GUESS has got me Paris Hilton ambitions
flashes of gold with quirky accessories ..
*dreamz*
and soo i drift in my own world as i shop
until i bumped into Guan Hua
sitting by himslef, as girls mualed around him, ignoring his prescence
thats because he is "the invisible boyfriend"
the ones that fade into the shadows during sale and appear at the cash register .. with a strong willing arm, waiting to be loaded


ahhh
howw sweet..
i wish i had one..
mine just grumble and give me a time limit
every shop becomes a race.. a battle.. a stressful exercise ;p


Anywaz... i decided to plonk down beside him and have a friendly chat
which turned out to be a quick lesson on Mars and Venus ;p
>he said that men are naturally designed to be useless at shopping
because they can only focus on one thing at a time
and it just gets overwhelming with soo many clothes sometimes
>while women can scan and take in more things in one view
which also means we can check out a cute guy with our peripheral vision
while guys get caught checking girls out easily
LOL
> i made a reference to how guys cannot multi-task
and he said that is why when a guy is asked by his gf if he has thought of her the whole day... he will have to say no..
But the girl can say honestly that she has thought of him the whole day - while doing other stuff..


hmmm... seriouss.....
anywaz.. I wouldnt trust a guy if he said he has been thinking of me the whole day
that reeks of a huge flowerful lie


but would I want my bf to be a artful lyer???..
welllllll
if it makes me happy
i guess.. a teeny weeny white lie would do sometimes
like telling me how beautiful i am
how he wont mind if i ever become fat
how my face is actually better than the SKII model
how he worships the ground walk on
yeahhhhhhhhhhh right
like that would ever happen ;p


He wouldnt even walk slower for me
while i limp along on my bai kah leg down the stairs ;p
what a caring bf..
i imagine he would be a lovely father
training all his kids to develope strong leg muscles once they can walk
trying to keep up with him and not get lost ;p


I told him ..
I saw ci-ern's bf shielding her from the cold up on the freezng mountains
~ memories flashed back to Stong and Europe
and i got an insight (bright light and angelic music)..
>>he would never do that ...
if we were ever in a similar position
he would probably be too busy cursing about how cold he is
to bother about me
sad but true...
although he denied ...
it was a denial without much fight ;p
ahh welll
soo much for needing a hero


great ...
i am a kick-ass gal
and no one needs to take care of me yahh
that seems to be the general thought
hmmm i guess that comes with not having a heaving bossom
>> u will not have no big-strong alpha males wanting to sweep u away to some safe place (preferbly into their big-strong chests) ;p
*pui*


Anywazz...
The Decent was a great movie-- seriously fightful.. in a good way
i think it was inspired by Smeggle..from LOTR
but those smeggles are more blood-lusting than devious
:6 women getting caved-in in some ulu cave and meeting those creatures
robin said there woudlnt be much of a movie if it was 6 guys..
as guys would have made a quick job of those smeggles
but i shall treat that as a sexist remark and not comment
for some things .. rolled eyes will do


However the caving sceens are amazing thou
really inspiring to see those women do cool shit
makes me wana jump straight up and start doing cross crountry runs and rock climb and white water raft... and develope washboard abbs ;p
but that would also mean i have to open doors, carry my own bag and limp on my one good leg by myslef for teh rest of my life


ahhhh the choices we have to make ;p


on a happier note:
i got my grade review
although a B+ is still very gloomy :(
But with eyes like Rasphutin .. i would rather not talk to him anymore
I feel myself shrinking like Alice in wonderland everytime i talk to Menkoff


Kiwi on the other hand gave me an A+
!!! woohooo !!! go Supply Chain !!!
I wonder if the rest of the class saw it coming
i must admit .. we must have looked like a pretty bimbo gp heheh


Unfortunatly a 3.8 avg this term is soo not gg to get me my magna
blah


why oh why


sighz


i miss the flippant way you flip your hair, your yellow tinted smile, your jacket that kept me warm

Carnivore no more and scarred leggs

*Groanz*
NO MORE MEAT
for a while at least ;p
Just got back from a huge dinner at Carnivore, Chijmes
Despite whatever my teamates had said during the trek that they could eat a whole cow ..we could hardly stand after half an hour of meat being served continuously to us... bleah .. the bbq-ed pineapple near the end was a nice touch thou.. the caramised sweetness.. balanced the tartness of the fruit and cleansed the palette of all the heavy meat taste..*yum*


Too bad it came abit too late.. i think Heng puked it out after we left
Sad to say it wasnt a very nice warm ending to one of the most grueling trek i have attempted to date. And I thought i was prepared for anything after going to Tahan ;p
Well i was prepared for everything other than 7 .. no 8 days of RAIN .. *bleah*
And all that could possibly go wrong ..did.. well kinda off..


Journal of the trek


Start of trek:
It was then we knew why it was called ulu sepat..
yes yes.. because it is freaking ulu
the trip to the starting point of the trek was a difficult one
the roads are almost inaccessible with loose soil ..
the 4 wheel drive got caught in the mud countless times and we were forced to get out and WALK through the freaking mud soo that the driver, Shafik can force his jeep through... at 3am in the morning.. *brrrr*


=stop=
needa pack ...gg for kayakking expedition tml
haizz.. regreting it terribly now man..
if it rains again tml i will throw my paddle at the sky and start raving at it .. and then just throw my wretched body into the sea .. in defeat..
How can anyone be possibley sooo suay .. maybe because its in my name *yun* ..
Clouds have a speacial affinity to me .. ;p esp those big, fat and juicy with rain ;p urgh
The laugh with glee everytime they see me .. they go *hoho there she is.. lets follow her and drench her and cover her from the evil sun*
*pui*
i miss the gals.. and wana SHOP with simin before she leaves.. *sobs*
and now that i got my RA $$$$..i can go crazy !!!!
hiazz got money but no time to spend.. i shd just hit myself on the head on the wall ;p


Nevermind.. shopping therapy will come soon
and Work is in waiting in line
maybe a facial and manicure too to remind my body that it is a lady and not a wild jungle woman..although my body will beg to differ.. my legs are now a criss-cross of scars and sand fly bites ;p ..


im crossing my fingers for *km reveiw* and my supply chain results


My dear Kwee .. please dnt let mi down


to u: I hope you feel better .. your misery makes mi feel horrible


soo many words i cannot say .. and shall not say

*Pooh*

Gosh ..
its been a long time since i jotted down my thoughts.
so many things have happened
and yet the ironic thing is
the more things happen .. the less time i have to write


but looking back..
im not sure if i had a good term or not :(
Just got back my spanish and marketing strat grades..
and B+ and a A- respectively ..
sighz.. looks like repeating a stella year of 4 GPA is near impossible
maybe i migth not even get another deanlist..
le sighz..
*dissapointment hangs heavily in the air*


Robin tries to cheer mi up..
but .. he doesnt get it that im not sad. NONONO..
Im angry with myself..
I noe i dint apply enough of myself into those 2 .. especially spanish .
I am angry at my incompetence...
When u have reach soo far..
falling below expectations is hard to swallow


ben said to me ..
if you have no expectations.. you will not be dissapointed.
funny .. thats what DL siad about relationships ..
But i said .. if u have no expectations, you will hae no goals, you have no goals, you will not reach far, if you do not reach far, you wont move


Thats different in a relationship right? i dunoe..
i do not set goals in my relationship.
like ..err *i want a A in kissing technique* and a *A+ in positioning * .. ;p
hehehee..


BUT some good things did happen:
> we won first prize in the Triumph Marketing competition !!!
Team Maxx: simin, cora, jeffery, alvin and me..
Although there were many sleepless nights, long meetingss and unhealthy snacks... ;p at least it was funny.. alot of lame bra jokes that seemed funnier at 3 am in teh morning .. -AND will not leave the room.. * i swear*
We had seemed like an unlikely group, but looks like we pulled the stunt of the year !!
haha and there seemed to be unhappy competitors .. according to alvin: there was a competitor from SMU no less, who panned our marketing plans on her blog:
I could barely contained my smirk as i read it.
>>SHe sounded really bitter, and she thought her group's idea was a sure winner, but the judges just did not understand it fully.
*rolls eyes* .. i mean the whole point of the competition is to COMMUNICATE your idea to the judges and to IMPRESS upon them how your idea will benefit their company. I like your idea of a gothic fariy tale..seriously .. i have always thought a darker twist to fairy tales was tres chic.. but exactly, the idea is not NEW- if you think its the greatest most innovative idea of the century..
>> Please! the idea was sooo LAST CENTURY.. if you are up-to-date with the promotions of companies out there ~ which you should if you want to be a decent marketing major~ the idea was used by many already...
like Dior's last season fashion show and even the ENVY levis ads now for the ladies jeans.. reaks of your idea.. *pui*
Okay .. i have ranted enough ..I just couldnt stand the sourness, the arrogance.. :P *too bad you have no money to go Thailand now.. if you need to depend on winning a competition to go to somewhere soo near like Thailand, then you are not only a lousy marketing student, you are a lousy finance student, bec you cant even handel simple budgeting to save like what, a measly $600 ??* *snigger*


Okayyyyy i ranted more.. sorri.. no more ranting, no more bitchness- i shall retract my claws ;p xxxxxxx


>I finally got my first sports medal in my university life. haha.. not a very glam IVP medal.. but still a medal ...for the SMU runabout.
Team SMUX : yu jian, robin, heng, alvin and me.
BUT we dint compete in the CCA catergory.. being astute game theorist that we are.. we have decided that the Nash Equlibrium lies in us taking part in the "open" catergory... where our odds are better.. why compete with the track and field team?? Let the floorball, soccer, rugby fight it out amongst themselves for the so called "blonde" as Nash would say.. we on the other hand will go for the "brunette" ;p and we got the babe !! 2nd prize.. with $$ in sportslink voucher yet spent ;p


Took part in the ultimate frisbee competition: dint win anything.. but got free booze all round at Brewerkz!!!.. someone fom the frisbee team was VERY GENEROUS. I think he was drunk when he offered to buy us more drinks. hehe and I made sure to look everyone in the eye when toasting - so as not to have bad sex for 7 years ..LOL
The 7-8 pints was not very kind to my gut thou.. me and robin blacked out in front of my house.. with the car door open... because i REFUSED to get outa car.. i came around at like 4am to find him sleeping on the cement floor beside the car.. omg ! I am amazed at how safe my neighbourhood is. AND that also means too that robin is not strong enough to carry me up to my house.. ;(
HOWHOWHOW .. my wedding night ... *hmf* .. this problem shall be dealt with soon. hahah He will have to do more push-ups ;p


ANwaz i puked like i have never puked before. Beer still brings shudders down my spine .. *brrrrr*


Ahh well. lesser booze.. lesser calories ;p but ohh!!! i cant wait to go clubbing again! i feel like DANCING!!! needa shake that huge booty of mine.. its getting big enough to play mahjong on ;p


Sadly this holiday would not the season to be a merry.. I do NOT do merry :p
pah..anwayz still have Andre's and Francis research ..
still meeting Triumph to settle the follow up of our plans..
still going trekking in Malaysia . yeah! clearing another 2 of the G7 of Malaysia! ~Another 7 days of kickass climbing.. no bathing.. instant food ..lousy sleeping conditions, perpetual rain with lots of LEECHES .. URGH !But still the ideal sounds tantalising.. call me crazy .. call me anythign you like actually .. as long as you are out of hearing range ;p


> Plus Kayakking around Sinagpore and Ubin after i come back .. yeahh to feel the power of the sea.. its great to be in the elements of nature.. that is if i do not come back with "pai kah", "pai qui" or both from the trek ;p
because, you see..I havent mastered the art of paddeling with my tongue yet .. hehehe


AHh i can hear terry calling mee....shall not keep him waiting . ;p
I shall cuddle up with my latest Terry Pratchett book now ..
I love Borders !!!..
did i mention i love borders ..
yes I love Borders !!
hahhaa


BUt the man of my live now is not terry thou ..
its DOnnie !!!
*Le Swoon*.. he is amazingly hot in Sha Po Lang .. the new chinese movie
about .. triads and police in HK..
apparently after Infernal Affairs..
now everybody wants to produce a Traid-Police Movies ..*rooooolllls eyyeees twice*
And they say only the Sinagporeans are unimaginative.. ;p


But no complains here.. the movie: SPL, was filmed and produced artisitically .. very darkish stylised film.. showed signs of Quientan Tarrantino's genius .. with a yummylicious donnie yen .. srutting around in tight leather jacket, and even tighter pants.. and *holds-breath* circulation cutting tight balck shirt ..
the story gets more exciting as he takes off more clothes.. lol
sounds porno yea..i think i sound like some lecherous old man watching a shu qi movie.. ;p
Duuhhhhh


Good night.. back to my books .. and maybe tonight i shall have sweet.. ~ note: NOT WET ;p dreams of Donnie in his hottest black carrying me up to my house while im drunk .. hahhaha... * pish* .. someone hit me ..pleaseeee...

Jeepers Creepers

Today I saw a most gruesome sight
I thought i would have lost my appetite for the day
*although that thought perked mi up for awhile since that would mean i would stick to my diet*
unfortunately .. nothing can gross me enough to loose my appetite for long ;p


>> I was happily walking along to school from the Raffles MRT.. reading my 8 days
when outa the corner of my eye... i though i saw something unbeliveable
i took a second glance to make sure im not hallucinating
when *gasps* its true....


A very terrible case of cellulite !!!!


>> noo nooo * shakes head* im not being bitchy..
i mean eveyrbody faces problem with some cellulite
i have it and i hate my legs..
unless you happen to be a stick thin
which unfortunately ..ALOT of SMU girls are...
*grrrr bitchyness level rises*


>> anyway this plump..NOT fat girl was walking in front of mi
wearing a freaking short skirt (it barely touched her ass... i noe, i noe ~ i wear short skirts too..but... thats another story ;p)
and the back view of her legs is like the picture above..but worse
I could actually see her upper inner things rubbing against each other as she walked..
*bile rising* ~ retching sounds
i hope for the good of mankind..that she is actually wearing cuellots (Spelling error..but u get what i mean ;p)
Would not, alot of people will be regurgitating their lunches when she "zhao geng"
i think she might have caused some road accidents along the way
~ drivers cannot clutch their eyes in agony and stear the car at the same time


whats up man
have some sense of self awareness here
it seems to be the classic case of the ostrich syndrom
~ "if i cant see it ..its not there" ~
well you cant see it ..but everyone else CAN !!
please dont scare people like that..
chinese 7 month over liao..


*LESSON OF THE DAY*
Please look at the mirror for your back view, side view,up view,down view etc.
before you leave the house
i mean .. what the heck ~ get a large 3-way mirror just to be safe..;p


Please note: I DO NOT have anything against fat people..
I think im rather fleshy myself too
I emphatise..
I am not evil
well... maybe slightly..its the time of the night .hehhe;p
but im biased against silly people who do silly things.
i dnt think they can sue mi in court for it right..?
i mean its a utilitarian view of things
i just want the best for mankind ..
"world peace" ~bimbo smile
Waves goodbye
time to sleep ..
hope i dont get nightmares tonight


meanwhile i shall strive for legs like these:



*everybody can dream... cant they*

tales of a mad woman

Madness
The past 2 weeks have been super hectic
deprived of exercise, sleep, healthy food and sun
i desperately need some Vit D
But from the looks of things, i am destined to look like the undead for the rest of the term.
Palor so doesnt become me :(
slowly becoming pale,fat and pimply *groanz*


I think im crazy
just today, i have met 2 profs and taken on 2 more jobs.
A research assitant for Francis Koh and a teaching assistant for BP
Plus the research assitant for Andrer Bonfrer that i am already currently..
I forsee alot more sleepless nights ;p
Sufferance is the badge of my ... self ? haha
shakesphere i am not


I noe robin will say im greedy !!
but the money is good ~$10 an hr ..
dreams of shopping bags float into view..
ahhhhhh
yess... MANGO, ZARA, GUESS, ROXY... *drool*
i wana shop !!!
i still have $50 Mango voucher left from my bdae gift ;p
Is there no one else !!! Is there no one else !!! ..
out there who will go shopping wif mi ? :)


But it is not only about the money of course.. im NOT THAT materialistic ;p
the experience of research work will help mi regardless of whether i wana go into the consulting industry or try for a fellowship for PhD.
I just really really hope that i can cope with all this work load..
plus mugging for my grades
and practising salsa.. and mauy thai
and make myself physically fit in time for the trek at the end of the year...
*looks into the sky for some divine intervention*


I never knew or foresaw that i would become such a student..
Actually I also dunoe what kinda student i am now..
For the longest time in my yr 1 of Uni.. i have always been an average student..
very low key, plain, not in the "in" crowd, fluked my Comms presentation until i have lost all confidence..


What has changed between these 2 years..
I seem to expect more of myself.. more and more..
The pressure to do well buids up every year
But yet I dnt feel that i have changed much ..
i still feel like a plain, lowly student that nobody thinks much of
I wonder how do others see mi as a student of SMU, as a person
ahh welll
cannot think too much
* go munch on some chocolates to think happy thoughts *


~ a few seconds later...
Happy thoughts !!!... happy thoughts !!..
hmm...
>>KTV with the SMUX ppl last saturday..
Melvin, Dom , Weijie, Jackie .. all KTV kings *swoon*


>>Won the SMU Runabout ! 2nd place Open catergory with robin, yujian, heng, alvin
I never knew Alvin can run soo fast .. :P
hehe.. soo all the bulk is really muscles ehh.. hmmm


>>Our Triumph competition's piece was finally done and handed in.. thanks babes for all the laughs and reviving the memory of my secondary school projects..the overnight stay at my house was definatly sumthing i have never done in a long long time..
just hope that we can all do it again in a different setting.. with some movies, hot chocolates, face masks and loads of gossip ;p
althou the result dint turn out like what we expected, hopefully they can sense our totally amazing vision... :p


>> night bike was last last week (yeah i havent wrote in a loggg time)
.. its great to feel the wind in my face again.. my cycling experience seems to be limited to how many nightbikes SMUX has ;p
~the geylang tour..the campy games..the freaking steep hill up kent ridge park..with a lovely co-GL by my side..

>> my 2 year anniversary with robin is coming next saturday ! haha..
i cant think of what to get him... help ! i need some inspiration..
He has been a sweetie.. delivering Macs to my house for supper at 2 am.. to eat with mi and do work. It great that he is finding his way around school and trying to extend his social circle.. which seemed to have evolved into the "inner circle" which is not very "inner" or circular anymore ;p


I cant imaging that we have been together for only 2 years..
it seems like forever already..
In such a short period of time, we have been on a cruise, to Aur, Bangkok, Puket, Barcelona, Rome, Paris, Venice, England, Hong Kong...
maybe we can hosts a traveling show.. :P
ahh the ultimate dream job.. ~
"wish you were here" postcards fluttering in the sky...

HOW TRUE.. hmm but does that mean Melvin is like tat too ?? since he has the same birth date ;p lol

Your Birthdate: May 4

Being born on the 4th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize. Sincere and honest, you are a serious and hard working individual. Your feelings are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. The number 4 has something of an inhibiting effect on your ability to show and express affections, as feeling are very closely regulated and controlled. You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. There is a good deal of rigidity and stubbornness associated with the number 4.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Hmmm..

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

~ Amused ~

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Beer Belly Upz

Been a busy busy week
almost maddening ...
soo many ppl to meet ..
soo many companies to beg
soo many activities to join


but i keep procrastinating
i just dnt feel like connecting with other people..
its tiring... because you need to make the effort to communicate
and i could just feel myself shrinking into a shell
i just wana hide somewhere and study


be like a turtle..


to maintain a certain sembience of sanity ..
i did a "alvin"..
i just played the same song over and over again on my laptop
thankfully i had better earphones..
and dint drive anybody to jump of the lib block by making them hear the same song for the 50th time ;p
~kelly (of superidol fame) :: Bei Ai De Nu Ren ::
I dunoe why .. but that song just struck a cord in mi .. such anguish ..
it feels great to sing the anguish outa ur heart... makes it feel less burdened


But i digressed>>
Losta of things happened for the past week.
Looks like some subconcious part of me is on a devious plan to drive myself crazy ..


~Me and sab went on the tryouts on tuesday and got into the latin dance performance group..
how exciting..
although i had went in with the feeling of ... "its okei if i dnt get in.. im quiet sucky anywazz"
but once you have performed...
the nerves get to you ..
you just dunwana fail..
when you have put ur heart doing something well .. you just cant walk away with a defeat


And i have found for myself another NY alumni ..
my dance partner..
who was a good dancer and smelled very nice..hmm
women are ruled by their heart..
im ruled by my nose .. ;p


Surprise, surprise ~some guys atcually went to learn salsa during their NS..
*gosh*
jaw drops..
maybe im not knowing the right type of guys..
lol


And because of the salsa trials.. we missed some of ben's performance at Canava ...in Chijmes..
we proceeded to rest our feet and enjoyed some beer..
sch a nice atmosphere.. and yes althou the Hoobastank song :The Reason: was overplayed..
Ben wasnt keen on playing it..but he still sang it on request anywaz..
oh come on... its such a crowd fav..
one of those songs you can sing your heart out to regardless you are drunk or not ..;p
its nice too see smu ppl gathered in some place other then in class.. in kopitiam or in the toilet (which is where i end up meeting alot of friends incidentally~by that i mean my female friends ;p)


BEER ..its such a amazing useful thing..
makes you high..
warms you up
a conversation starter..
And best of all..
numbs you to terrible singing ..
which was why ..i bought more beer for myself when the second band after JetlaxXx came on.


Please// if you fancy yourself a rocker.. play rock tunes..
you cant think that bec pop has more mass appeal.. then you try and do some pop/rock mumbo jumbo
unless you happen to be ..ermmm ...Alien Ant Farm or someting..
~you cant have your cake and eat it !!
who.. you tell mi WHO plays a rock version of spice girls' 2 become 1 !!!
urgh !!
*in my beer haze*..i can imagine the rolling stones .. all having instantaneous heart attacks together..if they were there that night.. an amazing finale that would be ... *very drama* ..


ANYWAZ.. okie.. forget what i said.. im sure they have their share of fans.. ermmm i think i noe one of them *rolls eyes*
haha both bands are playing again this tuesday i think...Jetlaxa .. i stress will be playing at 10pm .. this time... soo no point going earlier yah ;p


~Hmm more abt Chijmes..
went there again on friday night..
haha i think me and sab are gg to set a tradition of having it as a drinking night ;p


~But friday nigth got off to a bad start when i fluffed my stretching exercise during Muay Thai
everytime i do 1 exercise wrong.. 10 squats for everyone..
damn ..i dnt noe we did how many .. my thighs still ache now ;p
i think i became very very black face..( i wonder how i look when im angry.. must be very ugly ..yucks)
johnny and sam were like... *are you okie.. its alright you noe.. we all dio it too*
but ..nah i wasnt angry with the instructor ... i was angry with myself !
i cant believe i did the stupid routine soo many times and yet i cant remember it ..
soo daff .. and everyone had to do the squats with me.. feel soo bad. :(


~but johnny was very nice in helping me with my techniques later.. he is truely very patient..
esp with someone who has no psychomotor skills and a short attention span.. like me..
maybe i can ask for some private lessons * ;p * lol


i tot i would be having dinner alone.. on a friday night !
when evryone had to leave after muay thai
but amazingly.. sab was gg to have beer with the er jun, ben and shuan in sch
hahaha
soo i trughed back to sch ..abit duh ..but .. who can resist some Stella Artois !!
we had a small drinking session at a gsr..and i was giving an impromtu massage service..
the whole set up seem sleazy man.. lol .... but its not...
i just wonder what would the Dean think if he happened to walk by ..


after the dive meeting started.. me and sab proceeded to cafe cartel to make a pig of ourselves..
too bad nobody else was ard to help us finish the food..*burps*
Oh man good food and beer... deja vu ...ehh sab..
we chatted until the dive meeting ended and met the dive com ppl at chijmes and proceeded to have more wine at Esmiralda..
now that is a totally diff drinking enviornment ;p haha
rustic wooden tables.. wine..garlic bread.. music playing in the background..
ahhh... provience spain perhapes ??


~soo there we were..stuffed... a little tipsy..
but when someone mentioned KTV... there were still enough survivals to band together to head dwn to orchard party world..
~singing till the wee hours of the morning..where i found that
* Dom.. is a regular KTV king ..wooo *claps* .. he does not need a tight underwear to hit those notes !!
* Jasmin, Jessen and me (Jaslyn) .cannot read chinese for nuts.. ahh is there a corelation there
* i am the only one that must sing with the singer's voice on..(all self respecting KTV-ers are out there shaking their heads..)
* sab has a cute voice when she is singing .. abit like my sis.. hehhe
* i still need more work on my "bei ai de nu ren" >> more tight underwear reinforcements
*ozzy is looking more and more like ben .. hmm... *raised eyebrows*


okei i shall not go on.. or ill kena whack..


ahh well. and soo the amazingly packed week ended with a weekend of mugging
kopitaim for meals both on sat and sun ..
how sad can that be *sniff*
but the weeks seem to be flying by..
its gg ot be week 5 and i still feel like i have just began.. hiaz.. damn wait for me..!!!!


:: ohh today is mid-autum fest::
mooncakes galore !!! yumzz chomp !!
~bishan park will be very prettily lit tonight
.. and i get the best veiw ...

cherry flavored dreamz

*groans*
body ache
all over
ohhh the pain !!! the agony !!


but all seems to be for naught..
cause i ate back what i burned at muay thai
all the suffering gone to waste
damn...


although good food, good company, good ambience was a nice way to spend friday night
guo teh dinner and beer with shisha after that...
unexpected company .. but delightful nonetheless


there we were ..trying to act like arabic shieks ..
i took a HUGE breath of cherry flavored smoke in
held it and breath it out..
but there was no smoke !! wtf did it go ...
i left with a tummy bloated full of cheery flavored smoke..
and noo... i did not fart out cherry scented farts.. *ewww*

lousy lah ..

i guess..im not up to being a oil-rich shiek
but .. a full beard and white robe is just soo not me either...
although finding one as a sugar daddy would be not soo bad a idea..


but baikun was amazing ...
he can make the smoke come outa his mouth, his nose, his ears ..
in torrents ..
sab says he looks like a dragon and we captured it on video..
ohh my.. hmm what were we thinking ..
lol



hmmm
but its such a feel-good expereince ..
beer and conversation late into the wee hours ..
too bad we dnt do this more often...
people just dnt seem to be connecting with other people anymore
a meal is a meal ..
we are all soo wrapped up in our own lives

but who can be blamed..
im sure the smu proffs are gg to be solely responsible for the death of a young rain forest with this term's readings alone.
quick somebody call Greenpeace !!!


Oohh talking about sch stress..
i dozed off today while waiting for a call
and... dreamt of Glenn Wharthon ... ~~~~
:: saw him at a school fuction .. racked my brain to say sumting to him ..since he is my spanish proff ... blurted a good morning.. when *horrors* its actually evening ... * he corrected mi .. i shuttered... and *ring*
a phone call woke mi up ...
damn..


i think it can be classified a nightmare..
like one of those we have before the day of our exams .. when we dream of failing our paper or our textbooks attacking us (im serious .. my friend had that dream before our physics paper)
never knew spanish causes such anexity to my subconcious ...
lol..
either that or i habour a crush on glenn .. soo secret that i dnt even noe abt it ..
*ewwww* ..
Noo......... never


there was another dream... but... its was too freakily weird ...even to write it dwn ..
*gossbumps*

Anwazz.. back to work ..
~lalalala
i wana dance~ i wana dance ~ i wana dance !!!
hiaz

Masks

a qoute that floated across the room from the TV caught my attention ::


" men find it hard to take down their masks .. while women put on too many masks "


my chinese translation skill is not too hot.. but im sure i got the gist ..
i went... omg
thats it ..isint it
such clarity of thought..
and all these while here we are trying to figure if men came from mars and women came from venus...


since we all come from this so-call planet earth ..soo how different can we be ??
i mean we go through life together, experience the same things, eat the same food...
but men and women realtionships seem to exist outside the boundaries of common sense..
it not just about biology....or hormones or ... time spent in the bathroom..


basically we can and we should be able to communicate with each other
but we just do not want to
we choose not to ..
we hide behind excuses of differences..
masks ..
for reasons only we know..


I have many ..
too many .. that everytime i take one off i find another one..
soo where is the real me..
maybe there is never one..
maybe they are all me ....

one big headache

no mood to party

possessiveness, paranioa and jealousy...

driving me up the wall

ridiculous accusations

as if anybody else will want mi..

hiaz

No Espanol ~~

Hola...
Sadly..I have to say adios to my 3 term pipe dream of learning spanish ... :(
Ahhhh ..si si
I just dnt have enuf edollars
and its nobody else's fault but mine ;p
~ for squandering my edollars on the likes of dear old TBS
.. i guess my skirt wasnt short enough ;p

School is into its second week and the most happening place is the library
says alot about our sch culture aii
Sadly the freshmen bash seems lackluster soo far
no buzz no excitment
and what kinda cheesy theme is Rendezvous??
urgh...
tacky !!!!!!
and it doesnt help that Hotel Rendezvous is right beside the school
doesnt seem very good if your event brings to mind a dubious 3 star hotel does it..


and it conjours up images of JC proms with themes like "starry night" or "retro night" ;p
with girls in dowdy Daniel Yam dresses and big hair looking like the 40 yr old aunties which the dresses were actually meant for...
~guys in loud shirts and even louder ties (their dad's) ...
with enough gel in their hair to brick the great wall of china..
the food is always bad (nobody actually eats it)
the music worse..
and the fashion of the teachers chaperoning ....worst...


but i guess that depends on which shcool you came from..
i noe SOME PEOPLE buy Hugo Boss suits for their prom..
ahh well..
but my prom wasnt all that bad...
I even had a prom date who actualy came to fetch me in a *gasp* mercedes...
taxi ;p


but anihow it was a real sweet move and very "high school"
~fulfilled my lifelong wish of being like a typical american teenager..
although noo.. it wasnt very romantic and i dint have get a corsage... ;p

thats what silly thoughts you get from watching too many movies

i dnt think my sch actually had a prom date tradition -- too cheena
most of the guys are soo "traditionally chinese"..i think alot of them still have the same mentality as my dad's generation about women ..
which is ..that we, women shd stay at home .. cook and be a good wife/mother/cleaner
.....
Men


I use to think that SMU guys are different
that they are more open minded
about things like having a wife that earns more than them ..
or who aspire to be a CEO
and that they are not intimidated or put-off by a girl that is better than them .. and more driven than them


But is that true ??
Or are the nature of men such that
they admire girls who are driven and successful and smart
they like to look at girls who dress daringly..
They enjoy talking to girls who are friendly and speak their minds


BUT when they have a girlfriend...
they expect the girl to dress more conservetively..
to be willing to stay at home to take care of the kids
to ease talking soo much to other guys
and be there when they are needed...


Are these acceptable sacrifices that a girl has to make ..
some do it galdly because they are willing to change for love
but what if you are not willing??
kh once asked mi ...
shouldnt people be willing to change for love??
or sumting along that line


I use to think ..yes..
that love is all powerful...
but is there a limit ??
how much are u willing to change yourself for the person you love
shd we accept each other for who we are...
or impose changes

ahh welll.....
Just wish they will outlaw Daniel Yam dresses from all proms ;p

_____Have You Ever ?_____

Have you ever been in love

Been in love so bad

You'd do anything to make them understand

Have you ever had someone steal your heart away

You'd give anything to make them feel the same

Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart

But you don't know what to say

And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one

You've dreamed of all of your life

You'd do just anything to look into their eyes

Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to

Only to find that one won't give their heart to you

Have you ever closed your eyes and

Dreamed that they were there

And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

Pick and Bite ...

hmmm that just doesnt sound quite right..
i mean ... pick and bite ???
sounds like very bad table manners or very bad hygiene ..
definately not appetising ;p


But ....
it has nice food non-the less
haha


Nice dim-sum-ish cusine .. in nice kopitiam setting
just that the walk there is nto that nice
it is not along the way to the anywhere unless u happen to be going to the library
which is not often ....


But i think this will change soon
need to study
need to be prepared
need to be on top of the game again ..


i can feel my body tinggling with anticipation
i can smell the scent of an academic challenge
ohhh...
a fight
*sadistic grin*
im ready
bring it on
*inspirational music ~always the theme song of Rocky~ plays in the background*
and i raise with flames in the background ....


ohh deja vu... isint that like soooooooo action hero


okie.. how lame *rolls eyes and looses them*


;p


ahh need some motivation
i feel soo unprepared
soo inferior a student
need to find back my confidence


but to feel good
you need to look good too
sooo ...
nooo moreeee full meals
im looking ... err fulll figured to put it very politely ..
since we are in a polite society
but i dnt mind if i get a honest answer for once
everytime i ask ppl if im fatter .. they say noo
ohhh please.. can u all stop torturing me and tell me the truth
it will make me feel bad
yesss....
but bad is good
because bad will make u angry
and in anger there is great power
and with great power comes from great responsibility...
~hmm opps... nope thats from spiderman..


let me try again
with great power comes
great force
hmmm a good jedi you will make ..


OKAY
the moon is rising
corny levels rising uncontrolably
i better log off
before i do anymore unrepearable harm to my blog
and my reputation
and any opinion of my sanity


ciao
adios
~i hope i get spanish
*crossed fingers*

Never Wana Live in Hong Kong

Wooo the worse trip of my life sadly
Hong KOng was NOT what i expected it to be
Either I dint pay enough attention to those Hongkie dramas or Jackie Chan really brainwashed me with all those visit HK campaigns ;p


10 reasons why i will never wana live in HK
1) Most importantly-- although their currency is weaker then Singapore's-- their standard of living is higher... everything except booze and dim sum is expensive ;p


2) On the same line .. their shoes are freaking expensive !! S$50 a pair on avg, on sale !!! WTF !!!..Charles and Keith seems heaven-sent in comparison. ~No self-respecting gal can survive without a huge variety of afforadable shoes ...


3) the air is thick and smoggy and hot ... walking out in the streets even breathing is a chore.. and when its not sultry hot... it pouring wet


4) your view is limited to as far as the next building -- or if you are short like me.. the next guy in front of you... castrophobia alert !!!
If you think walking along the takasimaya/ wisma linkway on a saturday evening is a nightmare, u havent walked along the streets of hk on a normal weekday .. it seems like the whole population of hk is out in the streets which is weird considering that if given a choice i would rather be hiding in the santuary of my air-conditioned hotel room.


And there seem to be some competition going on in the area planning commmittee-- "lets see who can cramp as many buildings in a streets as possible" -- no space is too small to be left alone.. god ... i was soo happy when i travelled inland into shenzhen... finally i see rolling hills and wide open spaces.. the sky !!! i never realised how much space, nature, clean air is so important to me. Maybe thats why i enjoy treking.. answering my own call of nature ;p


5) A fashion capital .. HK is NOT
1 word.. weird!! Yes.. they have alot of yummy foreign brands like missy sixty ... Yes ...they have alot of nice skinny gals .. soo why are they all hiding thier lithe bodies under many many layers of clothes with crazy colour coordination ... i get a headache just walking into some of their stores... ~*oww too ..many colours.. my eyes ..cant take it *


6) the customs is slower then Malaysia's.... u would have thought that Aisan.. Chinese people can tell other asians apart easier... pui ! The custom officer was staring at our photographs like we are usuing fake passports ... as if everybody is dying to stay in HK or China for that matter .. robin got it worse... just because his passport pic showed him with LONG hair... and now he has SHORT hair ... DUH!...


7) ... errr... ahh well.... i guess i was miserably sick too... thus making hk seem terribly horrible ~ whatever that means


Anywaz.... i am happy to be back
Singapore is not perfect... but for now its home
and its home sweet home for me .. :)

HongKong ~ here i come

Freaking not enough sleep from Smux camp..
Trying to print out my travel plans for my mum
woke up at 4 am to pack and prepare..
for a 8 am flight
*yawnz*
I hope its all worth it ...


Many things have changed in the relationship
Bec of a few unexpected news
Perhaps it is what we need
but i wished we could have taken a easier route
But im glad i am who i am to be able to make the decisions i need to make
This is a story i reserve for later to tell ...
maybe never ...


Anywaz..
HK awaits us ..
for better or for worse
lets hope i get my money's worth ...


~Will buy goodies back for everybody ..
*maucks*

oh bitter heart.. why do you bleed

Im sick of all these he says
you are squeezing me outa your life
no matter how hard i try
i just get indifference
I no longer look forward to see you
if you were my friend .. i wont even look you up
are you trying to slowly kill me
to force me to break up with you..


So do you still love me i ask
he says he is doesnt feel anything ..
he feels empty..
he is bitter...


a run along rosy route that turned into a long long walk
silence..
i couldnt think of what to say
my mind was a blank
empty .. of words... of emotions


am i indifferent to him
am i not happy to be with him anymore
am i treating him badly
ignoring his efforts to be a better
do i still love him


silence..
he taunts me to reply
my mind is still a blank
say something, i tell myself
there has to be an end
to be a conclusion here


but what do i want the ending to be
do i walk away and leave all this behind
do i ask for forgiveness


The choices in life that we are forced to make
why is life soo cruel


in the end i decided to do what is expected
to ask for forgiveness
to ask for time to change
to ask to wait till the hk trip is over
before we decided if we are fated to be


maybe a few days alone together could hep sort things out
maybe it will help put our relationship into perspective
the litmus test .. such pressure on a simple trip
meant for leisure


maybe
alot of maybes
one day the maybes will run out
what will be left of me


does he truly love me
or have i already turned his heart into stone
a bitter heart ..
a cold cold heart..
no longer will he bleed for me then
is that what i want ...


what do i want


my heart refuses to answer


fuck u
my heart says
you never listened to me anywaz..

I wana be lost.. to float alone free

*bliss*
did PPT the whole day..
the theme was >> laundry
made bubbles bubbling up the screen with sound clips
perfection in animation...
I wish i can make lots of $$ outa doing powerpoints.. ;p


Life has not been good..
i swear im getting fat..
cant stop myself from eating :(
miss the days when i have the discilpline to eat like a rabbit..
maybe ill try more drastic measures when i stop working..
more time to exercise everyday and away from evilll food..
i think a huge problem is bec i eat with guys...
i eat normal portions.. sometimes more...
~joel always tempt me with deserts ... ;p


im sure the next 2 weeks till the end of my internship will fly by
~like a jetplane .. *sonic hopefully.. soo fast that i cant hear it*
maybe ill wake up one morning and go... *hi... what day isit today?..
ohh its a monday ... and im here-- sunning my big fat butt in my bed*
~with the sun climbing soo high that the morning had gotten tired of waiting for me
leaving in disgust .. with only the afternoon to glare down at my sheepish face..
okie... i am balbbering.... *falls dwn to earth*


Hmm how come i am surrounded by soo many depressed guys??
What isit about life that is soo sianzz?
look on the bright side..
even if u have to craw outa ur shell, outa the ground and under that rock to see it
there is always more to life
i love life ..
and i wana live it to the fullest
i wana have no regrets .. to live for myself
and myself only
BUT in a society where humans have to interact
there are cumbersome things like social ties--
responsibility to ur partner, accountability to ur parents and repect for the law...


even thou we talk about right of individual freedom..
we are still bounded by soo many responsibilities to fulfill..
have the society evolved all these years only to have more and more societal rules weighting us down...?
If soo i would rather be back in ancient times..
wearing just animal skins
--*not bec they are in fashion* but no more a slave of fashion i will become.. i can wearing clashing prints ( leopard over zebra maybe) for all i care..*
or if i fancy i can prance ard naked.. thou i suspect it gets pretty cold out there in the wild..
I will be a mini Zena warrior and spend my time roaming ard ..
knocking cute Hercules types on the head and dragging them back to my cave..
no rules of courting.. just 3 simple steps--
swing, pull and rut and thankyou very much...
hmm here i go again


--soo many news recently --
but i just cant get myself to blog..
i think if i put my real feelings about my current state of affairs down, they will become a fact..
i dnt think i wana see them in balck and white
running away from my heart i am
but i have always been an escapists
i do not have the need for the real world now....


simin tempted me with a proposal to go exchange together ..
i think that seems just like what i need
an opportunity to get away and know myself better
i have this niggling feeling that i noe myself well enough
and my heart even better
but i suspect maybe what my brain comprehends is soo bad that it decided to shut me away from me ..
trauma induced mental block they call it


*yeah.. crap*


okie.. news flash -- the period of FuDa (u can guess lah who lah ) is over!!
-- they have broke up ..
a witness spotted her holding hands with another guy.. all lovey dovey
soo .. the hubby wunny honey tubby phase is over huh .. *snigger*
darn .. they soo deserve one another
2 suffering (delusional to say the least) fools who are only good for each other...
am i mean?? i noe im mean .. do u think im mean ?? hahahah


Anywazz so many things happened the past few days ..
Momo then DblO then Momo again..
in a moment of weakness ( i wasnt that drunk yet ;p) i got cajoled by a pushy model to take part in the Miss Tropicana (*rolls eyes* how cheesy) competition at Momo.. the freebies look good .. but i dnt tink i will go for the actual event ..cant imagine myself parading in a beach dress in front of a crowd...
maybe if i get drunk enough...
or if i can get some plastic surgery done for free...
or if the lights are dark enough..
or if they give me a million bucks (thats out..i dnt even think the prize $$ is half as much)
.... you get the idea......


saw The island and Sincity ...
SIncity was way cool...flim nior type.. abit of a comedy too..
its like a parody of the detective movies of the 50s ??
~where the characters do alot of their own narration...with cheesy lines and exeggerated actions
Jessica Alba is hot as usual yes yes *i can hear all the guys sighing in unison whenevr she comes onscreen*.. ;p
but to mi she has a very plain face.. soo unless she really flaunts her body ... she will not be a stunner to mi ;p


Scarlett Johanson on the other hand is damn hot ..
her lips are soo plush .. even i feel like kisiing them... wheew.... she looks damn sultry on the 8days cover...even better than the ugly FHM model ;p
BUT of course Ewan is still the cutest.. he looks older.. but still cute...nice lean *okey skinny* body ;)
i think its the accent .. makes me wana french the hell outa him.. yummy


--we had another "discussion" --
.. not 1 but 2 in the span of 4 days!!!
soo mentally tiring
so emotionally confusing
i think he has no one to vent his fustrations on..
soo he cao beh to me.. even thou i am the source of some of his fustrations
soo in the end he is cao behing abt me to me..
then i get fustrated..
i really really wish he will get more friends ..
he doesnt understand that some things you can only tell ur friends
he thinks im ludicrous for wanting to vent my fustrations in a blog or with a heart to heart wif my gfs ..
I guess im not so hot with this "communication is vital in a realtionship" thing ;p
*express your feelings-- my arse*
They never teach it in school leh..
how ???

Au Lait

ow do you pronounce that ??
*sheepish*
I asked for it at Royce during lunchtime at suntec... and it came out like " aww latte"
but the sales person pronounced someting else really fast i couldnt even catch it but nodz my heads anywazz...
Haha reminds me when i was in Europe >> nobody truly understood what the other was speaking ..but we got along anywazz...
Buying a train tiicket required a large amount of hand waving, mouthing words slowly and nodding...
Ahhh i love the feeling of bumbling around ..feeling slightly lost and having absolutly all the time in the world.
The feeling of walking along the streets of Paris with leaves drifting down ...makes me feel like im in one of those serious art flims .. with solemm music playing in the background>>


Anywas .. the chocolate (aww latte, au lat, ohh let ???) was absoultly divine.....
soo soft and smooth and slightly bitter but with no aftertaste..
yummy and the whole packaging was gorgeous..
i think the japanese really know their packaging, somehow even their hair gel can look soo elegant and enticing..maybe i shd go there on exchange ot learn more about marketing and branding ;p


after working at Kao for some time, i realise i enjoy packing stuff >> i like to make things look attractive.. more than the normal promotional initiatives like thinking about how much discounts to put, whether to the product will sell more in loyalty packs... everyday exercises of selling a product.
I wish i took art and continued into designing :(
I am soo confuse now.. i have no idea what career path i wana take..
Maybe PR .. maybe MR ..maybe just R&R ( be a tai tai )
The only thing im sure of is that i wana have a succeeful career and make lots of $$ ( dnt we all !!)


Haizz..
i am soo brain dead now..
wil go for a long slow jog to clear my head ....

Evil Taxi Companies - The Empire has struck back silently

Late today again :( the run yest really shag mi out
~sadly no rainbow to console me
coped a chocolate from the fridge to make the ride more enjoyable..


absolutly ridiculous taxi driver..
kept asking me which road i wana take
I said take the fastest one ( duh)
he said he doesnt dare to commit ...later sala ....ask mi to choose
WTF -- aii i called for a taxi lor.. im the passenger .. not the driver.
like that must well I drive the cab right??
grrr.... im such a road idiot
~ i dnt noe the PIE from the CTE from the back alley
thus its very fustrating when the taxi drivers are soo ham ji and do not wana take the responsibility of taking the "correct" route.
Oii ..please have some proffesional pride can .. you should noe the roads better than i do.. ;p


Anywaz.. was browsing through my new book on the cab
~happiness
A complilation of the 5 Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy series...
bwahahhaha.... i have always wanted to own them all..
Ken was the one that introduced me to Douglas Adams.. and i am forever grateful .. *prostrate..thankyou thankyou kisss your toes*
I have never been much of a book buyer.. more of a book borrower..*cheapskate lah*
BUt now i find the library stocks pathetic and there is a stronger sense to have books that i really enjoy reading by my side...
I have always had cupboard loads of books at home.. my mom's collection >> then it dawned on mi one day as i contemplated moving out of my home sweet home >> those books do not belong to me .. >> i will have to start my own collection which i can bring with me and share with my kids in futhure>> :)


Thus for the past 2 years i have been adding bit by bit to my book shelve
~now a single shelve .. soon... the whole bookcase !!!
I cant imagine a life without books..
Im particularly geeky in the bookworm sense..
i can eat and read.. walk and read.. shit and eat ..>>err u get the idea
It is my main form of escapeism..
i escape alot ..in that sense im a coward..i cant face the real world without my dose of fiction
i hope i dont seem all that weird to people


Anywazz... more on my buys ::
SHopped for sissy's prezzie yesterday at bugis...
a nice boho chick necklace :: blue beads with fake metal coins type..
and it can act as a belt too .. :)
I noe she has been talking about getting that boho look >> from reading her blog
and i noe its soo hard to attain it .. bec the acccessories costs a bomb..
soo this would be my little contribution
plus i can borrow it when i need it too * evil glint in the eye..wrings hands*


BUT.. im thinking of adding someting else to that prezzie too.. maybe some nice chocolates?? Royce ? or treat her to some nice desert somewhere
but she is soo busy recently..bec of her council.. :( we talked less liao.. and she seems pissed more often.. maybe its teens angst or just PMS ;p


hahah oh yah .. and i havent recieved MY bdae prezzie from her yet ..
duh... it was in May lor..
she said she wana get a few parts .. now she is up to 3.. havent finish getting them all yet..
right....
keep adding to that and hopefully i can get it for my 23rd..or 24th ....hahaha


Went shopping with DL for her bikini the on wednesday .. hahh
Very challenging bec her budget was quite tight ;p
im a roxy fan lah.. soo i dnt get very inspired when i see like 20+ dollars bikinis :(
but.. we did see a nice one. at far east *very retro* ... did u buying it dl??
but i must say .. i envied the ample chest you gained fr US ..hahaha
noo not fr plastic surgery .. * i think* .. more from good old rice and potatoes right :P
hahah
I am soooooo self-conciously flat..sighzzzz...
I blame my mum.. and my kids will blam me tooo :P urgh...vicious cycle of the badly endowed
maybe i shd find a husband who has good genes
before agreeing to marry the guy must first scrutinise his mum's chest .. haha!!!
OMG how pervertic...
and better if he is tall and lean and good looking ~ *okei i can continue dreaming*
The worst thing is im not overall skinny
i wish i was .. like model thin .. then the chest size is justified..
ppl dnt go like :: eww. she is flat chested..
they will go like:: oh..its okie what .. she is soo thin..
its all about relativity right>> ;p


Oh yah i digressed...
while shopping for dl's bikini.. i gave in to temptation and bought 2 !! not 1 but 2 !!
short crop jackets !!!
its a nice new shop ..the guy designs the clothes himself...i will definately go back again..bec ..i got a member card !!! hahhaah*
i think the guy was soo happy he threw in a sequined flower brooch at a discount
haha... hiayah i cannot make it....but they both look sooo nice..
will put a pic of them online when i can ;p
AND i spent more than dl when we are in actual fact shoppoing for her..
faint*


I was never a shopping person..
i guess bec i have always been a fat kid.. i never really like to buy clothes.. i mean..if u look ugly in everything whats the use of buying them right??
somehow while on the Barcelona BSM>> i just got bitten by the shopping bug..
and i have bec uncontrolable ever since :P
robin says i get a glazed look in my eyes when i shop
machiam like possesseed like that.. ;p
maybe i shd go for therapy >>
is there a Singapore Shopping Annonymous out there???


*help*
~waves credit card around desperately~

dreams of wala wala

Yunfeng is CUTER then ever!!!!...*swoon*


There ...i needed to get that off my chest..and put it down in black and white
~even in the hazy gloomy setting of wala wala .. he is even more mesmerizing..


*I dnt think it was the beer*
......i hope

Taurus <3 Taurus

Jaslyn, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Taurus


Taurus, the Bull (April 21 to May 21): This warmhearted and determined partner is just your type. Initially, a Taurus may catch your eye with a romantic gesture or their penchant for having a good time. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Taurean's unwavering devotion and dedication. People born under this sign typically know what they want out of life and stick by the decisions they've made. This devotion to their own truths can make members of this sign seem stubborn or critical at times. However, know that most Taureans are also sentimental types who like to focus on their romantic relationships. In the bedroom, you're apt to find that the Bull is a creative and expressive lover with a high sex drive. It's just another aspect of their vital nature, one that finds pleasure in everyday things and has an eye for beauty.

Naked truth .. i am not happy ..

I love mondays ...
hahhh yeah right.... only bec it would mean its closer to the end of my internship !!!
I cant wait to go Hong Kong (but Kayboon is suggesting that we join him at Shang Hai) !!!
However its saddening that typically -- everybody bang seh us..
soo it looks like its me and robin again ... ;p
ahh welll... I dunoe if I will enjoy going overseas with him .. after Europe ;p
He just gets soo up-tight about being in a foreign environment.


The MRT was crazily packed again today and I found myself squashed diagonally bewteen a leary looking old man, a fat inconsiderate aunty( who kept poking her bag into my ribs), a weird looking guy with BO and someone i cant see behind me.. urgh!!!
I hate the morning crowd, i hate coming into close proximity with people i wouldnt even come within 5 m of in normal circumstances.
With no space to read a book, we are all forced to look preoccupied and try not to look at each other's eyes.... and make a slow and painful count down until we reach our stop. ;p
Can imagine how it will be like traveling to school everyday in the morning.. ~sighz


Anywazz.. my head have been sooo F* up recently...
too much things to think about... the relationship..
I realised that our views about life and how a relationship should unfold seem to be different.
I guessed it never occurred to us when we are very happy with no issues at hand
but whenever an issue pops up, no matter how small, there will be disagreements
althou in the end one party might give in.. there will be unhappiness harboured


But what abt now.. when it involves something more close at hand??
Individual freedom..
who will be willing to give in??
Should a couple be given space to grow on their own??
Do i have to tell him everything that i want to do.
Do I have to consider him in all my decisions..


A simple thing like when i just mentioned to him that i wana go backpack with simin.. maybe to south america.. and we can check out the nudist beach..
and he goes.. WHAT without me!!..
apparently he expects me to want to travel everywhere with him..
to do everything with him...
to want to spend all my time with him...


Then he goes on abt how he seems to be the one putting effort in the relationship
and i dnt make him happy when he needs me the most
and he doesnt feature in any of my plans


I tried to use logic and go like..if u dont feature in my future, do u think i wana plan my timetable with you, to bid lessons with you, to wana go HK with u .. >>
and he said - thats not it, you dnt even wana spend saturday nights with me. And you wana go Muay Thai and you wana chiong and you wana go out with your friends.. where am I ??
>> and i go like I tot i see a lifetime with you.. why are bothered about the little things now..
and he said the little things are what matter...
and I dnt see your future with me inside... i tried ... but i dnt..
and he goes.. would you be better off being single >>


.. no respons from me..
bec i really dnt noe...
its scary when after you have committed yourself to spending the rest of your life with someone
suddenly... you are faced with the possibility of that not happening anymore.
Of an uncertain path...
Im not sure if i wana take that path...


Somehow. We are so different in terms of views .. he is so conservative, so law abiding. He likes to judge people easily based on the surface facts.
Simple things like:: if i say like i wana get a tatoo ... and you can see his face change..he thinks tatoos are for "bad people" .. oh gosh.. which century are we living in???


And today..i woke and found love bites on my neck. WTF, i need to go to the office !!! I specifically said already... i do not like to have visible love bites... it seems like im branded.. soo degrading... and what if my boss sees them.. ill be damn paiseh...
He said sorry .. spur of the moment.. but its like .. he does not respect me enuf...
its something very fundamental right???


I dnt noe.. am i not seeing the big picture clearly or the small picture or whatever...
i dnt noe abt how this relationship will go
i dnt even noe if i wana spend the rest of my life with him liao
i need some time to think .. to find in myself what are my true feelings for him..
now there is just too much external stimuli .. work stress and other distractions like vivace...


gg to have lunch with him later...
but it seems pointless to talk through things any more .. bec he always dwell on the same things..and they do not get resolve..
because we are both not backing dwn from our stands..
a standstill... static... unmoving... lodged in the chasm of a crack in our relationship


Almost like a western movie.. a shootout at noon
*du du du du du ... du du du *
Silhouette against the sultry sun .. arms bended in readiness…
The last man standing....