+attack of the 60 ft nerves+

the post that i was typing for the past hour
was mercilously murdered by my computer
when it disconnected as i was loading


so in memory of my labour of literrary effort
lets have a minute of slience
for something whose life
was soo aruptly cut short
even as it was entering the world


damn it i hate my computer
grrrrrr
*roars in despair*

now you all will never know what the title mean....
bawahhahhaah

~ sleep ~

had a solid 11 hours of sleep
well not too solid
i konked out by 11pm
woke up with a start at 6am
fell back asleep
and dreamt weird lurid dreams
that made me scratch my head
when i woke up again at 8am
dragged myself to the bathroom
but in the last moment
just as i was about to step in ....
i did a jerk-turn
and jumped into my parents bed
and back into the sweet arms of the sandman
till i finally got woken up by the another strange dream
at 10am


*wheew*
what a work out even before i even officially woke up
dreaming seems more tiring
for i was still sleepy the whole day
with one leg stuck in dreamland


my eye-bags gave me a scare
when i looked into the mirror
and i thought ..
this doesnt look like one who has slept for 11 hours
what had happened ?
i think all those dreams
kept my brain running on over-drive
soo technically i have a deficite
of 11 hours of non-sleep
:(
booo




i demand a refund from the sandman!!!
*shakes head*
nobody sleeps for 11 hours and look like a POW..
~ who hasent slept since the war started like 2 decades ago...
~ surving only by eating her nails
There must be QC !!


Hopefully will have a better week ahead
im looking forward to some pampering
and maybe some HOT french eye candy
courtesy of Melva ;p
you go girl...!
....and since its my pimp daddy's big day this week
this is dedicated to him :P
hehehe!



regardless of where i am heading
i hope it is in the final direction
of happiness


~ i am slowly forgetting ~
maybe not forgetting
but at least
i am no longer pining
no longer hopeing
no longer dreaming
of any possibility
with you


soo fly away little bird
you are free to go
to wherever you please
to roam the world
and maybe ...
hopefully ...
when you had your fill of the world
you will fly back to me
and tell me all about your adventures
and i will be happy
to listen and nodd in wonder


*farewell*

=roller coaster ride=

=I am on a rollercoster ride=
a week of highs and lows


the stress was getting to me
that i had the worst possible migrane ever
my eyes hurt soo bad
i wanted to yank them out
to sit in a corner and cry them out
to stick my pen into them stake my brain out
anything to stop the searing pain
burning right behind my eyes


people says im a superwoman
well i guess superwoman has her bad leotard days too
;p


but still there are the highs ..
*sleeping more
after surviving on less than 3 hrs on average


*we won 2nd place in the tri-challeng !!
my power team of shaun and ben
ben was a trooper ..
giving us a lead of second place
even thou he was down with food poisoning
i loveeeee my teammmmmmm ~~!!
my second medal from the school
i am soo loving my last year of uni
if onli it will never end ....
but i do wish my thighs will stop aching
*groanzz*



*Manda's 21st party at Westin was ..
R-rated at times lol
i cannot believe the things our caderas guys can come up with
i will never ever look at a Y-string the same way again
the whole thing is caught on film lol
maybe we can slip it out
it shall our very own SMU video
i hope dear manda
had fun ...
which is the most important
you can only be 21st once
but u can be only 22, 23 ,24 .. once too
soo yah


*finished our performnce for SMU Open House
while i had said im perfectly happy to dance without a partner
it really gave me a sense of achievement
to have danced the Ran Kan Kan with kevin
he is a really sweet darling partner
i thank him for his guidance
thinking back at where i started out
when i barely knew any salsa last term
i felt it did come some way
while im still far from being good
it still gave me a buzzz
the adrenaline during the performance
~when ceolho throws me high into the air
and i land with a smile on my face
....priceless


And the lows
*a dip in my blipping day
i guess im not sad
just more jumbled
for when feelings are put to words
its hard to ignore pure facts
but at least
there is no vacumn occupied
by things left unsaid
that hangs in the air
like a heavy fog


the bubble of a fastasy world cannot last forever
*plop*
it will go one day


we are both lost souls
may we find a compass soon
for the river cannot meander forever
but for now
lets enjoy the journey and take in the view


i remember a question thrown at me by my JC teacher
in an interview for leadershp positions in my CCA
they asked:
if you are in a boat on a fast flowing river
and you reach a junction
one way brings you to a deadly waterfall
while the other brings you to ur destination
you team is certain its one way
while you are sure its the other way
so now
what will you do ??


-what i said-
given the lack of time to have a discussion
i will insist on my way
and then explain to my team mates
the reasons for my choice later


what would you do ??


* a little good feeling for the day*

Jasmine


Which Disney Heroine Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

-never again-

the sanctity of this blog has been violated
i feel somehow violated
is there something call blog molestation?


how will i ever want to write in it again
to paint the pictures in my mind
although they might not be a word by word replay of my life
every word i write
is a representation of my musings
blue as it may seem sometimes
it is still my beloved mind


i did not write whatever i write as a cry for attention
i did not publicised it with loud neon words shouting "read me"
it is a place for mi to share my thoughts with my friends
and whoever who chance upon it by fate
who hopefully will be rewarded with something that i can offer
my own perspective


trust is of the utmost importance to me
and if there is no trust
there is no point


everything must have a point
even in paintings
there is a always a point of reference
or the painting will seem flat
without depth
or perspective
2D is not how we want to live our lives
do we?


so should you actually try to pry again
to sneak a look at my conversations
that you are not privy to
and invade my privacy
then let me say
i am sorely dissapointed
and there is no point
for i do not like flat paintings


i do not wish to self-censor
any more than i already am doing
please give me the space
to paint my own pictures
regardless of how they turn out to be
for i want to be an artisit
at least in my own world


free is the expression of oneself
the freedom to fly beyond our earthly bounderies
but should there be chains
pulling us down with responsibilities
than we will all be like the collector's butterflies
pinned on a display
beautiful
but only for the pleasure of others

-the mysterious black hole-

last week was one of little sleep and alot of acne
the two go hand in hand
like the best of friends

however, one huge advertising presentation was nailed
the professor sent us an email
the client team - it was a good presentation


woohoo!!
now everybody can celebrate ;p


but i wonder..
the email seems pretty short
to the point..
soo was it curt and dismissive ?
or is it the german in him that make this email lack certain warmth


soo isit a ..
passable - good
okay - good
wow! - good
or
im soo impressed im speechless - good


i hope it was the last
but he doesnt look impressed
although i havent seen him look impressed
so i wouldnt know how that looks like
*rolls eyes*
maybe its the advertising industry
god-forbid if people see you looking impressed
then u will loose ur edge
such is the poker face world in which we live in


i wonder if that is the industry i wana work in
i wonder who will want me..
hmmmm
but now a job is not the most pressing problem
because
............



i forgot to file for graduation!!
lol
die .. im a such a blur f*
i should be shot
or maybe at least be given an organiser
a cute hot PA would be even better
one who speaks in many languages
and comes in a variety of clothes to match every occasion
i can bring him everywhere
*dreams*....


but i should stop dreaming
and come back down to the real depressing world
because
right now
i am not hired
my A*s are not comfirm
my dean's list is hanging on a precarious tread
i am single, dateless and undesirable
i have a no money to shop
i cannot clear my 80 hours


but actually its not about the clearing of hours that im sad about
its not being able to go
its my dream to trek in alpine conditions
and ... well
only sabrina knows why im really sad..


but i will have to quit dance to go
how does a girl decide :(
howhowhowhowhowhow....


there is still that emptyness
that struck soo suddenly today
i sit and wonder
and hurt
a little blue blinking tab on the msn
made it slightly better
but still
bitter sweetness
is not my favourite flavour

Food for Thought - a fallacy that we are all guilty of

By nature, humans have trouble with 'becomings'. Our minds attach labels to things in the surrounding world, and we interpret those labels as discontinuities. If things have different labels, then we expect there to be a clear line of demarcation bewteen them.


How many times have you been in a discussion in which somebody says "We have to decide where to draw the line"" For instance, most people seem to accept that in general terms women should be permitted abortions during the earliest stages of pregnancy but not during the very late stages. "Where you draw the line", thou , is easily debated - and of course some people wish to draw it at one extreme or other. There are similar debates about exactly when a developing embryo becomes a person, with legal and moral rights. Is it at conception? When the brian first forms? At birth? Or was it always a potential person, even when it 'existed' as one egg and one sperm?


The 'draw the line' philosophy offers a substantail political advantage to people with hidden aggendas. The method for getting what you want is first to draw the line somewhere that nobody would object to, and then gradually movie it to where you really want it, aruguing continuity all the way. For example having agreed that killing a child is murder, the line labelled 'murder' is then slid back to the instant of conception; having agreed that people should be allowed to read whichever newspaper they like, you end up supporting the right to put the recipe for nerve gas on the Internet.


If we were less obsessed with drawing labels and discontinuity, it would be much easier to recognize that the problem here is not where to draw the line: it is the image of drawing a line is inappropriate. There is no sharp line, only shades of grey that merge unnoticed into one another- despite which, one end is manifestly white and the other equally clearly black. An embryo is not a person, but as it develops it gradually becomes one. There is no magic moment at which it switches from non=person to person- instead, it merges continuously from one into the other.


- qouted from the Science of Discworld by Terry Prachett, Ian Stewart and Jack Cohen- Terry: while he writes about fantasy, his stories are always insightful about the true nature of human behaviour and the laws of society.


While as children
adults find a need to help us understand the world
by simplifying things into black and white
but as we grow
and learn
and experience
we should have learnt that the world
is never in monochrome


Instead it is alive, vivid
painted in many different colours
Just like in the movie "Pleasentville"
While colours bring about confusion and uncertainty
it makes life soo much more rich and textured


Life is not just about shades of grey
i feel
Life is filled with a riot of shades and tonnes and light
and we as Men and Women
should live through these colours
and stop worrying about
'Drawing The Line'

compulsion..

My my.. i had my fill of intense men these past few days
Joaquin Pheonix, Eric Bana, Ralf Fiennes, Jake Gyllenhaal..
Robin..;p
It must be the highest concentration of movies
i had ever watched in such a short span of time


But the most intense award definatly goes to Joaquin Pheonix
He was up to his usual brooding antics in walk the line
but he had applied himself with such craft that
there were times when i see the agony in his eyes
and i could feel myself falling in love with him


Therein lies my problem..
why does my heart goes out to Joaquin?
Do i like my men constantly suffering??
Those men in constant turmoil with themselves
who have too many inner demons to deal with
that it shows in their eyes..
the haunted soulful look ..


Looks like I must have some serious issues man...


Anywaz Munich is great great story
told from a different perspective
about the long-standing war between Israel and Palestine
I have never been a fan of Eric Bana
Always thought his body has always been too bulky to fit his face
Especially for The HULK *gag*
But his gaunt look in Munich becomes him.
And I must say the grey-tinted lighting
and the stylish costumes
have made a fan out of me...


And somehow the movie has given me the urge to cook
no other movie has given me such compulsion since
some long-forgotten ..
straight-to-video ..
Sarah Michelle Gellar's movie
on the magic of cooking


I think its the constant sceenes of Eric cooking
huge meals for his assasination team..
and how they bond over meals
good food unifies the world
If everybody sits down over a meal
anything can be settled ;p


if only...


hmmm... maybe i should go food shopping:
mozzarella cheese, smoked salmon, pesto sauce, pasta, portebello mushrooms..
bell peppers, rocket lettuce, pumkin, spinach...
hmmm i can see the menue in my mind already..
ahh but now my stomach callls
and no amount of imagination can satisfy it
soo it will be bah pao for now ...


the sight of shore moves further away... the sands have shifted.. everything has changed .. but i cannot control it... powerless is what i feel.. helplessness... maybe not...

Brokeback Casanova

A love story that should not be told
Not for the squeemish or the homophobic
But seeing 2 guys make out is both
cring-worthy and yet sexy at the same time
so thats how i ended up with 1 eye closed and 1 eye opened
for the whole show ;p


even with a starbucks mocha valencia in one hand
i could actually feel the cold bealkness of Brokeback
Althou i think the feezing aircon played a huge factor
hmm


maybe it was an agreement between the movie studios and the cinemas
: *you blast the aircon higher when screening our movies soo that the audience can really experience the show..*
soo next time you watch a show about the Sahara
dnt be surprised to start sweating ;p
or feel ur feet wet when u watch a show about flooding
that would be cool
:: the ultimate movie experience
:: almost as real as being in the movie ;p


but that somehow seems to be cheating on the director's part
then it wont require much cinematographical genius to engage the audience
and to make them feel for the movie


But i digressed
like i always do ;p


I can really relate with the movie in a sense
i could understand how the extreme elements in the wilderness
can bring people closer together
its like when i go for the extremely tough treks
even though we are only together for a week
but feelings can be intense
not that i actually wanted to french dian liang or meiling at any point in time
lol
althought there were points of dispair
when you just feel utterly in need of human affection
to remind you that you are
only human....
when i really wanted to devour the person beside me ..
maybe i was just feelign hungry i guesss ..
hahahaha
just is highly likely ...


since im constantly hungry when on treks
I should go more often
its the only time you can eat as many chocolates as you want
and not worry about gaining weight
not when you are worrying if you can survive the next upslope ;p


Incidentally i watched Casanova
which starred *Heath Leadger*
(no i do not know how to spell..thanks you very much) too.
His persona was soo differnt in both films that I was ready to give him an Oscar at the end of the show.
but it is not mine to give ..of course
although it was a little cliche
a little disney-like-fairy-tale-ending
a little silly
but still
entertaining and sweet
awww..


maybe because we have all heard the storyline before
~the feminist falling for a don juan with
and the don juan giving up his philandering for true love..
yeahyeah
maybe we are all jaded


there was a report about how some korean art students staged a play
- a fake marriage on a train
aimed at inspiring people ~ touching their hearts
reminding them on the beauty of romance
there was a huge outflow of support for the supposed "couple"
but when the truth was out
the backlash was twice the magnitude
the koreans felt cheated and that the students should haev staged it at a theater or sumting...


Sighz
come on
cant they see that
their out pouring of support was a sign of success for the students
that they have managed to touch the hearts of others
and inspired many
that all the passengers on the train that day
have been touched in some small way
and their lives enhanced.
to have it played in the theather would not have the same effects at all
a waste


it is a pity that shows the closed mindedness of a society
the rigidnesss
the coldness
bah!


i wonder how would singaporeans react if it should happen here
probably they would react in the same way
but i sincerely hope that not all sinagporeans would be so
utterly void of imagination
that instead people would applaud such an amazing act of charity
that youths of today still would think of enhancing the lives of others
and only for themselves


i give my seats up to old ladies
yes
but my act of kindness
is nothing compared to vast amount of heart
that those stduents have
because that requires a differnt set of social conciousness
that great people posess


~a day of lazing but not a day wasted~ :)

Butterfly = Cho

From now on my geisha name is Hotomicho
hahahha
oh my..
my pimp daddy messaged me and ask mi to choose my geisha name
and i said Sukiyaki Yoshinoya Tempura


but he refused
says geisha arnt supposed to have food names
but I said I love sukiyaki!!!


after some harranging
i have decided on Hotomicho
Hotomi = double beauty
cho = butterfly
soo now im a beautiful butterfly


woo flutter flutter
i certainly dnt feel like one ;p
but one can live in the world of make believe..:)


He bought for his harem thongs for V-day!!
how sweet can it be ..
i am amused when i think of how he can walk into Topshop and
start picking up a bunch of tongs off the shelves ;p
what on earth were going through people's minds as they take sneaky peeks at him ....
hmmmm


Anywazz V-day is like christmas right
just that the gifts have a more consistent theme ;p
chocolates. flowers. thongs. chocolates. flowers. thongs.
;p
but i dint recieve any chocolates this year
which is good considering the amount of food i ate that day :(
It was good quality fats as my PE teacher once said
Foie Gras. rich pastas. chocolate deserts. wine.
after 2 full italian meals
a fruit diet the next day sounded amazingly appealing
but i love the rich flavor of the cusine
and the rich culture that permeates through the food


With Vik at Restaurante De Valentino..
the chef comes out and chat with his customers
Serves the food himself at times
Greets some of his guests with a loud "Bon Giorno"
soo addroable
he looks like a older, plumper , italian verison of Jamie Oliver
I guess if i eat his food everyday I would be that plump too ;p


Dinner with robin at Da Paolo was poshhh
a total opposite of Valentino
the crowd was yuppy-snooty
one lady sent her food back with just a
:" a fly landed here, send it back"
ohh myyy
u wonder with all that money
shdnt they learn to be nicer
or does money give you the illusion of power
and people like to abuse power :(


the day ended with a nice beach walk at east coast
which incidentally was very crowded
at 12 pm !!
and ice cream with baileys
a sinful day
but its meant to be right...
*winks*


On a seperate note
I must say it is soo sexy to see a guy in full control of his car
A guy driving manual at high speed on the roads is just such a turn on
lol


~thanks for all the flowers.. its feels like spring time in my room..~

*stawberry kisses for dl for being soo sweet for soo long... althou I cant be your valentine... i hope you will find someone to kiss with that sweet-lip-glossed-lips ;p*

Hmm *weird*

Thats weird ..
my last post was deleted..

Ahh well
I wonder..
maybe its a sign
he created a fuss after i went out for dinner yest
even thou he met uo with 2 gals
messaging me incessently
i think he is insecure
but he was the one who wanted to break up in the first place
to let us take some time off
to see if we see each other in the same future


seems like he sees me as more of a posession
that if he cant have me.
neither can other guys
scary ahh
i hope he doesnt go psycho on me


i think i attract pyschos
i wonder why
help...

psychopsychopsychopsycho....

Ting Hai * listen to the sea*

The sound of waves breaking
The starry night sky
Fireworks seen from afar
Luscious crabs for dinner
Walking along barefeet holding my heels
Chasing the waves..

It was soo peaceful
sitting there on the breaker
school seems soo far away
if only it came with a movie soundtrack in the backgroud
Ah Mei's Ting Hai would be good
But this is real life after all..


there were squiggles in the sand
written by people long gone
there messages of love
hearts doddled everywhere
safely out of the way from the swarming waves..
who knows how long the message will stay
it would be great to see it slow fade away ..
bits of sand moved by foorprints, wind and rain ..


Inspired by them ..
I took my heels
Bend down and wrote the first thing in my mind
Salsa...


then .. looking at it ..
i added
La Vida..


then decided to sign it off with Jaslyn ..


hmmm not very inspired i guess
and not a message of love
but could it be??


haha perhapes its my little love note
to rythm and passionate moves
and to the friends that i have made through it


My virgin salsa performance was a fleeting momemnt of glamour
but the performance high was amazing
the buzzz in your ears that keep u smiling
in front of friends and strangers


I might not be the most coordinated person
a kultz is more like it
but for a few precious moments
I felt like a DANCER
hahaha
its a foreign feeling
but i could get use to it ;p

~The pics took after the performance were hilarious
everybody trying to be sexy with the guys' hats
i think there is sumting about a hat
that makes you wana pose
or maybe its just me ;p

*will pose them up when i get them*
i am incorigible
maybe i was a pornstar in my previous life
lol


~more dancing tonigh~
woohoo !! Vday party at LADC
but im sure nothing can beat our wine party ;p

Confused

urghhh
lots of things happened during cny
and now im feeling pretty messed up


shall look for retail theraphy tomorrow
but i think somethings even shopping cannot cure
now im no longer love-sick
neither am i physically sick any more


im just feeling kinda sick
its that deep feeling at the bottom of your tummy
where you noe there are things you have done which you should not have done..
or should you ..
blah..
i dint really like myself very much at this moment


nonononono

Farewell ...

Goodbye
I dint get a chance to say i love you
but actually i have never had
neither did you


But in both our hearts
we know that we have a bond that is beyond words


I thank you for these 23 years of care
And for the wonderful childhood you have given me
the memories will last forever
deep in the burrows of my heart

goodbye grandad
I may not be religious
and I claim not to believe in life after death
But in my heart I really do hope
you will find happiness somewhere
with grandma by your side

I finally understand the deep eloquence of those 3 words
>>Rest In Peace


may you


for it is for the rest of eternity.....


* a quite pause please .. to reflect on our lives and recollect all those that we love and bask in the deep feeling of being loved ...*


I am not the type to say "I love you"
not even to my parents
I believe in actions more than words
soo take sometime today to spend a moment with your love one
even for just a moment
the deep sense of connection can transcend words

and S.H.E sang ~ you are only lonely...

The msn conversation went like this :


Sugar Sissy 1 says:
~hehe still no Danna
~nobody want


Junyuan says:
~is not nobody want
~is nobody can afford


Sugar Sissy 1 says:
~haha why
~not very ex what ;p


Junyuan says:
~really hahaha.. how much


Sugar Sissy 1 says:
~haha err once in a while feed me.. buy me nice kimono..
~bring me out to watch sumo wrestling can liao


Junyuan says:
~hahahaha sounds reasonable


Sugar Sissy 1 says:
~yah lor
~dunoe why pppl dun wan


Junyuan says:
~ppl blind


Sugar Sissy 1 says:
~hahaha
~yea i guess.. many many blind ppl out there


Junyuan says:
~ALOT


Sugar Sissy 1 says:
~u are not


Junyuan says:
~i have good taste


Sugar Sissy 1 says:
~yes definately ;p
~for that i will help u earn more $$


-------end-------------------------

I love my pimp daddy ;p
lol
okiezz..
seriously
why there are alot of blind men out there??
whywhywhywhywhy


they see you but they dont see you


when when when will they see...


i cannot wait all my life


i have been waiting all this time


*when will you look up into the sky and see me in the horizon..
before i fly out of view and out of your life*

AHhhh CHoooo!

Woke up to a huge sneeze today
Gzeee
What a rousing start to a day
my eyes refuses to open fully
my eyelids obstinately glued together
forcing me to move around the house half-blind


you know... one of those days...
when your mind is awake but your eyes remain stubbornly asleep
The constant battle between both
causes a series of bumps around the kitchen
while you try your best to function in semi darkeness.
Hopeing that its your toothbrush that you are using
and not one that is for cleaning the mold off the tiles..
Thats its coffee you are making
and not weird concoction of milo, salt and floor.


Those are the days when you would gladly go back to sleep with your eyes..
But alas ..
back on the computer doing research for Proton Cars
Soo exciting .. ;p
I could hardly contain my excitment
my hands are shaking


noo..
hmm i think its just the coffee
extra strong with a hug dash of milo
a heartlanders mocha ;p


We are supposed to do an advertising project on Proton
and I tell that to people
they laugh and say its hopeless
what encouragement ;p


They say: isnt that suppose to be a lousy Malaysian Car
yes we know that
and the challenge would be coming up with a rebranding effort for it
but they are like ..
But is a Malaysian Car !
okie enough said


the first spirit of fight and fire are gone
leaving us with abit of dejection
and a huge headache
good luck to us....


But nevermind me and kb shall perserver
and come out with something edgy for it
and we are suppose to slodge through it for the CNY
sooo much for a festive season


Maybe we can do a "ah beng" branding for it
and it will be the next EVO or Subaru WRX..
our tag line would be *Zng Your Car*
hmmmmmm


*had a serious moment outside my door yest*
I think someone is not very happy
to play such a small role in my life
but i really have no time !!


The past 2 weeks have been crazy
but soo many things happened ..


~Grand Openning: Days of hard work and time put in for 1 minute of fame
and even then ..
i could hardly keep the smile on my face
i dont think im a born performer
but nobody believes it when i say im shy ;p


But the rock concert after that was pretty fun
thou i think its the was voldka
and the beer


i tried to teach alvin, hoseng and bk to play drinking goggles
why i do not know too..
for i actually suck at drinking games..
but i found someone worse than me..
hoseng ..
heheh
good to feel unstupid for short while
but they always learn ;p
somehow guys pick it up faster
maybe im just slow ;p

I AM SLOW
hahahah
in Darwin's theory of the survival of the fittest
ill probably be extinct

but im not.
soo ..
hmm maybe i have evolve some other features of adpatation that i am unaware off
i wonder what they are
hmmm

okie.. dance beckons..
++ to be continued ++

* my heart skipped a beat*

damnnnn

Another insightful insight

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly
motivated. Sharp
thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves
attention. Deep
feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm
Standpoint. Needs no
motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left
brain). Loves to dream. Strong
clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in
the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
literature and the arts.
Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless.
Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift


What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla


which according to bk is rather true.. i agree with him ;p

* i wana slip into oblivion*

Sleeepy
but cant sleep
work to do
work to do


There is a fission of fustration
in my heart
I feel like yelling out loud
Enough is enough !!!


If only this world will fade away
but not to another day
to stay as it is while i contemplate
the reason for my state


I have an obsession that cannot be fulfilled
it eats into my very being
I just wana get drunk
and slip into oblivion


Depraved
for passion
untamed, unreigned, unrestrained passion
to consume my very being
and make me whole


GHM


~disclaimer: this is not meant to be a poem or a song or any form of artistic expression..those are best left to the experts or the seriously disturbed.. whichever comes first...
this is just the way i think ~

:: Rain before Dawn ::

:: Prologue ::

Heard some really sad news yest.
Althou i sorta suspected ..
but never thought of asking ..


:: Main ::

Ahh..
good things never last..
but as they say
is it better to own it once
than never to have own it before ??

~Lets all look forward to the next dawn

So do not fear the loss
For a forsaken sunrise
will lead to a regretful sunset

Regardless of how saddening a sunset may be
at least you have seen the beauty of a sunrise
and it might be enough ..
just


me..
I rather live in my world
where
for one moment
just one moment
everything is captured in a snapshot
in my mind... that would be enough

i hope

i am moving on..
keeping a snapshot in my alblum of many
perfect sunrises ...

for now


:: Epilogue ::

But can I do that for the rest of my live
living for each perfect snapshot
and then not owning it
fustrating
it is..

indecisive..greedy... weak
would be what my friends think

maybe..
maybe not


:: Author's Notes ::

~im just a photographer in the journey of love
care to pose for mi ?

~An apology to those who do not understand a feaking thing i was writing about..
(while i highly doubt that you will continue reading till this part of post)
Due to the sensitive nature of the issues touched upon ..
the author has decided to write in highly metaphorical sense
and also as Eric has pointed out..
i am poetic by nature.. ;p
yeah right
more like highly nonsensical by nature

Thanks to : Jeremy
who helped on the spelling of "Epilogue"
*However he holds no responsibility to other spelling mistakes in this post*
The author is just dyslexic by nature.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

OAC gathering

soo gald to see my OAC mates again..
this is the first gathering with the same number as the gals
which is amazing considering that we have 5 guys and 12 gals in the club ;p

and onli with them can i eat Seoul Garden ...
althou it wasnt particularly good food
but it has its memories .. :)

Journey to the MOS

Back in 2005 ..
for this blog took a longgg time to reach its intended destination...
residing under draft status
.. spending a lonely new years eve by itself ;(


>>
Ohh doesnt Christmas fill you up with such warmth and cheer
that you want to just give everybody a big huggg
...
yahh rightt..
depending on who is near u i guess ;p


Another christmas came and left
And somehow year by year the magic of Christmas fades
a pale form of what it was when I was small and christmas trees were tall
yeahhh
now im not soo talll ... and christmas trees are still very tall
i still cant hang the lights without help from a laddle ..;p


Christmas eve was spent hanging out with sab and cora ;p
planned to go MOS ..finally
BUT the queue was amazing
it defys logic..
it just wasnt moving
everybody just looked they have been standing there like.. forever
it seems as if everybody came at the same time
"whomp" and the queue just fell from the sky into place


To avoid spending Christmas eve waiting for in a queue ...
although the crowd looked like they were having loads of fun *rolls eyes*
we went ta MOMO ..
and they were playing christmas songs !!
urgh?! hello.. 10pm already..
but it was then the first tingle of the christmas warmth wiggled its way through my body
ahh.. finally some christmas spirit in my cold cynical heart ;p


But since no one was dancing .. we decided to walk back to Clark Quay
and galk at the queue at MOS
hopping for some eye candy
and maybe some kind .. but very foolish but still very cute soul
would invite us to join them in the queue ;p


Anywaz.. we noe how that would end up
for naught of course
;p
soo in the end we opt for having some munchies at TCC to while the time away
and we talked
and talked
and talked


and suddenly.. people around us were shouting
"Merry Christmas!!"
....
i guess the christmas crept up on us..
and we dint even noe it..
but it was a nice cosy way to spend it..
we then proceeded to party the night away at momo
getting picked up by some young .. er boys
hiaz..
some things never change ;p


>> Then .. with music still in our blood
we planned to go MOS on the following Wed..
but alas ...it was another failed attempt ;p
and we missed the whole gp of salsa ppl who went there..
dang..


>>finally ..
on Friday .. we decided to go by hook or by crook ;p
Had a salsa gathering at the beach during the day
and got gloriously suntanned.
First time having an actual potluck on the beach
Usually when ppl say they will bring food..
it usually consists mainly of chips ..;p
but surprise ..surprise
baked rice-nuggets-spring rolls-jelly-sandwiches-punch-pizza.
wowz.. im impressed.. and very full
my little contribution was corn chips, salsa, and squeeze cheese>>
a most ingenious piece of food technology .
who ever thought you can squeeze cheese outa can..
and into ur mouth .. hehe


plus.. short bursts of beach captain's ball and frisbee..
mixed in with a bit of rugby whenever possible ;p
swimming with rita
being fed stawberries by sabrina..
dancing salsa in the sand with fadz
what a rose-hued day
i cant wait to see the pics they took


MOS>> me, sab, cora, yunfeng, rita, joyce..
queued freaking 2 hrs to get in
and .. hmm...while the interior deco was amazing
them music left me wanting
1 word : uninspiring


>> News years day after
was a quiet affair ..
catching fire works at the padang
Sky flowers.. amazingly pretty
one of those things ..
that even wide screen tv cant convey its magnificence, its beauty, the scale of its enormity ...


2006 >> Soo when's the next party ??
School has been freaking busy
i think im soo gg to die this term
classes are competitive with demanding professors
gym has become an obsession that i cannot ignore
salsa practices are becoming a chore
cant wait to do muay thai again this week
itching to give the good old sandbag a whack
Loreal e-strat is tedious.. and getting boring
Loreal brandstorm has just began
Research work is piling up
Marketing for muay thai is taking up too much time
I am fighting a sugar craving that even willy wonka cannot satisfy
My heart .. is running on its own mind..
dragging a confused me along
yoyoing between sadness.. happiness.. hopelessness and whistfulness
my brain is still on holiday and refusing to come back
in conclusion .. im going .. bonkers


But whats new ;p


>> 1 last party before true mugging begins: Lights Out bash at MOS
Hopefully with R&B at the main dance floor..
it will be more bearable
plus with lots of other friends there
let it be happening..
pleaseeee.....

BORING BROWN

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

Pah!.. i sound boring ;p hahhahah man.. i cant believe it

*Ambrosia*

I <3 celeste's aviators..

My try at being lao dah .. with sabrina as my ..ermm mistress??? hahhaha

Pride and Prejudice

Pride complicates matters
it brings upon
words that shouldnt have been said
sliences that should have been filled
actions that should not have been taken
things that we should have done


and most of all regret


If you are lucky enough,
like Elizabeth Bennet
you get to remedy it before its too late..
but its never too late right>>


hmmm ..
in the real life that we occupy ..
sometimes unhappily soo
we do leave things till its too late
and forever hold that little pang in the heart
for things unfulfilled ...


The film was great ..
while although not totally juciy like the book
it was enjoyable to see an adaptation that dint try to be "creative"
although mi and simin agreed that the whole show would be much more "watchable" if the actors were better looking. ;p
They made Biggings look like an arse from 'dumb and dumber'
Jane look like a 'crossed-eye more plain jane'
and Darcy unfortunately looks abit pudgy ..
he lacks the sharp sardonic air ..
I think Ewan Macgreggor would be soo much better ..
even Ralph Finnes..
and where is my Liam Neelson
*blah*
but thats sterotyping right.. hmmm


I guess to do the other actresses justice..
you just cannot look good when you are acting opposite Kiera Knightly
she is just too beautiful ..
perhaps the whole show was cast around her
;p


But it is lovely to hear english spoken soo
I love the way the old english language flows ..
and the cutting brittish accent
every word dripping with meaning
the subtilities of the language make every conversation laden with underlying themes
I have read pride and prejudice like 5 times.. and each time is a treasure hunt,
you rediscover gems and find new hidden meanings ..


just the other day at Kyno...
while browsing for Terry Pratchett books
I found a gaggle of teenage boys gushing over the author
at first i tot .. 'how tiresome .. what daft boys'
but since i was there.. i evesdrop while browsing
> a skill perfected by the female race eons ago ;p


And guess what ..
yes they were british
and somehow ..
even their gushings.. seem more ....cute ;p
hahha
im an accent-ist
find me a hot english bloke anytime ..
im just sit and hear him speak all dayyyyyyyyyyyyy/...


;p


::a day of sloching at home::
not so much outa my own will
but .. more of the will of my tummy :(
seem to have contracted some sorta gastric flu ..
yest night was a torture..
waking up to a persistent cramp in the abdomen
falling aslp in the toilet a couple of times..
but still my tummy has not left me in peace
*blah*


soo today im home-bound
shall do whatever domestic stuff that is required of mi
>>like finally cleaning my room ..after 1 year ;p
>>my shopping bags are creating a black whole in the center of my room
i keep heaping them into a pile..
but they never seem enough..
soon it will occupy a alternte dimension of its own
and start consuming the rest of my room ;p


*yawnz*
Yunfeng says that Mr Darcy doesnt exist in real life..
I shall beg to differ
he is the closest character to real life
for while he has his flaws .. he works towards whatever he feels is right
and for the best of Elizabth
Soo Mr Dracy shall remain my dream prince..
for now ...
and in my reality ..
Ewan is Darcy :)
coo


*might have to skip mambo tonight*
soo soori ben..
cant be a bunny for ur bachelor night
im sure you can find bouncier bunnies out there .. ;p
hehe


For now i need to busy myself on research about anti-money-laundering laws
how interesting
Zzzzzzzzz..


:: hope is a dangerous thing to have .. but i hope ...i hope that the memories i have left in the dregs of your mind.. will leave a lasting imprint with sprinkles of stardust and glitter ...that will bring a smile to your face whenever you think of me ...::

*goldie*

*blig bling*
the shine is blinding me..
i see the future..
my trip to GUESS has got me Paris Hilton ambitions
flashes of gold with quirky accessories ..
*dreamz*
and soo i drift in my own world as i shop
until i bumped into Guan Hua
sitting by himslef, as girls mualed around him, ignoring his prescence
thats because he is "the invisible boyfriend"
the ones that fade into the shadows during sale and appear at the cash register .. with a strong willing arm, waiting to be loaded


ahhh
howw sweet..
i wish i had one..
mine just grumble and give me a time limit
every shop becomes a race.. a battle.. a stressful exercise ;p


Anywaz... i decided to plonk down beside him and have a friendly chat
which turned out to be a quick lesson on Mars and Venus ;p
>he said that men are naturally designed to be useless at shopping
because they can only focus on one thing at a time
and it just gets overwhelming with soo many clothes sometimes
>while women can scan and take in more things in one view
which also means we can check out a cute guy with our peripheral vision
while guys get caught checking girls out easily
LOL
> i made a reference to how guys cannot multi-task
and he said that is why when a guy is asked by his gf if he has thought of her the whole day... he will have to say no..
But the girl can say honestly that she has thought of him the whole day - while doing other stuff..


hmmm... seriouss.....
anywaz.. I wouldnt trust a guy if he said he has been thinking of me the whole day
that reeks of a huge flowerful lie


but would I want my bf to be a artful lyer???..
welllllll
if it makes me happy
i guess.. a teeny weeny white lie would do sometimes
like telling me how beautiful i am
how he wont mind if i ever become fat
how my face is actually better than the SKII model
how he worships the ground walk on
yeahhhhhhhhhhh right
like that would ever happen ;p


He wouldnt even walk slower for me
while i limp along on my bai kah leg down the stairs ;p
what a caring bf..
i imagine he would be a lovely father
training all his kids to develope strong leg muscles once they can walk
trying to keep up with him and not get lost ;p


I told him ..
I saw ci-ern's bf shielding her from the cold up on the freezng mountains
~ memories flashed back to Stong and Europe
and i got an insight (bright light and angelic music)..
>>he would never do that ...
if we were ever in a similar position
he would probably be too busy cursing about how cold he is
to bother about me
sad but true...
although he denied ...
it was a denial without much fight ;p
ahh welll
soo much for needing a hero


great ...
i am a kick-ass gal
and no one needs to take care of me yahh
that seems to be the general thought
hmmm i guess that comes with not having a heaving bossom
>> u will not have no big-strong alpha males wanting to sweep u away to some safe place (preferbly into their big-strong chests) ;p
*pui*


Anywazz...
The Decent was a great movie-- seriously fightful.. in a good way
i think it was inspired by Smeggle..from LOTR
but those smeggles are more blood-lusting than devious
:6 women getting caved-in in some ulu cave and meeting those creatures
robin said there woudlnt be much of a movie if it was 6 guys..
as guys would have made a quick job of those smeggles
but i shall treat that as a sexist remark and not comment
for some things .. rolled eyes will do


However the caving sceens are amazing thou
really inspiring to see those women do cool shit
makes me wana jump straight up and start doing cross crountry runs and rock climb and white water raft... and develope washboard abbs ;p
but that would also mean i have to open doors, carry my own bag and limp on my one good leg by myslef for teh rest of my life


ahhhh the choices we have to make ;p


on a happier note:
i got my grade review
although a B+ is still very gloomy :(
But with eyes like Rasphutin .. i would rather not talk to him anymore
I feel myself shrinking like Alice in wonderland everytime i talk to Menkoff


Kiwi on the other hand gave me an A+
!!! woohooo !!! go Supply Chain !!!
I wonder if the rest of the class saw it coming
i must admit .. we must have looked like a pretty bimbo gp heheh


Unfortunatly a 3.8 avg this term is soo not gg to get me my magna
blah


why oh why


sighz


i miss the flippant way you flip your hair, your yellow tinted smile, your jacket that kept me warm

Carnivore no more and scarred leggs

*Groanz*
NO MORE MEAT
for a while at least ;p
Just got back from a huge dinner at Carnivore, Chijmes
Despite whatever my teamates had said during the trek that they could eat a whole cow ..we could hardly stand after half an hour of meat being served continuously to us... bleah .. the bbq-ed pineapple near the end was a nice touch thou.. the caramised sweetness.. balanced the tartness of the fruit and cleansed the palette of all the heavy meat taste..*yum*


Too bad it came abit too late.. i think Heng puked it out after we left
Sad to say it wasnt a very nice warm ending to one of the most grueling trek i have attempted to date. And I thought i was prepared for anything after going to Tahan ;p
Well i was prepared for everything other than 7 .. no 8 days of RAIN .. *bleah*
And all that could possibly go wrong ..did.. well kinda off..


Journal of the trek


Start of trek:
It was then we knew why it was called ulu sepat..
yes yes.. because it is freaking ulu
the trip to the starting point of the trek was a difficult one
the roads are almost inaccessible with loose soil ..
the 4 wheel drive got caught in the mud countless times and we were forced to get out and WALK through the freaking mud soo that the driver, Shafik can force his jeep through... at 3am in the morning.. *brrrr*


=stop=
needa pack ...gg for kayakking expedition tml
haizz.. regreting it terribly now man..
if it rains again tml i will throw my paddle at the sky and start raving at it .. and then just throw my wretched body into the sea .. in defeat..
How can anyone be possibley sooo suay .. maybe because its in my name *yun* ..
Clouds have a speacial affinity to me .. ;p esp those big, fat and juicy with rain ;p urgh
The laugh with glee everytime they see me .. they go *hoho there she is.. lets follow her and drench her and cover her from the evil sun*
*pui*
i miss the gals.. and wana SHOP with simin before she leaves.. *sobs*
and now that i got my RA $$$$..i can go crazy !!!!
hiazz got money but no time to spend.. i shd just hit myself on the head on the wall ;p


Nevermind.. shopping therapy will come soon
and Work is in waiting in line
maybe a facial and manicure too to remind my body that it is a lady and not a wild jungle woman..although my body will beg to differ.. my legs are now a criss-cross of scars and sand fly bites ;p ..


im crossing my fingers for *km reveiw* and my supply chain results


My dear Kwee .. please dnt let mi down


to u: I hope you feel better .. your misery makes mi feel horrible


soo many words i cannot say .. and shall not say

*Pooh*

Gosh ..
its been a long time since i jotted down my thoughts.
so many things have happened
and yet the ironic thing is
the more things happen .. the less time i have to write


but looking back..
im not sure if i had a good term or not :(
Just got back my spanish and marketing strat grades..
and B+ and a A- respectively ..
sighz.. looks like repeating a stella year of 4 GPA is near impossible
maybe i migth not even get another deanlist..
le sighz..
*dissapointment hangs heavily in the air*


Robin tries to cheer mi up..
but .. he doesnt get it that im not sad. NONONO..
Im angry with myself..
I noe i dint apply enough of myself into those 2 .. especially spanish .
I am angry at my incompetence...
When u have reach soo far..
falling below expectations is hard to swallow


ben said to me ..
if you have no expectations.. you will not be dissapointed.
funny .. thats what DL siad about relationships ..
But i said .. if u have no expectations, you will hae no goals, you have no goals, you will not reach far, if you do not reach far, you wont move


Thats different in a relationship right? i dunoe..
i do not set goals in my relationship.
like ..err *i want a A in kissing technique* and a *A+ in positioning * .. ;p
hehehee..


BUT some good things did happen:
> we won first prize in the Triumph Marketing competition !!!
Team Maxx: simin, cora, jeffery, alvin and me..
Although there were many sleepless nights, long meetingss and unhealthy snacks... ;p at least it was funny.. alot of lame bra jokes that seemed funnier at 3 am in teh morning .. -AND will not leave the room.. * i swear*
We had seemed like an unlikely group, but looks like we pulled the stunt of the year !!
haha and there seemed to be unhappy competitors .. according to alvin: there was a competitor from SMU no less, who panned our marketing plans on her blog:
I could barely contained my smirk as i read it.
>>SHe sounded really bitter, and she thought her group's idea was a sure winner, but the judges just did not understand it fully.
*rolls eyes* .. i mean the whole point of the competition is to COMMUNICATE your idea to the judges and to IMPRESS upon them how your idea will benefit their company. I like your idea of a gothic fariy tale..seriously .. i have always thought a darker twist to fairy tales was tres chic.. but exactly, the idea is not NEW- if you think its the greatest most innovative idea of the century..
>> Please! the idea was sooo LAST CENTURY.. if you are up-to-date with the promotions of companies out there ~ which you should if you want to be a decent marketing major~ the idea was used by many already...
like Dior's last season fashion show and even the ENVY levis ads now for the ladies jeans.. reaks of your idea.. *pui*
Okay .. i have ranted enough ..I just couldnt stand the sourness, the arrogance.. :P *too bad you have no money to go Thailand now.. if you need to depend on winning a competition to go to somewhere soo near like Thailand, then you are not only a lousy marketing student, you are a lousy finance student, bec you cant even handel simple budgeting to save like what, a measly $600 ??* *snigger*


Okayyyyy i ranted more.. sorri.. no more ranting, no more bitchness- i shall retract my claws ;p xxxxxxx


>I finally got my first sports medal in my university life. haha.. not a very glam IVP medal.. but still a medal ...for the SMU runabout.
Team SMUX : yu jian, robin, heng, alvin and me.
BUT we dint compete in the CCA catergory.. being astute game theorist that we are.. we have decided that the Nash Equlibrium lies in us taking part in the "open" catergory... where our odds are better.. why compete with the track and field team?? Let the floorball, soccer, rugby fight it out amongst themselves for the so called "blonde" as Nash would say.. we on the other hand will go for the "brunette" ;p and we got the babe !! 2nd prize.. with $$ in sportslink voucher yet spent ;p


Took part in the ultimate frisbee competition: dint win anything.. but got free booze all round at Brewerkz!!!.. someone fom the frisbee team was VERY GENEROUS. I think he was drunk when he offered to buy us more drinks. hehe and I made sure to look everyone in the eye when toasting - so as not to have bad sex for 7 years ..LOL
The 7-8 pints was not very kind to my gut thou.. me and robin blacked out in front of my house.. with the car door open... because i REFUSED to get outa car.. i came around at like 4am to find him sleeping on the cement floor beside the car.. omg ! I am amazed at how safe my neighbourhood is. AND that also means too that robin is not strong enough to carry me up to my house.. ;(
HOWHOWHOW .. my wedding night ... *hmf* .. this problem shall be dealt with soon. hahah He will have to do more push-ups ;p


ANwaz i puked like i have never puked before. Beer still brings shudders down my spine .. *brrrrr*


Ahh well. lesser booze.. lesser calories ;p but ohh!!! i cant wait to go clubbing again! i feel like DANCING!!! needa shake that huge booty of mine.. its getting big enough to play mahjong on ;p


Sadly this holiday would not the season to be a merry.. I do NOT do merry :p
pah..anwayz still have Andre's and Francis research ..
still meeting Triumph to settle the follow up of our plans..
still going trekking in Malaysia . yeah! clearing another 2 of the G7 of Malaysia! ~Another 7 days of kickass climbing.. no bathing.. instant food ..lousy sleeping conditions, perpetual rain with lots of LEECHES .. URGH !But still the ideal sounds tantalising.. call me crazy .. call me anythign you like actually .. as long as you are out of hearing range ;p


> Plus Kayakking around Sinagpore and Ubin after i come back .. yeahh to feel the power of the sea.. its great to be in the elements of nature.. that is if i do not come back with "pai kah", "pai qui" or both from the trek ;p
because, you see..I havent mastered the art of paddeling with my tongue yet .. hehehe


AHh i can hear terry calling mee....shall not keep him waiting . ;p
I shall cuddle up with my latest Terry Pratchett book now ..
I love Borders !!!..
did i mention i love borders ..
yes I love Borders !!
hahhaa


BUt the man of my live now is not terry thou ..
its DOnnie !!!
*Le Swoon*.. he is amazingly hot in Sha Po Lang .. the new chinese movie
about .. triads and police in HK..
apparently after Infernal Affairs..
now everybody wants to produce a Traid-Police Movies ..*rooooolllls eyyeees twice*
And they say only the Sinagporeans are unimaginative.. ;p


But no complains here.. the movie: SPL, was filmed and produced artisitically .. very darkish stylised film.. showed signs of Quientan Tarrantino's genius .. with a yummylicious donnie yen .. srutting around in tight leather jacket, and even tighter pants.. and *holds-breath* circulation cutting tight balck shirt ..
the story gets more exciting as he takes off more clothes.. lol
sounds porno yea..i think i sound like some lecherous old man watching a shu qi movie.. ;p
Duuhhhhh


Good night.. back to my books .. and maybe tonight i shall have sweet.. ~ note: NOT WET ;p dreams of Donnie in his hottest black carrying me up to my house while im drunk .. hahhaha... * pish* .. someone hit me ..pleaseeee...

Jeepers Creepers

Today I saw a most gruesome sight
I thought i would have lost my appetite for the day
*although that thought perked mi up for awhile since that would mean i would stick to my diet*
unfortunately .. nothing can gross me enough to loose my appetite for long ;p


>> I was happily walking along to school from the Raffles MRT.. reading my 8 days
when outa the corner of my eye... i though i saw something unbeliveable
i took a second glance to make sure im not hallucinating
when *gasps* its true....


A very terrible case of cellulite !!!!


>> noo nooo * shakes head* im not being bitchy..
i mean eveyrbody faces problem with some cellulite
i have it and i hate my legs..
unless you happen to be a stick thin
which unfortunately ..ALOT of SMU girls are...
*grrrr bitchyness level rises*


>> anyway this plump..NOT fat girl was walking in front of mi
wearing a freaking short skirt (it barely touched her ass... i noe, i noe ~ i wear short skirts too..but... thats another story ;p)
and the back view of her legs is like the picture above..but worse
I could actually see her upper inner things rubbing against each other as she walked..
*bile rising* ~ retching sounds
i hope for the good of mankind..that she is actually wearing cuellots (Spelling error..but u get what i mean ;p)
Would not, alot of people will be regurgitating their lunches when she "zhao geng"
i think she might have caused some road accidents along the way
~ drivers cannot clutch their eyes in agony and stear the car at the same time


whats up man
have some sense of self awareness here
it seems to be the classic case of the ostrich syndrom
~ "if i cant see it ..its not there" ~
well you cant see it ..but everyone else CAN !!
please dont scare people like that..
chinese 7 month over liao..


*LESSON OF THE DAY*
Please look at the mirror for your back view, side view,up view,down view etc.
before you leave the house
i mean .. what the heck ~ get a large 3-way mirror just to be safe..;p


Please note: I DO NOT have anything against fat people..
I think im rather fleshy myself too
I emphatise..
I am not evil
well... maybe slightly..its the time of the night .hehhe;p
but im biased against silly people who do silly things.
i dnt think they can sue mi in court for it right..?
i mean its a utilitarian view of things
i just want the best for mankind ..
"world peace" ~bimbo smile
Waves goodbye
time to sleep ..
hope i dont get nightmares tonight


meanwhile i shall strive for legs like these:



*everybody can dream... cant they*

tales of a mad woman

Madness
The past 2 weeks have been super hectic
deprived of exercise, sleep, healthy food and sun
i desperately need some Vit D
But from the looks of things, i am destined to look like the undead for the rest of the term.
Palor so doesnt become me :(
slowly becoming pale,fat and pimply *groanz*


I think im crazy
just today, i have met 2 profs and taken on 2 more jobs.
A research assitant for Francis Koh and a teaching assistant for BP
Plus the research assitant for Andrer Bonfrer that i am already currently..
I forsee alot more sleepless nights ;p
Sufferance is the badge of my ... self ? haha
shakesphere i am not


I noe robin will say im greedy !!
but the money is good ~$10 an hr ..
dreams of shopping bags float into view..
ahhhhhh
yess... MANGO, ZARA, GUESS, ROXY... *drool*
i wana shop !!!
i still have $50 Mango voucher left from my bdae gift ;p
Is there no one else !!! Is there no one else !!! ..
out there who will go shopping wif mi ? :)


But it is not only about the money of course.. im NOT THAT materialistic ;p
the experience of research work will help mi regardless of whether i wana go into the consulting industry or try for a fellowship for PhD.
I just really really hope that i can cope with all this work load..
plus mugging for my grades
and practising salsa.. and mauy thai
and make myself physically fit in time for the trek at the end of the year...
*looks into the sky for some divine intervention*


I never knew or foresaw that i would become such a student..
Actually I also dunoe what kinda student i am now..
For the longest time in my yr 1 of Uni.. i have always been an average student..
very low key, plain, not in the "in" crowd, fluked my Comms presentation until i have lost all confidence..


What has changed between these 2 years..
I seem to expect more of myself.. more and more..
The pressure to do well buids up every year
But yet I dnt feel that i have changed much ..
i still feel like a plain, lowly student that nobody thinks much of
I wonder how do others see mi as a student of SMU, as a person
ahh welll
cannot think too much
* go munch on some chocolates to think happy thoughts *


~ a few seconds later...
Happy thoughts !!!... happy thoughts !!..
hmm...
>>KTV with the SMUX ppl last saturday..
Melvin, Dom , Weijie, Jackie .. all KTV kings *swoon*


>>Won the SMU Runabout ! 2nd place Open catergory with robin, yujian, heng, alvin
I never knew Alvin can run soo fast .. :P
hehe.. soo all the bulk is really muscles ehh.. hmmm


>>Our Triumph competition's piece was finally done and handed in.. thanks babes for all the laughs and reviving the memory of my secondary school projects..the overnight stay at my house was definatly sumthing i have never done in a long long time..
just hope that we can all do it again in a different setting.. with some movies, hot chocolates, face masks and loads of gossip ;p
althou the result dint turn out like what we expected, hopefully they can sense our totally amazing vision... :p


>> night bike was last last week (yeah i havent wrote in a loggg time)
.. its great to feel the wind in my face again.. my cycling experience seems to be limited to how many nightbikes SMUX has ;p
~the geylang tour..the campy games..the freaking steep hill up kent ridge park..with a lovely co-GL by my side..

>> my 2 year anniversary with robin is coming next saturday ! haha..
i cant think of what to get him... help ! i need some inspiration..
He has been a sweetie.. delivering Macs to my house for supper at 2 am.. to eat with mi and do work. It great that he is finding his way around school and trying to extend his social circle.. which seemed to have evolved into the "inner circle" which is not very "inner" or circular anymore ;p


I cant imaging that we have been together for only 2 years..
it seems like forever already..
In such a short period of time, we have been on a cruise, to Aur, Bangkok, Puket, Barcelona, Rome, Paris, Venice, England, Hong Kong...
maybe we can hosts a traveling show.. :P
ahh the ultimate dream job.. ~
"wish you were here" postcards fluttering in the sky...

HOW TRUE.. hmm but does that mean Melvin is like tat too ?? since he has the same birth date ;p lol

Your Birthdate: May 4

Being born on the 4th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize. Sincere and honest, you are a serious and hard working individual. Your feelings are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. The number 4 has something of an inhibiting effect on your ability to show and express affections, as feeling are very closely regulated and controlled. You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. There is a good deal of rigidity and stubbornness associated with the number 4.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Hmmm..

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

~ Amused ~

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Beer Belly Upz

Been a busy busy week
almost maddening ...
soo many ppl to meet ..
soo many companies to beg
soo many activities to join


but i keep procrastinating
i just dnt feel like connecting with other people..
its tiring... because you need to make the effort to communicate
and i could just feel myself shrinking into a shell
i just wana hide somewhere and study


be like a turtle..


to maintain a certain sembience of sanity ..
i did a "alvin"..
i just played the same song over and over again on my laptop
thankfully i had better earphones..
and dint drive anybody to jump of the lib block by making them hear the same song for the 50th time ;p
~kelly (of superidol fame) :: Bei Ai De Nu Ren ::
I dunoe why .. but that song just struck a cord in mi .. such anguish ..
it feels great to sing the anguish outa ur heart... makes it feel less burdened


But i digressed>>
Losta of things happened for the past week.
Looks like some subconcious part of me is on a devious plan to drive myself crazy ..


~Me and sab went on the tryouts on tuesday and got into the latin dance performance group..
how exciting..
although i had went in with the feeling of ... "its okei if i dnt get in.. im quiet sucky anywazz"
but once you have performed...
the nerves get to you ..
you just dunwana fail..
when you have put ur heart doing something well .. you just cant walk away with a defeat


And i have found for myself another NY alumni ..
my dance partner..
who was a good dancer and smelled very nice..hmm
women are ruled by their heart..
im ruled by my nose .. ;p


Surprise, surprise ~some guys atcually went to learn salsa during their NS..
*gosh*
jaw drops..
maybe im not knowing the right type of guys..
lol


And because of the salsa trials.. we missed some of ben's performance at Canava ...in Chijmes..
we proceeded to rest our feet and enjoyed some beer..
sch a nice atmosphere.. and yes althou the Hoobastank song :The Reason: was overplayed..
Ben wasnt keen on playing it..but he still sang it on request anywaz..
oh come on... its such a crowd fav..
one of those songs you can sing your heart out to regardless you are drunk or not ..;p
its nice too see smu ppl gathered in some place other then in class.. in kopitiam or in the toilet (which is where i end up meeting alot of friends incidentally~by that i mean my female friends ;p)


BEER ..its such a amazing useful thing..
makes you high..
warms you up
a conversation starter..
And best of all..
numbs you to terrible singing ..
which was why ..i bought more beer for myself when the second band after JetlaxXx came on.


Please// if you fancy yourself a rocker.. play rock tunes..
you cant think that bec pop has more mass appeal.. then you try and do some pop/rock mumbo jumbo
unless you happen to be ..ermmm ...Alien Ant Farm or someting..
~you cant have your cake and eat it !!
who.. you tell mi WHO plays a rock version of spice girls' 2 become 1 !!!
urgh !!
*in my beer haze*..i can imagine the rolling stones .. all having instantaneous heart attacks together..if they were there that night.. an amazing finale that would be ... *very drama* ..


ANYWAZ.. okie.. forget what i said.. im sure they have their share of fans.. ermmm i think i noe one of them *rolls eyes*
haha both bands are playing again this tuesday i think...Jetlaxa .. i stress will be playing at 10pm .. this time... soo no point going earlier yah ;p


~Hmm more abt Chijmes..
went there again on friday night..
haha i think me and sab are gg to set a tradition of having it as a drinking night ;p


~But friday nigth got off to a bad start when i fluffed my stretching exercise during Muay Thai
everytime i do 1 exercise wrong.. 10 squats for everyone..
damn ..i dnt noe we did how many .. my thighs still ache now ;p
i think i became very very black face..( i wonder how i look when im angry.. must be very ugly ..yucks)
johnny and sam were like... *are you okie.. its alright you noe.. we all dio it too*
but ..nah i wasnt angry with the instructor ... i was angry with myself !
i cant believe i did the stupid routine soo many times and yet i cant remember it ..
soo daff .. and everyone had to do the squats with me.. feel soo bad. :(


~but johnny was very nice in helping me with my techniques later.. he is truely very patient..
esp with someone who has no psychomotor skills and a short attention span.. like me..
maybe i can ask for some private lessons * ;p * lol


i tot i would be having dinner alone.. on a friday night !
when evryone had to leave after muay thai
but amazingly.. sab was gg to have beer with the er jun, ben and shuan in sch
hahaha
soo i trughed back to sch ..abit duh ..but .. who can resist some Stella Artois !!
we had a small drinking session at a gsr..and i was giving an impromtu massage service..
the whole set up seem sleazy man.. lol .... but its not...
i just wonder what would the Dean think if he happened to walk by ..


after the dive meeting started.. me and sab proceeded to cafe cartel to make a pig of ourselves..
too bad nobody else was ard to help us finish the food..*burps*
Oh man good food and beer... deja vu ...ehh sab..
we chatted until the dive meeting ended and met the dive com ppl at chijmes and proceeded to have more wine at Esmiralda..
now that is a totally diff drinking enviornment ;p haha
rustic wooden tables.. wine..garlic bread.. music playing in the background..
ahhh... provience spain perhapes ??


~soo there we were..stuffed... a little tipsy..
but when someone mentioned KTV... there were still enough survivals to band together to head dwn to orchard party world..
~singing till the wee hours of the morning..where i found that
* Dom.. is a regular KTV king ..wooo *claps* .. he does not need a tight underwear to hit those notes !!
* Jasmin, Jessen and me (Jaslyn) .cannot read chinese for nuts.. ahh is there a corelation there
* i am the only one that must sing with the singer's voice on..(all self respecting KTV-ers are out there shaking their heads..)
* sab has a cute voice when she is singing .. abit like my sis.. hehhe
* i still need more work on my "bei ai de nu ren" >> more tight underwear reinforcements
*ozzy is looking more and more like ben .. hmm... *raised eyebrows*


okei i shall not go on.. or ill kena whack..


ahh well. and soo the amazingly packed week ended with a weekend of mugging
kopitaim for meals both on sat and sun ..
how sad can that be *sniff*
but the weeks seem to be flying by..
its gg ot be week 5 and i still feel like i have just began.. hiaz.. damn wait for me..!!!!


:: ohh today is mid-autum fest::
mooncakes galore !!! yumzz chomp !!
~bishan park will be very prettily lit tonight
.. and i get the best veiw ...

cherry flavored dreamz

*groans*
body ache
all over
ohhh the pain !!! the agony !!


but all seems to be for naught..
cause i ate back what i burned at muay thai
all the suffering gone to waste
damn...


although good food, good company, good ambience was a nice way to spend friday night
guo teh dinner and beer with shisha after that...
unexpected company .. but delightful nonetheless


there we were ..trying to act like arabic shieks ..
i took a HUGE breath of cherry flavored smoke in
held it and breath it out..
but there was no smoke !! wtf did it go ...
i left with a tummy bloated full of cheery flavored smoke..
and noo... i did not fart out cherry scented farts.. *ewww*

lousy lah ..

i guess..im not up to being a oil-rich shiek
but .. a full beard and white robe is just soo not me either...
although finding one as a sugar daddy would be not soo bad a idea..


but baikun was amazing ...
he can make the smoke come outa his mouth, his nose, his ears ..
in torrents ..
sab says he looks like a dragon and we captured it on video..
ohh my.. hmm what were we thinking ..
lol



hmmm
but its such a feel-good expereince ..
beer and conversation late into the wee hours ..
too bad we dnt do this more often...
people just dnt seem to be connecting with other people anymore
a meal is a meal ..
we are all soo wrapped up in our own lives

but who can be blamed..
im sure the smu proffs are gg to be solely responsible for the death of a young rain forest with this term's readings alone.
quick somebody call Greenpeace !!!


Oohh talking about sch stress..
i dozed off today while waiting for a call
and... dreamt of Glenn Wharthon ... ~~~~
:: saw him at a school fuction .. racked my brain to say sumting to him ..since he is my spanish proff ... blurted a good morning.. when *horrors* its actually evening ... * he corrected mi .. i shuttered... and *ring*
a phone call woke mi up ...
damn..


i think it can be classified a nightmare..
like one of those we have before the day of our exams .. when we dream of failing our paper or our textbooks attacking us (im serious .. my friend had that dream before our physics paper)
never knew spanish causes such anexity to my subconcious ...
lol..
either that or i habour a crush on glenn .. soo secret that i dnt even noe abt it ..
*ewwww* ..
Noo......... never


there was another dream... but... its was too freakily weird ...even to write it dwn ..
*gossbumps*

Anwazz.. back to work ..
~lalalala
i wana dance~ i wana dance ~ i wana dance !!!
hiaz

Masks

a qoute that floated across the room from the TV caught my attention ::


" men find it hard to take down their masks .. while women put on too many masks "


my chinese translation skill is not too hot.. but im sure i got the gist ..
i went... omg
thats it ..isint it
such clarity of thought..
and all these while here we are trying to figure if men came from mars and women came from venus...


since we all come from this so-call planet earth ..soo how different can we be ??
i mean we go through life together, experience the same things, eat the same food...
but men and women realtionships seem to exist outside the boundaries of common sense..
it not just about biology....or hormones or ... time spent in the bathroom..


basically we can and we should be able to communicate with each other
but we just do not want to
we choose not to ..
we hide behind excuses of differences..
masks ..
for reasons only we know..


I have many ..
too many .. that everytime i take one off i find another one..
soo where is the real me..
maybe there is never one..
maybe they are all me ....

one big headache

no mood to party

possessiveness, paranioa and jealousy...

driving me up the wall

ridiculous accusations

as if anybody else will want mi..

hiaz

No Espanol ~~

Hola...
Sadly..I have to say adios to my 3 term pipe dream of learning spanish ... :(
Ahhhh ..si si
I just dnt have enuf edollars
and its nobody else's fault but mine ;p
~ for squandering my edollars on the likes of dear old TBS
.. i guess my skirt wasnt short enough ;p

School is into its second week and the most happening place is the library
says alot about our sch culture aii
Sadly the freshmen bash seems lackluster soo far
no buzz no excitment
and what kinda cheesy theme is Rendezvous??
urgh...
tacky !!!!!!
and it doesnt help that Hotel Rendezvous is right beside the school
doesnt seem very good if your event brings to mind a dubious 3 star hotel does it..


and it conjours up images of JC proms with themes like "starry night" or "retro night" ;p
with girls in dowdy Daniel Yam dresses and big hair looking like the 40 yr old aunties which the dresses were actually meant for...
~guys in loud shirts and even louder ties (their dad's) ...
with enough gel in their hair to brick the great wall of china..
the food is always bad (nobody actually eats it)
the music worse..
and the fashion of the teachers chaperoning ....worst...


but i guess that depends on which shcool you came from..
i noe SOME PEOPLE buy Hugo Boss suits for their prom..
ahh well..
but my prom wasnt all that bad...
I even had a prom date who actualy came to fetch me in a *gasp* mercedes...
taxi ;p


but anihow it was a real sweet move and very "high school"
~fulfilled my lifelong wish of being like a typical american teenager..
although noo.. it wasnt very romantic and i dint have get a corsage... ;p

thats what silly thoughts you get from watching too many movies

i dnt think my sch actually had a prom date tradition -- too cheena
most of the guys are soo "traditionally chinese"..i think alot of them still have the same mentality as my dad's generation about women ..
which is ..that we, women shd stay at home .. cook and be a good wife/mother/cleaner
.....
Men


I use to think that SMU guys are different
that they are more open minded
about things like having a wife that earns more than them ..
or who aspire to be a CEO
and that they are not intimidated or put-off by a girl that is better than them .. and more driven than them


But is that true ??
Or are the nature of men such that
they admire girls who are driven and successful and smart
they like to look at girls who dress daringly..
They enjoy talking to girls who are friendly and speak their minds


BUT when they have a girlfriend...
they expect the girl to dress more conservetively..
to be willing to stay at home to take care of the kids
to ease talking soo much to other guys
and be there when they are needed...


Are these acceptable sacrifices that a girl has to make ..
some do it galdly because they are willing to change for love
but what if you are not willing??
kh once asked mi ...
shouldnt people be willing to change for love??
or sumting along that line


I use to think ..yes..
that love is all powerful...
but is there a limit ??
how much are u willing to change yourself for the person you love
shd we accept each other for who we are...
or impose changes

ahh welll.....
Just wish they will outlaw Daniel Yam dresses from all proms ;p