oh bitter heart.. why do you bleed

Im sick of all these he says
you are squeezing me outa your life
no matter how hard i try
i just get indifference
I no longer look forward to see you
if you were my friend .. i wont even look you up
are you trying to slowly kill me
to force me to break up with you..


So do you still love me i ask
he says he is doesnt feel anything ..
he feels empty..
he is bitter...


a run along rosy route that turned into a long long walk
silence..
i couldnt think of what to say
my mind was a blank
empty .. of words... of emotions


am i indifferent to him
am i not happy to be with him anymore
am i treating him badly
ignoring his efforts to be a better
do i still love him


silence..
he taunts me to reply
my mind is still a blank
say something, i tell myself
there has to be an end
to be a conclusion here


but what do i want the ending to be
do i walk away and leave all this behind
do i ask for forgiveness


The choices in life that we are forced to make
why is life soo cruel


in the end i decided to do what is expected
to ask for forgiveness
to ask for time to change
to ask to wait till the hk trip is over
before we decided if we are fated to be


maybe a few days alone together could hep sort things out
maybe it will help put our relationship into perspective
the litmus test .. such pressure on a simple trip
meant for leisure


maybe
alot of maybes
one day the maybes will run out
what will be left of me


does he truly love me
or have i already turned his heart into stone
a bitter heart ..
a cold cold heart..
no longer will he bleed for me then
is that what i want ...


what do i want


my heart refuses to answer


fuck u
my heart says
you never listened to me anywaz..

I wana be lost.. to float alone free

*bliss*
did PPT the whole day..
the theme was >> laundry
made bubbles bubbling up the screen with sound clips
perfection in animation...
I wish i can make lots of $$ outa doing powerpoints.. ;p


Life has not been good..
i swear im getting fat..
cant stop myself from eating :(
miss the days when i have the discilpline to eat like a rabbit..
maybe ill try more drastic measures when i stop working..
more time to exercise everyday and away from evilll food..
i think a huge problem is bec i eat with guys...
i eat normal portions.. sometimes more...
~joel always tempt me with deserts ... ;p


im sure the next 2 weeks till the end of my internship will fly by
~like a jetplane .. *sonic hopefully.. soo fast that i cant hear it*
maybe ill wake up one morning and go... *hi... what day isit today?..
ohh its a monday ... and im here-- sunning my big fat butt in my bed*
~with the sun climbing soo high that the morning had gotten tired of waiting for me
leaving in disgust .. with only the afternoon to glare down at my sheepish face..
okie... i am balbbering.... *falls dwn to earth*


Hmm how come i am surrounded by soo many depressed guys??
What isit about life that is soo sianzz?
look on the bright side..
even if u have to craw outa ur shell, outa the ground and under that rock to see it
there is always more to life
i love life ..
and i wana live it to the fullest
i wana have no regrets .. to live for myself
and myself only
BUT in a society where humans have to interact
there are cumbersome things like social ties--
responsibility to ur partner, accountability to ur parents and repect for the law...


even thou we talk about right of individual freedom..
we are still bounded by soo many responsibilities to fulfill..
have the society evolved all these years only to have more and more societal rules weighting us down...?
If soo i would rather be back in ancient times..
wearing just animal skins
--*not bec they are in fashion* but no more a slave of fashion i will become.. i can wearing clashing prints ( leopard over zebra maybe) for all i care..*
or if i fancy i can prance ard naked.. thou i suspect it gets pretty cold out there in the wild..
I will be a mini Zena warrior and spend my time roaming ard ..
knocking cute Hercules types on the head and dragging them back to my cave..
no rules of courting.. just 3 simple steps--
swing, pull and rut and thankyou very much...
hmm here i go again


--soo many news recently --
but i just cant get myself to blog..
i think if i put my real feelings about my current state of affairs down, they will become a fact..
i dnt think i wana see them in balck and white
running away from my heart i am
but i have always been an escapists
i do not have the need for the real world now....


simin tempted me with a proposal to go exchange together ..
i think that seems just like what i need
an opportunity to get away and know myself better
i have this niggling feeling that i noe myself well enough
and my heart even better
but i suspect maybe what my brain comprehends is soo bad that it decided to shut me away from me ..
trauma induced mental block they call it


*yeah.. crap*


okie.. news flash -- the period of FuDa (u can guess lah who lah ) is over!!
-- they have broke up ..
a witness spotted her holding hands with another guy.. all lovey dovey
soo .. the hubby wunny honey tubby phase is over huh .. *snigger*
darn .. they soo deserve one another
2 suffering (delusional to say the least) fools who are only good for each other...
am i mean?? i noe im mean .. do u think im mean ?? hahahah


Anywazz so many things happened the past few days ..
Momo then DblO then Momo again..
in a moment of weakness ( i wasnt that drunk yet ;p) i got cajoled by a pushy model to take part in the Miss Tropicana (*rolls eyes* how cheesy) competition at Momo.. the freebies look good .. but i dnt tink i will go for the actual event ..cant imagine myself parading in a beach dress in front of a crowd...
maybe if i get drunk enough...
or if i can get some plastic surgery done for free...
or if the lights are dark enough..
or if they give me a million bucks (thats out..i dnt even think the prize $$ is half as much)
.... you get the idea......


saw The island and Sincity ...
SIncity was way cool...flim nior type.. abit of a comedy too..
its like a parody of the detective movies of the 50s ??
~where the characters do alot of their own narration...with cheesy lines and exeggerated actions
Jessica Alba is hot as usual yes yes *i can hear all the guys sighing in unison whenevr she comes onscreen*.. ;p
but to mi she has a very plain face.. soo unless she really flaunts her body ... she will not be a stunner to mi ;p


Scarlett Johanson on the other hand is damn hot ..
her lips are soo plush .. even i feel like kisiing them... wheew.... she looks damn sultry on the 8days cover...even better than the ugly FHM model ;p
BUT of course Ewan is still the cutest.. he looks older.. but still cute...nice lean *okey skinny* body ;)
i think its the accent .. makes me wana french the hell outa him.. yummy


--we had another "discussion" --
.. not 1 but 2 in the span of 4 days!!!
soo mentally tiring
so emotionally confusing
i think he has no one to vent his fustrations on..
soo he cao beh to me.. even thou i am the source of some of his fustrations
soo in the end he is cao behing abt me to me..
then i get fustrated..
i really really wish he will get more friends ..
he doesnt understand that some things you can only tell ur friends
he thinks im ludicrous for wanting to vent my fustrations in a blog or with a heart to heart wif my gfs ..
I guess im not so hot with this "communication is vital in a realtionship" thing ;p
*express your feelings-- my arse*
They never teach it in school leh..
how ???

Au Lait

ow do you pronounce that ??
*sheepish*
I asked for it at Royce during lunchtime at suntec... and it came out like " aww latte"
but the sales person pronounced someting else really fast i couldnt even catch it but nodz my heads anywazz...
Haha reminds me when i was in Europe >> nobody truly understood what the other was speaking ..but we got along anywazz...
Buying a train tiicket required a large amount of hand waving, mouthing words slowly and nodding...
Ahhh i love the feeling of bumbling around ..feeling slightly lost and having absolutly all the time in the world.
The feeling of walking along the streets of Paris with leaves drifting down ...makes me feel like im in one of those serious art flims .. with solemm music playing in the background>>


Anywas .. the chocolate (aww latte, au lat, ohh let ???) was absoultly divine.....
soo soft and smooth and slightly bitter but with no aftertaste..
yummy and the whole packaging was gorgeous..
i think the japanese really know their packaging, somehow even their hair gel can look soo elegant and enticing..maybe i shd go there on exchange ot learn more about marketing and branding ;p


after working at Kao for some time, i realise i enjoy packing stuff >> i like to make things look attractive.. more than the normal promotional initiatives like thinking about how much discounts to put, whether to the product will sell more in loyalty packs... everyday exercises of selling a product.
I wish i took art and continued into designing :(
I am soo confuse now.. i have no idea what career path i wana take..
Maybe PR .. maybe MR ..maybe just R&R ( be a tai tai )
The only thing im sure of is that i wana have a succeeful career and make lots of $$ ( dnt we all !!)


Haizz..
i am soo brain dead now..
wil go for a long slow jog to clear my head ....

Evil Taxi Companies - The Empire has struck back silently

Late today again :( the run yest really shag mi out
~sadly no rainbow to console me
coped a chocolate from the fridge to make the ride more enjoyable..


absolutly ridiculous taxi driver..
kept asking me which road i wana take
I said take the fastest one ( duh)
he said he doesnt dare to commit ...later sala ....ask mi to choose
WTF -- aii i called for a taxi lor.. im the passenger .. not the driver.
like that must well I drive the cab right??
grrr.... im such a road idiot
~ i dnt noe the PIE from the CTE from the back alley
thus its very fustrating when the taxi drivers are soo ham ji and do not wana take the responsibility of taking the "correct" route.
Oii ..please have some proffesional pride can .. you should noe the roads better than i do.. ;p


Anywaz.. was browsing through my new book on the cab
~happiness
A complilation of the 5 Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy series...
bwahahhaha.... i have always wanted to own them all..
Ken was the one that introduced me to Douglas Adams.. and i am forever grateful .. *prostrate..thankyou thankyou kisss your toes*
I have never been much of a book buyer.. more of a book borrower..*cheapskate lah*
BUt now i find the library stocks pathetic and there is a stronger sense to have books that i really enjoy reading by my side...
I have always had cupboard loads of books at home.. my mom's collection >> then it dawned on mi one day as i contemplated moving out of my home sweet home >> those books do not belong to me .. >> i will have to start my own collection which i can bring with me and share with my kids in futhure>> :)


Thus for the past 2 years i have been adding bit by bit to my book shelve
~now a single shelve .. soon... the whole bookcase !!!
I cant imagine a life without books..
Im particularly geeky in the bookworm sense..
i can eat and read.. walk and read.. shit and eat ..>>err u get the idea
It is my main form of escapeism..
i escape alot ..in that sense im a coward..i cant face the real world without my dose of fiction
i hope i dont seem all that weird to people


Anywazz... more on my buys ::
SHopped for sissy's prezzie yesterday at bugis...
a nice boho chick necklace :: blue beads with fake metal coins type..
and it can act as a belt too .. :)
I noe she has been talking about getting that boho look >> from reading her blog
and i noe its soo hard to attain it .. bec the acccessories costs a bomb..
soo this would be my little contribution
plus i can borrow it when i need it too * evil glint in the eye..wrings hands*


BUT.. im thinking of adding someting else to that prezzie too.. maybe some nice chocolates?? Royce ? or treat her to some nice desert somewhere
but she is soo busy recently..bec of her council.. :( we talked less liao.. and she seems pissed more often.. maybe its teens angst or just PMS ;p


hahah oh yah .. and i havent recieved MY bdae prezzie from her yet ..
duh... it was in May lor..
she said she wana get a few parts .. now she is up to 3.. havent finish getting them all yet..
right....
keep adding to that and hopefully i can get it for my 23rd..or 24th ....hahaha


Went shopping with DL for her bikini the on wednesday .. hahh
Very challenging bec her budget was quite tight ;p
im a roxy fan lah.. soo i dnt get very inspired when i see like 20+ dollars bikinis :(
but.. we did see a nice one. at far east *very retro* ... did u buying it dl??
but i must say .. i envied the ample chest you gained fr US ..hahaha
noo not fr plastic surgery .. * i think* .. more from good old rice and potatoes right :P
hahah
I am soooooo self-conciously flat..sighzzzz...
I blame my mum.. and my kids will blam me tooo :P urgh...vicious cycle of the badly endowed
maybe i shd find a husband who has good genes
before agreeing to marry the guy must first scrutinise his mum's chest .. haha!!!
OMG how pervertic...
and better if he is tall and lean and good looking ~ *okei i can continue dreaming*
The worst thing is im not overall skinny
i wish i was .. like model thin .. then the chest size is justified..
ppl dnt go like :: eww. she is flat chested..
they will go like:: oh..its okie what .. she is soo thin..
its all about relativity right>> ;p


Oh yah i digressed...
while shopping for dl's bikini.. i gave in to temptation and bought 2 !! not 1 but 2 !!
short crop jackets !!!
its a nice new shop ..the guy designs the clothes himself...i will definately go back again..bec ..i got a member card !!! hahhaah*
i think the guy was soo happy he threw in a sequined flower brooch at a discount
haha... hiayah i cannot make it....but they both look sooo nice..
will put a pic of them online when i can ;p
AND i spent more than dl when we are in actual fact shoppoing for her..
faint*


I was never a shopping person..
i guess bec i have always been a fat kid.. i never really like to buy clothes.. i mean..if u look ugly in everything whats the use of buying them right??
somehow while on the Barcelona BSM>> i just got bitten by the shopping bug..
and i have bec uncontrolable ever since :P
robin says i get a glazed look in my eyes when i shop
machiam like possesseed like that.. ;p
maybe i shd go for therapy >>
is there a Singapore Shopping Annonymous out there???


*help*
~waves credit card around desperately~

dreams of wala wala

Yunfeng is CUTER then ever!!!!...*swoon*


There ...i needed to get that off my chest..and put it down in black and white
~even in the hazy gloomy setting of wala wala .. he is even more mesmerizing..


*I dnt think it was the beer*
......i hope

Taurus <3 Taurus

Jaslyn, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Taurus


Taurus, the Bull (April 21 to May 21): This warmhearted and determined partner is just your type. Initially, a Taurus may catch your eye with a romantic gesture or their penchant for having a good time. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Taurean's unwavering devotion and dedication. People born under this sign typically know what they want out of life and stick by the decisions they've made. This devotion to their own truths can make members of this sign seem stubborn or critical at times. However, know that most Taureans are also sentimental types who like to focus on their romantic relationships. In the bedroom, you're apt to find that the Bull is a creative and expressive lover with a high sex drive. It's just another aspect of their vital nature, one that finds pleasure in everyday things and has an eye for beauty.

Naked truth .. i am not happy ..

I love mondays ...
hahhh yeah right.... only bec it would mean its closer to the end of my internship !!!
I cant wait to go Hong Kong (but Kayboon is suggesting that we join him at Shang Hai) !!!
However its saddening that typically -- everybody bang seh us..
soo it looks like its me and robin again ... ;p
ahh welll... I dunoe if I will enjoy going overseas with him .. after Europe ;p
He just gets soo up-tight about being in a foreign environment.


The MRT was crazily packed again today and I found myself squashed diagonally bewteen a leary looking old man, a fat inconsiderate aunty( who kept poking her bag into my ribs), a weird looking guy with BO and someone i cant see behind me.. urgh!!!
I hate the morning crowd, i hate coming into close proximity with people i wouldnt even come within 5 m of in normal circumstances.
With no space to read a book, we are all forced to look preoccupied and try not to look at each other's eyes.... and make a slow and painful count down until we reach our stop. ;p
Can imagine how it will be like traveling to school everyday in the morning.. ~sighz


Anywazz.. my head have been sooo F* up recently...
too much things to think about... the relationship..
I realised that our views about life and how a relationship should unfold seem to be different.
I guessed it never occurred to us when we are very happy with no issues at hand
but whenever an issue pops up, no matter how small, there will be disagreements
althou in the end one party might give in.. there will be unhappiness harboured


But what abt now.. when it involves something more close at hand??
Individual freedom..
who will be willing to give in??
Should a couple be given space to grow on their own??
Do i have to tell him everything that i want to do.
Do I have to consider him in all my decisions..


A simple thing like when i just mentioned to him that i wana go backpack with simin.. maybe to south america.. and we can check out the nudist beach..
and he goes.. WHAT without me!!..
apparently he expects me to want to travel everywhere with him..
to do everything with him...
to want to spend all my time with him...


Then he goes on abt how he seems to be the one putting effort in the relationship
and i dnt make him happy when he needs me the most
and he doesnt feature in any of my plans


I tried to use logic and go like..if u dont feature in my future, do u think i wana plan my timetable with you, to bid lessons with you, to wana go HK with u .. >>
and he said - thats not it, you dnt even wana spend saturday nights with me. And you wana go Muay Thai and you wana chiong and you wana go out with your friends.. where am I ??
>> and i go like I tot i see a lifetime with you.. why are bothered about the little things now..
and he said the little things are what matter...
and I dnt see your future with me inside... i tried ... but i dnt..
and he goes.. would you be better off being single >>


.. no respons from me..
bec i really dnt noe...
its scary when after you have committed yourself to spending the rest of your life with someone
suddenly... you are faced with the possibility of that not happening anymore.
Of an uncertain path...
Im not sure if i wana take that path...


Somehow. We are so different in terms of views .. he is so conservative, so law abiding. He likes to judge people easily based on the surface facts.
Simple things like:: if i say like i wana get a tatoo ... and you can see his face change..he thinks tatoos are for "bad people" .. oh gosh.. which century are we living in???


And today..i woke and found love bites on my neck. WTF, i need to go to the office !!! I specifically said already... i do not like to have visible love bites... it seems like im branded.. soo degrading... and what if my boss sees them.. ill be damn paiseh...
He said sorry .. spur of the moment.. but its like .. he does not respect me enuf...
its something very fundamental right???


I dnt noe.. am i not seeing the big picture clearly or the small picture or whatever...
i dnt noe abt how this relationship will go
i dnt even noe if i wana spend the rest of my life with him liao
i need some time to think .. to find in myself what are my true feelings for him..
now there is just too much external stimuli .. work stress and other distractions like vivace...


gg to have lunch with him later...
but it seems pointless to talk through things any more .. bec he always dwell on the same things..and they do not get resolve..
because we are both not backing dwn from our stands..
a standstill... static... unmoving... lodged in the chasm of a crack in our relationship


Almost like a western movie.. a shootout at noon
*du du du du du ... du du du *
Silhouette against the sultry sun .. arms bended in readiness…
The last man standing....

Ovaltine Overdose.. and gourmet fantasies

Heee..
My drink of the mo :: Ovaltine 3 in 1 ::
Its been a long time since I have last tried it ... way back in Primary school probably..
With a sudden bout of nostalgia i had picked up an ovaltine 3 in 1 pack and bought it on a whimp while grocery shopping with robin.


Hah grocery shopping on a sunday, how domesticated right? I almost feel like one of those young married couples doing their weekly shopping at NTUC-- so typically Singaporean , so predictable.... so mundane.... ;p


But I love grocery shopping, seeing aisles upon aisles of food makes me happy, there is always the urge to grab a trolley and fill it up with goodies. I love browsing at all the delicious looking biscuits and snacks and cooking sauces and wondering if i should buy them to try. Although I usually leave the place empty-handed, I just enjoy imagining myself buying them and how they would taste like...
Sometimes ... when Im feeling rich or greedy I would give in to the temptation ... and the feeling of buying a treat for myself .. fills me up with an inner child-like glee.


The best place to indulge in my grocery fantasies:: Marcs and Spencer. hahh.. The classy packaging makes their food look absolutly to-die-for. Its the whole clean white deco plus lucious looking images of their products. The best thing is that their food is really as good as it looks. Damn ...I feel hungry just thinking about it.


Preparing and eating food can be such a sensual affair, i think we can get as much pleasure from delicious food as from sex.. although many might disagree... but i guess sex is healthier since u get a workout while you just get fat from eating too much rich food ;p
That is why I enjoy wathing Nigela's (not sure if spelt right) cooking show. There is a lazzy sensual attitude towards food, that arouses and awakens one's senses. Although there are accusations of her trying to sex up her show for rating purposes.. i think her detractors are just prudes- lemmings who all jump to agree once a "authoritative" opinion is given- a fallacy quciksand.


It's not like she prances around the kitchen in nothing but an apron..although im sure some viewers wouldnt mind that... I mean first a stripping news reader.. whats next right. She is in fact always modestly covered.. in long sleves tops and floor length skirts....but nothing can hide her "motherly" curves i guess....

In the end its not soo much a cooking show.. its more like a lifestyle program where people like me become voyagers in a gastronomical wet dream....


a huge box of decadently sinful Godiva chocolates or a night of hot sex


...you decide...

I can singggg a rainbowwww ..sing a rainbow........too

:: a sight for sore eyes::
woke u up late again today !! 2nd time this week and its only wednesday... ;p
hahah.. took a cab dwn to work..
$10++ flew from this poor intern's pocket ;p


The only consolation~
i saw the most beautiful, magnificent, huge rainbow ever in my life...
In full technicolour.. a wide arch gracing the sky..
Visible all the way from Bishan to Beach Rd...
Amazing...
A Rianbow at its most complete...
I could see all 7 (okie maybe 6.... err 5..??) colours clearly...
Makes me wana break into a song..with birds flying around me~ A La Disney
And soon everybody along the street will start singing with me and I will dance with the taxi uncle until i reach my office..
*ewww.... scratch that thought.. too Bollywood liao*


Anywaz.. i felt wonderous in the presence of the beauty of nature.. its magnitude makes my day .. my life seem insignificant... just another day that will fade in history..
Soo I shouldnt be too stress abt work.. about coming late to work and about presenting to my boss later..


Haha F* it i say to myself...*tossing my notes aside*
I shall keep a grin on my face today as prance around the office pretending Im F*ing Snow White (or more politically correct err Mu Lan ??)
.................lalalalalala lalalalala......................

Some bird's nest soup for my soul

*burrrrpppp*
oniony breath now... and bursting outa my new hot pink mango pants..how unlady-like;p
hmm my appetite is pretty unlady-like too...
melvin jioed us to eat at Carl's Jr today.. reminising of his experience in US..
wow ..the portions are really US size.. burgers are like almost the size of my face!! ..overflowing with lovely fillings :)
i had a beef paty, with bacon, with cheese with veg with guacamole burger..
hmmmm a sin every bite.. i love guacamole.. always heard about it in movies and books..
it really has a nice rich, savory taste :)


i scoffed the whole burger with onion rings and coke.. oh mann i felt like the guy in Super Size Me.. robin almost gave up halfway thru his burger..hehe... i think i am such a pig.. normal girls wouldnt have finished the meal ..;p


soo here i am ..stuffed.. and feeling really guilty .. vowing to run like hell later as a punishment.. (i wish there was someone with a whip running behind me all the way..preferbly someone ugly soo i got motivation to run like hell...)
;p feeling quite bad too that i havent written on the blog for a while.. mel was jus asking abt it the other day..haha..


the past few days had its ups and dwns ..like a rollercoaster ride ;(
except not as fun ..


::last sat clubbing was quite fun.. finally met a guy on the dance floor that knows how to move his body ..in the hip hop sense...
~ no mindless jerking of various body parts like some other guys.. ;p
Hope i will see him again.. declined to give him my no.. he is not that.... cute ;p
But mel mel mel.. NO MORE DRINKING for u ahh.. ;p haha everytime you drink..you dnt stop.. heheh.... ;p


::robin is reallly demanding my attention..hiaz... he threw a hissy fit when he heard i was on the phone the other day with alvin ;p hiayah.. people's sister just died!! Cant i talk to him abit.. to see how he is ???..


~ "why? he dont have other ppl to call meh, why must call u ??" and "I thinkhe is trying to hit on u" ...
>>> urgh... i make the concious effort to see him for dinner more often liao..and he says its not enuf. Then i ask him what is enuf?? Then he say.. "like back when u were totally devoted to me" Blah!!! .. that isint helping me much
>>> worst thing is that this conversation repeats ever soo often with him accusing me of not making him feel important enough
>>> sobz ... this dejavu is worst then the Matrix...worst then Ground Hog's Day..worst then.. err forget it.. but im soo fustrated.. i was afraid that he will be like that when i just got together with him.. its only now when i get to test the boundaries that i see that he is really a jealous bf type..
;p


:: the boss has dropped more work on me ... more stress.. my life feels abit F* up right now ;p With my ever worsening cough... i think i have broncitis or TB or sumting.. plemgh in my lungs.. mayeb ill just die a slow painful death.. it feels like it now anywaz..


:: I went on a heavy duty "bu" session yest ..in my bid to inprove my health..
I bought some bird's nest and snow jelly from a chinese medical hall yest.. and had turtle soup for dinner. PLUS a liang Cha drink ..hehe...abit overboard ..but.. im desperate :(
>>> In a sense i feel better after that, like the body has more energy.. They call it improving the "qi". I think chinese medicine does work in a slow and gentle way :) .. but it does not have immediate effects like western medication
..thus my cough is still present..and sooner or later i think ill cough my lungs out.. follwed by my gall bladder and my stomach and my intestines....;p
wow i can almost imagine the sight.. pretty cool.. in a gross way ..i shall do it in the middle of the lunch crowd.. maybe will indcue others to retch their lunches out to acompany me ;p


:: and on to more perverse stuff..
I saw ladies queuing up outside mango today during lunch..haha bec today is THE MANGO SALE!!! haah.. crazy..
>>>melvin said he saw ppl queuing outside since 8.30 in the morning...wah lau.. also not like they are giving the clothes for free..anywaz... shoping during sale season is kinda disgusting and fustrating... soo crowded.. soo long queue.with .all the clothss shrewn all over the place.. blah! spare me
>>>Shopping is about the whole experience ..of taking the leisure to pick your clothes slowly..and trying them on without people pushing and shoving in front of the mirror..and friendly staff...and being able to find the right size that is BRAND NEW..
i dread the words... "sorry all our stocks are on the racks".. or "sorry this is our last piece"
And you end up looking sadly at the forlorn peice of cloth.. which many people had pulled out of shape and smudged makeup on ..with all the losse frayed treads swaying in the wind *taunting you..daring you to buy that last item*...
i can almost imagine tragic music playing in the background... brings tears to my eyes... sniff..


:: Oh I got my tahan trekking pics from melvin finally.. but i dnt think i will put any on the blog lah.. dnt think anyone will be interested to see mountains and dirty looking people and the half naked guys...
wait..!! half naked guys?? haha not hot ones lah.. soory to dissapoint ..
err more love handles than washboard abs.. hhee


~~quick come back DL
..with lots of delicious Krispy Kreme dougnuts ~~

Apple Wanabe- i pod Wanahave

*cough!!!*
Urgh !! my cough is driving me nuts. I am even coughing as i run. Which causes a huge msucle strain at the chest and a perpetual headache. The good thing is that people in front of me can hear me from very very far away and xiam one side to let me pass. But even sooooo... they must be thinking ive gone bananas.. running in teh middle of the night when i sound like i am going to have an asthma attack right in front of them. hiazzzz...


This cannot go on. So i have set a resolution to take better care of my wreked up body to cure this cough. ;p It usually comes when i have late nights, stressful days and a junk food diet. So i have vowed to sleep earlier, drink more tonics and abstain from :: chicken, egg, caffine, cold drinks, very heaty or cooling foods:: (as suggested by the TMC doctor).
So please help me>> anytime you see me eating/drinking sumting i shd not-- just wack me real hard.. ill wack you back (natural self defence, boh pian) ...but ...at least you have saved my health ..what are friends for huh.. ;p


Cant do much about the stress part- thanks to my lovelyyyy boss ;p
Its easy to know when my body is stress... other than this freaking cough, my neck and shoulders become rock solidd. Huge knots of muscle form ard the shoudler area. You will need an industrious massager to get rid of them, maybe one of those huge rolling machines for road works... or an army of big strong men...hmm that sounds preety good actually...


Anywaazzz.. had a good run nevertheless... but i really must get an ipod.. or a mini !!!!
Its getting really fustrating to run and listen to Class 95 love songs...
Its okay if they are playing angst-filled songs by Bon Jovi or nice Popish upbeat songs.
I can sing my heart out (okay mouth the words at least..) and run.
But how the hell am i suppose to run to " Tonight I celebrate my love for you.."
Groanz... it plays havok to my pacing and makes me feel stupid running ..
~thinking :: I shd be snuggled in bed, fresh from the bath with a hot drink at hand ::


I neeeeed to get a MP3 player full of fast-beat funky songs that will make me run faster ;p
It embaressing to slow dwn and then see an Uncle with a beer belly overtake you *yucks*
SIgh sigh sigh... if only i get paid 1000$$$ a month like some internnnnnsss ... * pui !*

ooddles of tea

*hmmm* i love hot tea... actually i love hot sweet drinks in general.
Its my weakness .. maybe i was an englishwomen in my past life. That would explain my fondness for tea, scones and dianty china (as in dining ware not the country).


Anywazz... still nursing a slight headachy buzz in the head, Jeffery says its the leftover of my hangover (hmm by george..it rhymes!!..) but i had indignantly claimed its from slack of sleep. Hmf, I belive that my body is capable enough to clear such an insubstantial amt of alcohol in 1 day, thank you very much ;p


BUt that insubstantial amt of alcohol did cause me one hell of a hangover the day before ;p
Which was the reason why i had selpt through most of sunday and thus making today not officialy count as monday - according to my internal body clock. Which is why i am not having the blues today. (im suffering from time-lag, my body does not comprehand that im suppose to do work now, that is why i am blogging- no use confusing my body lah ;p)


Last saturday at Devils was pretty interesting: the music was decent, the 3 of us- melva, yining and me scored a record no. of pick ups, there were cute guys giving us free booze and there was a floor show (fat lady with g-string showing and nerdy gal sans bra with nipples showing doing some really dirty dancing on the pole) i couldnt decide whether to puke or laugh.. decided to drink more beer before i decide.


By the 2 glass, it was getting pretty funny and i dared teddy (i think..im not so hot wif names) to get the gal dwn when he ask us to dance up there instead. In the end, the gal really came dwn and he tried to run away, the others placated her with a beer and dragged teddy back to her. A-fucking-mazing she actually thought teddy was interested in her. I am loving her ego man.. or maybe i shd ask her where she got her mirror...


Although the guys were nice and above average cute and hunky..beefy guys are just not my cup of tea... (hmm tea again..) Im not much of a carnivore..;p i like my meat lean and organic.. (yumz ..no artificial steriods please)
There was one of their friend that looked promising thou :: striped polo tee with sunglasses perched on the head.. yes yes poserish i guess... and very ben tay (eww..no i DO NOT like ben tay that way).. but i never got to know his name and he was rather dao anywaz.. chey.. *turns nose upwards*
Another worthy of mention:: There was also this unbeliveable guy that said he was shy and insisted to get my number from melva so he can msg mi "hi"--i think its a cheap ploy to get my no.-- ... whadayah think.. (but he was cute lah ..sighz wasted..)


Anywazz even thou i ended up puking again !! i dnt regret the dancing.. after the huge dinner i had on saturday night..maybe the puking helped me loose some weight too :p
Robin's friend treated us to dinner at Essential Brew in Holland V.

Note:: it is a nice place to chill with cusions and low tables and nice drinks and not-bad food. Stduents get 20% discount. Check it out when u need a place with nice ambience yah :) ::

Jack is his name..just recieved his first pay and since it was his bdae, he decided to treat all 6 of us to a meal.. how nice and generous.. he is single by the way..any gal interested?? Rich he is... hahaha His friend who owned the place baked him a big oreo cheese cake...it was really rich and oreao-ish. hehe... (i wish i could dunk the whole cake in milk.. hmm...but they dunked it in his face in the end ;p what good friends they are..)


That was why i felt like a stuffed pig and had enuf energy to club till 6 am when devils closed. A first for me. ;p it dint even felt like 6am ;p but i was felt so sick that i juz konked out at yinig's house ;p haha woke up to find myslfe sleeping beside her mum. HOW embaressing ;p
AND robin was angry i dnt message him my whereabouts. Woohooo.. he actually dreamt that i spent the night at some guys house and woke up screaming ..heheh accoring to him lah... i think he is getting overly paranoid..soon he will start spying on me ;p (goosebumps)


Anywazz.. yes my writing time-line is abit convolted -- i guess becasue i havent written for many days liao..i just write whatever comes into my mind...


Ohh saw Khar Hau on sunday night on my way back home from dinner. I was happily walking along J8 when someone shove a phamlet in front of my face, i thought : who is this F*ing rude salesperson. Then i saw him..chey.. he is one crazy fellow>> interning and part timing at corriander leaf rest. AND at starhub roadshows too!!
Is money soo important that you do not wana rest and have a bit of fun after work?? Where got life ??? Like that how can find gf ..hiayozzz ..( shakes head in moterly dissaprove) ..not healthy lah.. the bike is like his wife..


Hmmmm shal end here lahh too long winded already...need to get more tea... (cheerios)

*brommmmmm* goes the dark cloud-- i smell rain

*fuck*
The dark cloud is perpetually over me now. I wonder what isit like to be cheerful and lighthearted again ;p


Just like the Pearl Harbor, i was happily cruising through my last half hour of work when the "little boss" appears. Soo suddenly outa nowhere (just as i was telling my friend how boring my day was)and the bomb was dropped ;p *kahboom*


No matter how many allies coming to my aid, there is no way to bail me outa this f*king debrie filled water.. all the way up over my F*ing head. Soo here i am trying not soo much to swim but more to surface for oxygen ;p *glop glop*


Basically he told me what i did wrong, kept interrogating me on the basis of my decisions, * i was sitting there sweating, ready to tear my hair out, wanting to shout "im just a freaking intern.. a little help here !!!!"" * gooshhhh I pity his kid next time... with his KGB like interrogation skills, his kids will prob spill their guts out volunterily every time they did something wrong ("its me, i did it, no more, i can take it no more......."). Even i was ready to go mental... maybe im just freaking inept at what im doing...damn... i feel soo uselesss


Groanz .. remind me again what am doing trying to market a cleaning brand .. i dnt even clean my own room .. least to say my own house... urgh... anywaz..so i have this huge load on my back and i need to think of sumting soo totally creative, soo totaly brilliant but yet soo realistic and practicle... in a few days time. Shit shit shit shit shit .... ohh heavens above give me some inspiration ..either that or strike me dwn with a bolt of lighting .... ;p blah


Robin is not helping.. for sum reason he has suddenly turned into the over protective bf mode.. soo clingy, says wana fetch me home fr clubbing, wana meet ALL my new male friends, wana spend more time with me... whining about how i dnt love him anymore... god!!! i feel soo smothered ... cant breath ... *huffhuffhuff*


i am the type of person that goes more outa control the more u try to control me. Soo
THE lesson is ::dnt try too hard...too soon .. or ill shut u out of my life...::


Makes me feel like i have a 3rd parent to pacify. Hmm i dnt even bother about my parents... and now i have another one to nagg at mi... and when he is not being a parent.. he is being a child... pouting and crying for attention... urgh.. men..puke puke *maybe i shd be a lesbian*


Hmm hope i can find sumting to make me happy again....


Blink goes the Phone (stirring in its hibernation, aware of its surroundings but not reacting... it just wants to sleep ....silently...yet another quiet day)

Phone shows signz of live * ahh there is still hope*

Okies its late and I have eye bags the size of my backpack to Europe but i shall write 1 last entry before I go to bed ...


CY's logic :: Sleep are for beauties.. thus I do not need it ::


>>Anywazz I would just like to state that my previous post was abit melodramatic lahhh.... puffy eyes and a bloated tummy makes me melanchonic :( *had to squint the whole bloody day ;p how not to feel tragic??*


>>I had poured all my negative thoughts out and am feeling lighter in the heart liao..
Having channeled all my negative karma into the previous post...soo all of u read at your own risk...;p


>> ALvin called from Taiwan :) .. good to know that he is safe and sound and the exercise was not that bad after all..
"fun lah, like an adventure" so he said
-- the same person was dreading to board the plane a week ago.. amazing ..but good to know that my tai yang bings will be returning on shedule ;p cant wait.. hurry back !!! yumz~~
-- forgotten how his voice have this very hoarse timber that is soo soothing and sexy.. coo ... he shd work part time for those chat lines-- provide phone sex to bored office women and earn big bucks... *hmm*
-- sadly the sexyness is limited to the voice. period.


ANd now my phone has lapsed back into coma.. its twikling blue light is the only sighz of a pulse.. blinking on into lonely night... *bleep*

the little boy's sister.. soo cute.. she went around kissing us non-stop .. and shared her desert with us-- fullerton has a seperate kiddie's meal for the wedding dinner : wowz

making the most of mummy's ang pao $$.. drinking enuf wine for the 4 of us
but of course must smell the wine first right..i got take wine apreciation course one okie ..;p

robin looking very bored ;p Zzzzzzz

Gift- a packet of rose tea. The card wrote :: put it in water and watch the roses bloom:: ohhhhh how sweet ;p BUT where is my chocolates !!! every wedding has chocolates ;p *pout* *stomps feet*

hehe the couple entranced with a song .. how impressive.. my my .. i feel the pressure liao.. ;p

Preetty arrangements at the recep area:: how romantic :: setting the mood even before dinner began

we invaded the bridal suite to help the bride dress.. but more like enjoying the nice room and take lots of pics ;p

recep area at the fullerton.. my little cousin tinkling on the ivories.. how cute.. he looks pro alreay

Coco Puff Eyes..

Puff* ..came to the office with swollen eyes today... and why ??
Because I cried yest night ;p
And why ...
Because the wedding was soo romantic... he serenaded her with "love me" and they sang 2 duets by the way)


U think!!!
Of course not lah... I where got soo sissy one..chey
Its because I had a long talk with robin yest night
He accused me of being lousy company at the wedding dinner-- said i was running around and leaving him by himslef. I was like, how, you soo boring why should I stay with you. When i can play with my baby cousins ( whom i dont often get a chance to bond with).
Then what you expect me to do, stay with you and be bored to death the whole dinner? Haizz so okie, i have been thoughtless, for not thinking about how out of place you will feel and staying with you to make you feel better. BUt stillll... you come to the wedding with a black face liao, you expect me to be happy to see you ?? Good fucking job ..


Haizz... then we started talking and he was saying im not making him feel secure and how my emials have dwindled BUT he UNDERSTANDS because he felt very sian when he is working too and he NOW knows how I felt when he had no interest in what i was saying, when he is sian because of work, when he black face and I had to bare with it.. he UNDERSTANDS it all because he is going through what I went through and he is try to be a better man...
yah i wish him all the best .. Soo was that suppose to make me feel guilty or better?>>>


I just cried.. huge grieving sobs.....too much pent up emotions in me for too long ... I left my ex because I tot robin would make me happier, instead i ended up with more heartache.. no boy/man have ever cried so many times in my life before. I have often wanted to walk away many times.. as recent as during my Europe trip.. every time i go>> what am i doing with this man .. but i never left >>> i dunoe why . Isit because i love him too much, or am I a coward, or am I just waiting for sumone better to show up..>>


How on earth did i end up with someone sooo gloomy, pessimistic, mean, antisocial, disilluded, childish, bad tempered, emotional?? When I like being around people and am eternally optimistic. My life has become darker since I knew him... :(
People say: "he is so funny, he is soo nice" and yah I told him--" i like you best when you are around your best friends, because that is when you are at your cheeriest, wittiest and most relax". He said, friends- you only show the good side, but lovers- you get to see both sides.


Ahh soo, isit fair that you show your worst to the people you love, shouldnt you want to be the best for them and not leave the VIP treatment to your friends. I have suffered through so many black faces, sulky treatment and snide remarks (he can make a person feel soo stupid and small sometimes) that i am very tired..sometimes i dnt even feel like trying anymore..


He said he doesnt want to lose me and that he will change... I hope that it is not too late..because my heart feels like its hardening already.. not totally frozen yet ..but to be able to warm it up again will require some effort from both sides..


He truly makes me happy when he was the old robin that surprises me at my work place, that made laugh everytime we meet, that would fetch me no matter where i was, that brings me out for supper late at night, that was exciting to be with....


They say guys change when they get the girl>> how true. Like that then what is the use of courtship when you are not sure what type of person he will become after you all get together.


I shall not write anymore or ill start crying agian in the office-- then it will be fucking emberassing--and people will noe im not doing work.;p


He said he will change-- that is what he keeps saying>>
i pray for faith in love and strength to sustain this relationship
since i am a free thinker... err i pray to any higher being who will listen


Anywazz..this is meant to stay in this blog, please do not try to talk to him about it..it wil only make matter worse .....thanks my sistas.. muacks..

Amazing ...soo many Kois at the Fullerton hotel, and they all come with mouth gaping open when i put my finger into the water.. hmpf i think the hotel doesnt feed them :( i wish i hadsome bread crumps with me ;p 

finally got to take a pic with the very busy bridesmaid... she gets to hold the bride's train.. lucky gal ;p  

back at the jing cha ceremony .. her husband (his chineses/german/ dunoe what else).. looks like a pastor right ..haha.. his mum made him comb his hair up to look taller.. soo duh.. 

my cute little cousins... angelic flower girls .:)  

view of my dress fr the back :)  

My mummy and daddy ..hahah... do i look like them >> ;p 

Pretty Prettty bride of the day :) gg back to her hotel room laio ;p at Fullerton 

Hair done and all changed and reayd to go :) me and my real sista !!! hhaah does she look older than me ;p 

Waiting for my hair to be styled !!! :) have to wear a buttoned down shirt to protect my hair from being "disturbed" while changing ;p 

*phone checkup* --no vital signs-- call the doctor, its an emergency!!

My poor phone has been soo quiet.. i wonder if its dead :(
Its only signz of life was a jiggle or 2 from ryan, jeremy..and my pug...
AND a teeny weeny spasm from my sistas..
sobz*....
Oh wait..
Ben (Sng.. too many Bens ard . its confusing) juz called..
ahhh my phone is breathing again!!


My dear "sista" juz returned from Aust.. after a long business trip ...
Might meet up with him later after my date with Mel..<monster -in-law>
Hope to catch up with his "hia dis" too - Geroge and Alvin <another Alvin..wheew why does everybody have the same name???> and 'whats his name'.
... havent seen them since .. a year ago ??


we never were really fated to be together ;p
Knew him since secondary school, he was a tubby little boy then.. was my classmate for like a week in sec 1 ?? Before he transffered to Cat High...we found each other again thru my best friend in Sec 2 ...<life is full of coincidences>...


Life has changed us both, it is very saddening when our lives no longer run along the same path.. we are travelling along diff routes, maybe there will be a roundabout where we will meet again someday


He had confessed to liking me years ago and it took him 6 long years to tell me and i <for all my woman's intuition, have known that since the day we met> am always very sad that those feelings can never be reciprocated.. To me he will always be just my good friend <bec he is no Tom Cruise ;p ..i noe..how superficial of me> Although.. i have been tempted once or twice to get into a relationship for want of company, i knew it would only end badly for us both ... <never make that mistake>
But a very good friend he will always be ...we have been thru alot tog ... failed relationships, exams and all... Although we will never be as close as last time, he will always have a place in my heart.


guys and gals can stay as just good friends, if they care enough for each other. There are alot of naysayers out there who think that 2 people of the opposite sex can never have a platonic relationship.. well.. try me for size...


But i suspect its bec i have alot of "maleness" in me... Ken said i am androgynous
haha (thanks alot ken ;p)... its a good way of saying im not very much like a woman/girl/whatever.....

*jumbo headache*

*Cough Cough*
My dreaded cough is back in full blown ... coughing to a headache now :(
hmm.. stressful day today..waited since the morning to present..came super duper early ..before evryone else, just to practice..
in the end ..when we broke for lunch at 12 and im still not up yet ;p


It was an eyeopener, its amazing when you see the management discussing real world situations, and real conflicts come to play and see that all is not rosy for businesses any where. I am intrigued that what we have learnt in marketing is put into play, however in the end, financial figures are also very much part of marketing (yucks i hate numbers) and althou the 2 will conflict..
Boh pian ..die die must find a solution..abelt a very unsatisfying one... after much haggling, and black faces and coffee and pulling hair... hmm i wish they would let me sit in more often. haaa ..at least better then letting me sit here and type blogs in my comp ;p


The presentation went okayyy, got a thumbs up for my big manager and the others say i did well... :) wish there were PPTs i would flash and do fancy stunts... but i guess, in the real world, ur content is more important than the flash, and they are all too stoned after 4 hrs of meeting to bother abt anything.


BUt as i said to simin..one small battle over.. more battles to fight...*bring it on!!*


In the end must thank the evil small manager, he made me go throughh the presentation a few times, gave me pointers and made sure that i spoke with confidence... i think i will learn alot from him.. if only he is not soo niao niao abt my work sometimes ;p


Back to screensaver mood now.. ready to go off from work liao... * *

Doer I am -- hmmm

What's Your Love Type?
Your #1 Love Type: ESTP
The Doer
In love, you are charming, and known for sweeping people off their feet.
For you, sex is fun and a great way to be in the moment with someone.
Overall, you are witty, generous, and flirty.
However, you tend to ignore conflict and get bored with people easily.
Best matches: ISFJ or ISTJ
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmm pretty true..
For the "blue" part that is...
I hate conflict and get bored easily ...
so what does that make me....
a coward probably hahah.....

*red bean ice cream*

Ate a red bean ice cream while on the way home.. *lick lcik*
freaking humid weather !! one of those days when u just feel like taking off your clothes and jumping into the pool...


Red bean ice cream brings back many happy memories ...
one of those traditional treats that is simple yet soo good.... many childhood memories flashing in my brain... mising my grandma suddenly ....*sighz*


::A sucky day today it was ::
nobody to meet for lunch-- joel had to go to town, my collegues were having this huge gathering and I wasnt feeling very socialble... and Jeffery .. messaged him at 12.. return my msg when he was already out with his collegues like an hour later... grrr...not gg to ask him out anymore *pout*... guys, soo thoughtless
Thankfully I dint wait for his reply ...was buying some comfort food and a magazine, all ready to go back to the office to chill liao ...


::Fruits and a Grande HOT COCOA ::
ahhhh .... i love sweet hot drinks.... never fails to cheer me up.. not much of a lunch.. but enuf to keep me happy until dinner .. ;p


::Dinner::
Ryan asked me out, but too rush to meet him ... wanted to meet Simin too--she was bitten by the shopping bug!! *quick medic* ..hahah soo shiok.. can go off early to shop ahh *winks*.. *envy*


::lonely blinking blue light from my phone::
My phone was unusually quite the whole day .. *sobz* .. "just one little jiggle for me??"
Hiazz will remain like that for another 3 weeks :( ..missing my *daily updates* liao...*blah*


Storm cloud approaching::
Lousy lousy lousy... bloated fr PMS... feeling very unpretty ... and neglected... gloomy gloomy..
*blue clouds turning grey* ... *grumbles with thunder*... a loud peal of PMS warning to all..

Tried to do a face shot, realised my eyes look freaking weird in photos... hmm i think they are too far apart and not aligned ... gross i look like a alien  

Word From The Wise :: brought to you by COW

A quote floated over from the other side of the office::


" In this world, there are no ugly girls, only lazy ones"


sounds funnier in chinese --hmmm food for thought-- *chomp chomp*

``Love Affair With Alex```

:: Part 2 ::
Wooo okie wrote this later then expected. Just came back from lunch with Joel :) Brought him to Alex's Eating House... for some sweet juicy chunky cha siew ... hahha yumzzz... we were damn fast lah... joel eats at such a speed that before I could even say "how is your cha siew rice??" he finish eating liao...hehehhe.. i worked steadyly on my shui jiao cha siew mien.. and I considered myself a fast eater liao...guys: they use shovels instead of spoons ;p


We were soo full!! Decided to walk to suntec, bought some fruits there.. now im bursting outa my Mango skirt, feeling increasingly drowsy being back at the comp ;p Hehe I remembered simin's nick today - "tummified and buttified" haa.. yess the bane of the desk-bound. A growing tummy and a spreading butt... yucks... i told her i wished there were chiars with a nice rounded butt mould, such that our butts will mould into a nice shape as we sit at our desks. *dreaming*..


Anywazz.. since we are at that topic---
Tip of the day :: sit with your back straight to keep your stomach muscles tight and clench your butt at intervals to keep the blood flowing and prevent cellulite from forming::
~ it really works, i did that last summer, but too lazy to do it now.. bec now i have a huge comfy chair that i just sink into ;p ~ hello...fat butt :(


After reading Melva's comment and having simin's and celeste's replies... haha I have decided to dwell more on the topic of ZY&CY ( if pearly and rong quan can do that..soo can we..heheh..can you guess? *winks*)

Well, Zhiyuan known to all as robin.. (no more batman jokes ahh.. *stern look*) is a sweetie pie. And for everybody's concern... im not gg to run off with anybody as yet... ;p
For now, there is no one else that is as smart or as good looking in the horizon that loves me soo much. *he is the only one that is blind enuf :p*
A pretty gd investment, because i can forsee us having good looking babies in the future.. hiayozz..i think ill kill myself if i have ugly children ;p (shallow as that might sound)... BUT sadly, i think we will have damn short kids, with thunder thighs :( hope for their sake that they will be good at gymnastics then....


Okie i digressed.. hmm..actually earlier this year, he told me that I shd be more independent, that i shd go out with my friends more often, and not stick to him so much. So I warned him.. that if i do, i will not be able to love him in as much totality, because for me, abscence DOES NOT make the heart grow fonder. ;p Well after some soul searching while treking in Tahan *the mountain air is something wonderful* and a push from "someone" in the right direction... I decided to find back my old life again.
Those who knew me back in JC would say I have mellowed alot since I got attached in Uni. -- so where is the old CY?? Well people change, but i hope the spunk still remains.


ANywaz... yah kinda enjoying my life now.. robin might feel abit left out.. BUT when i complained that our dinner meetings only last for an hr every night.. he said: XX and XX meets every saturday only what... ;p
Like huh.. okie lor.. like that, im fine just meeting you once a week too....


Celeste brought up the fact that he might sense a dejavu, bec when he was chasing me, he asked mi out to movies, dinner and all.. and he sense a pattern coming. Actually, I have thought for a very long time before I got together with him. Because technically there was a grey peroid where i 2-timed my ex to be with robin. I was afraid that this relationship would start with distrust because how can you trust a gf that 2 timed her ex to be with u ?? I dint want things to get ugly next time.. and accusations start to fly.. ;p


*In deep thought now*
Final words::
I have always been the type that guys see as a platonic friend.. a listening ear and some company...never as a potential gf... i guess i do not have the X factor.
Perhapes that is why I still have much faith in guys, bec many have remained as just good friends.... Other then 1 or 2 stray black sheeps that polute the herd... *Dan u bastard..i never loved u...*


*muacks to all my sistas out there*

Panda Eyes * How to get that right shade of purplish grey*

Had problems loading my blog yest ;p lousy connection .. so here it goes again..in a special 2 part series.. sponsored to u by COW..*winkz*


Part 1 ::11pm, 30.05.05::
3 nights with only 11 hrs of sleep in total ..
Groanz* Finally the report is approved and sent to the rest of the staff. Now 3 more to go ( I can hardly wait :p) ..The nightmare has just begun... Will have to present it to the rest of the company on friday, for once I dnt look forward to the end of the week ;p

Had to dragged myself up early in the morning to office to finish the report, blah.. reminds me of my sec sch days where I went to sch damn early (not without my morning shot of Pokha Kopi) to copy homework. I deserves an A+ for such deligence haha.. some poeple dnt even bother to hand up the work ;p


Hmm if I continue like this.. I will soon master the art of living without sleep. All hail the High Priestess of the Night.. we worship coffee and chocolates, and practice the dark magic of the all powerful concealer and Goth makeup.
if only the mornings werent so terrible..hahh.. kept falling asleep in front of the comp and jerking awake even though i was rushing my report. Who ever knew those little rectangles in the excel sheet can be soo hyphotizing.... *crossed eyes*....*numbers all blur into 1...*sways head from side to side*


Was feeling soo crappy that i comtemplated eating alone during lunch and maybe catch some ZZzzz when everybody was out... but joel asked me to go Raffles with him ....and my need for sunshine won... Vit D is soo underated .. it really does make u feel better ;)
Had cheap fd with the abn ppl, why cant suntec have cheaper food sighzzz.. sadly simin wasnt there..(she had her own little adventure with a French guy.. soo exciting)
My body still aching from Muay Thai... how on earth did i manage to strain my inner thigh...duh


*Okies*..the Zzzzzz are beckoning me .. shall leave it here for now.. will call Alvin to cheer him up first .. he is gloomy gloomy....flying off tonight ..*waves goodbye and take care* ....

Part 2 :: stay tune at 11am 31.05.05 ::

Taiwan Tai Yang Bing

~~Alvin's gg to Taiwan tml.. 3 weeks is a lonnnng time :( ... i will miss my daily dose of sms with him...~~

--his daily reporting brings grateful distraction from mundane office work--

--hope for a safe return and a box of tai yang bing ;)--

Hungry and Hungover

~Ohhhh... My head ~


-4 hr of sleep again... went to Muay Thai feeling really groggy ;p I think the instructor must think im damn blur.. fact is im always seh when I go for his classes..hahah... lost all sense of left and right... they box from left.. i block with my right.. ;p Nobody dared to kick or box me hard.. its really awkward when you are the only girl in the class...


-Back to yest... had a great Saturday !! Supposed to go to the shoebox sale early in the morning.. it was sooo crowded .. i couldn't even see the shoes :( i hate shopping during sales.. Apparently everybody got the same email.. the power of the web and kiasu women. Luckily there was another sale beside it and bought 3 abercombie tops !!... all in varying shades of pink.... how bimbotic ;p *im a Paris Hilton wanabe*


-Met Celeste and her friend and gnet.. finally !!! went to Kenny Rogers *dejavu..Wasn't i here before.. err like yesterday..* for lunch after walking ard for a long time before deciding where to eat.. really i must say.. a bunch of girls cannot come to a quick decision on where to eat even if their lives depend on it.. ;p *i am guilty as charge*
-Went to Shi Mah Lu temple after that because Cel had a spooky experience in the morning.. hehe i tot its quite cute.. 3 modern gals doing such a traditional aunty thing .. but i was barred fr gg into the temple bec of my barely there shorts ;p how embaressing ...


-Headed for Chinatown .. had a chee koh pek leering at us while waiting for the bus.. i gave him my fiercest stare.. but dnt deter him much.. decided it was a waste of my effort and ignored him instead .. *MEN..rolls eyes..disgusted look*
-Had the most heavenly sesame paste ...swoon.. i love chinese deserts!!... and went shopping ard for cheap bargains and ogle at delicious looking tradition chinese pastries....omg.. lucky i dint have $$ with me or ill buy up the whole shop..
-last min Jeff ask mi to watch a movie.. free tics he said ..soo i said okie.. Madagasca turned out to be a really funny movie :P hehe.. i love the kung fu slocking psychotic penguins ...


- really sad that simin cldnt go to cb :( and the music turned out to be really sucky.. r&b was played only after 2 .. sighz... by then melva was abit seh.. not really gian to dance liao ... decided to drink more since i have a ride back... rarely is there guys available to buy drinks... ;p
- thats the story of how i came about being hungover, constantly hungry and doing bloody starjumps in the middle of the afternoon ;p
~ with robin angry that i dint msg him when i was at cb and when i came home ~
hiaazzz... i dnt even report constantly to my parents why shd i report to him ..blahhhh....
AND yesterday he was angry with me not telling him immediately when jeff ask mi out for a movie... urgh... he is paranoid.. i am sure i was like the last option to ask out...
i am not chio or hot at all.. why does he think the worse of all guys... i honestly have alot of faith in the integrity of guys in general... is that wrong .... :( ~

Xiao Long Baos !!! seriously addicted >>

haizz fustrating day today
started downhill when instead of presenting to my big boss.. all he did was tell me what to change and why... i dint even get a chance to speak...or stare accusingly at my "direct boss"
Then wif a deadline looming a few hrs away.. i went to lunch wif jeff anywaz...

But it was nice of him to treat him to Kenny Rogers.. ;) Sometimes he seems like a gentlemen.. carrying things for you and all...
but today . he is more quite and sullen then usual.. wonder whats wrong... either that or we have exhusted all topics of converstation liao
..maybe im just boring... ... ;p

Things got seriously downhill after 3.. just as i was abt to hand up my final report.. the idiot of a boss ..started questioning my formulas for my financial analysis.. and soon it all cascaded to a overhull of the whole financial analysis .. grrr
he kept going like " why is this no. this..??? it is not possible ..."
i was at a lost beacuse it was all done sooo long ago..and he agreed to it alll!!!!

Arugh... had to keep myslef from strangling him and shouting " u said it was okie!! you gave me the bloody data sheet!!! why the fuck dint you check when i sent you the soft copy" ...
at one point i was soo overwhealmed with fustrations... he jus kept gg on abt calcualtions i could barely keep up... i felt myslef tearing .. ;p goss lucky i dnt cry... it would seem soo sissy...soo weak .. maybe its just PMS rearing its ugly head...

Feeling fucked up by 6pm.. decided to leave and bring all the work home to worry or burn later ..
Drowned my sorrows in Xiao Long Baos ;p... ohhhh they are soo good.. soo homely .. feel soo loved just eating them ....

Continued shopping with my lovely sugar sistas and ahhh!!! in a moment of weakness bought a jacket i just couldnt live without ;p there are alot of clothes i cant live without ;p sighz.. i want a sugar daddy and be a young tai tai :(
haiz.. i must must must cut dwn on my spending.. or i will never go HK ... :(
sobz...

CB tml !!! cant wait.. .. hope no more devil weirdos.. ;p

bored cow ..moooo....

Yet another boring day. I wonder if working life is really so mundane. I cant imagine myself doing 8.30-6/7/8/???, gg out for lunch with my collegues, slping when i get home...
HOw no-life ... ;p

Lunch was a simple affair wif joel... whose work seem more sai kangish--but more things to occupy him ;p... i wish i was doing sai kang sumtimes... some ppl (like robin) would say that its stupid, but actually i like to do work, i like to keep busy, i dnt mind if i dnt gain anything fr it...
Haa.. i guess ppl like me will never be successful.. perhaps...

Hmf..That Jeff ahh ...always fly areoplane.. say wana meet me for meal..then when i msg him ..say he cant make it bec his collegue is treating.. never even telling me before hand... ;p
Then if i gong gong wait for him.. then ill have no one to eat wif me liao.....

Sighzz..no work and no play make jas a very grumpy girl... ;p
cant wait for sat..china black!! ....r&b .. yeah.....now everytime i hear music i feel like dancing...
haaa.. its quite addicive..and expensive.. ;p if only theres a rich sugar daady ripe for the plucking out there ....

nights out are keeping me sane

yawnz* slept for 4 hours. My eye bags are getting deeper, soon they will be larger than my eyes. But I cant seem to stop myself fr gg clubbing. Its like a moth to a flame, the mysterious warm glow of a loud music, strong drinks and a promise of a good workout *on the dance floor that is* is too much for mi to keep away.
Work is just so mundane, so utterly boring and confiding, so full of females *with no cute guys in sights*;p I need to be in the presence of high levels of testosterone to balance my karma.
Sighz~ a report to do by today with no inspiration.... i need the drive to produce solid work .. somehow the hunger to do well in sch does not trascend into my reports for work. *help!!!*