Coco Puff Eyes..

Puff* ..came to the office with swollen eyes today... and why ??
Because I cried yest night ;p
And why ...
Because the wedding was soo romantic... he serenaded her with "love me" and they sang 2 duets by the way)


U think!!!
Of course not lah... I where got soo sissy one..chey
Its because I had a long talk with robin yest night
He accused me of being lousy company at the wedding dinner-- said i was running around and leaving him by himslef. I was like, how, you soo boring why should I stay with you. When i can play with my baby cousins ( whom i dont often get a chance to bond with).
Then what you expect me to do, stay with you and be bored to death the whole dinner? Haizz so okie, i have been thoughtless, for not thinking about how out of place you will feel and staying with you to make you feel better. BUt stillll... you come to the wedding with a black face liao, you expect me to be happy to see you ?? Good fucking job ..


Haizz... then we started talking and he was saying im not making him feel secure and how my emials have dwindled BUT he UNDERSTANDS because he felt very sian when he is working too and he NOW knows how I felt when he had no interest in what i was saying, when he is sian because of work, when he black face and I had to bare with it.. he UNDERSTANDS it all because he is going through what I went through and he is try to be a better man...
yah i wish him all the best .. Soo was that suppose to make me feel guilty or better?>>>


I just cried.. huge grieving sobs.....too much pent up emotions in me for too long ... I left my ex because I tot robin would make me happier, instead i ended up with more heartache.. no boy/man have ever cried so many times in my life before. I have often wanted to walk away many times.. as recent as during my Europe trip.. every time i go>> what am i doing with this man .. but i never left >>> i dunoe why . Isit because i love him too much, or am I a coward, or am I just waiting for sumone better to show up..>>


How on earth did i end up with someone sooo gloomy, pessimistic, mean, antisocial, disilluded, childish, bad tempered, emotional?? When I like being around people and am eternally optimistic. My life has become darker since I knew him... :(
People say: "he is so funny, he is soo nice" and yah I told him--" i like you best when you are around your best friends, because that is when you are at your cheeriest, wittiest and most relax". He said, friends- you only show the good side, but lovers- you get to see both sides.


Ahh soo, isit fair that you show your worst to the people you love, shouldnt you want to be the best for them and not leave the VIP treatment to your friends. I have suffered through so many black faces, sulky treatment and snide remarks (he can make a person feel soo stupid and small sometimes) that i am very tired..sometimes i dnt even feel like trying anymore..


He said he doesnt want to lose me and that he will change... I hope that it is not too late..because my heart feels like its hardening already.. not totally frozen yet ..but to be able to warm it up again will require some effort from both sides..


He truly makes me happy when he was the old robin that surprises me at my work place, that made laugh everytime we meet, that would fetch me no matter where i was, that brings me out for supper late at night, that was exciting to be with....


They say guys change when they get the girl>> how true. Like that then what is the use of courtship when you are not sure what type of person he will become after you all get together.


I shall not write anymore or ill start crying agian in the office-- then it will be fucking emberassing--and people will noe im not doing work.;p


He said he will change-- that is what he keeps saying>>
i pray for faith in love and strength to sustain this relationship
since i am a free thinker... err i pray to any higher being who will listen


Anywazz..this is meant to stay in this blog, please do not try to talk to him about it..it wil only make matter worse .....thanks my sistas.. muacks..