waiting for the rain to stop

An insane harmony of pitter patter woke me up
A crash and a bang and the white noise of rain falling down like a sheet

Ahh… perfect weather for a lazy Sunday
Just to kind to cuddle and snuggle in bed

Well, only if the plan is to snuggle by your self

I have no idea how in the first place it would seem so romantic
For a couple to spend a Sunday holed up in bed, rained in

Chances are ...

One, you can’t really fall back asleep with the incessant tapping of raindrops in no particular rhythm on your window still

And your man on the other hand is still out like a log, like how bears go to hibernate or boa constrictors after swallowing whole hogs

It is too gloomy to cast enough light to read a book

You don’t have enough willpower to get up and make some coffee to start your day, and because it seems too darn wrong to be up in the first place.

So what’s left to do but to stare blankly up at the ceiling, trying to decide if you should actually try go back to sleep or surf on your mobile

What did I do?

Thankfully the rain stopped as I was running out of things to like on Facebook.
Ahhh sweet Morpheus, back to dreamland I went

Leaving romantic notions to Ryan Gosling’s fans…

when words fail

how does one describe one's reality crumpling apart

that everywhere you look, the facade of things as you know it

is almost but a mirage



how does one describe feeling indefinitely alone

knowing that you are just but a touch, a call, a text apart

but unable to connect with anyone, to speak your heart



how does one's knowledge of oneself gets put into question

that somehow you are sure of who you are

but now can never ever be sure of what you really are



nothing is ever sure now

nothing will ever be sure again

is what I want to be absolutely sure of something ?

what if I am absolutely sure that I will never be happy?

does certainty absolve hope and believe



but the reason I hold on

it's cause I need this hole gone

as long as I dont face the light

no one will ever know that Im hurting

Danny Boy, and the Big Three Zero

When does a person becomes more than an acquaintance and more like a friend.


And yet how do you define a friend
What if you feel a sense of connection
But at the same time, you barely know him at all


who is someone whom you see at work almost every day
had a drink or two together, more than once or twice
shared a joke, a common enemy, and many late hours


Fate is a fickle mistress
No man nor beast can tame her


people would say, you were gone before your time
people would say, life has been terribly unfair to you


No matter what
I was glad to have known you


And I will ensure your memory lives on
Just by writing you down into this history of me


Danny Boy


On my birthday today
While I celebrate everything that has given me life thus far
I give a toast to you too


In this cusp of my big three O
One cannot help but be more aware of mortality
And again, cant help but be more dazzled by its wonder and glow


I fear death a lot more than when I was 13
But now, I enjoy life a lot more too
and love even more fiercely than before


Here is to life , to friends..
And to love



~ I started writing this out of grieve. But never finished it.
I think now is as good a time as any to finish my letter to Danny and to myself.

Life and death does seem to interview, to force us to reflect and to rejoice.






Sincerely
Yours

Are you there Blog. It's me ...

Hello old friend.

It's been a while.



I din't stop writing because I got bored.

Nor was it because I got busy.

I stopped writing because I was afraid.



I was afraid that being happy made me boring.

I was afraid that I wasn't growing as a writer.



There was a point in time when I reviewed my posts.

And I knew that I had to develop a style,

I had to grow in maturity, in craft.

All these were not happening.



And thus, here still I stand.

No more a better writer than I was 4 years ago.

No more a story-teller, nor wordsmith.



But I do feel that I have grown much as a person.

And I do hope I will find the time to share it with you.






Sincerely

Yours

Almost there but getting nowhere

A sense of haunting overcame me

There is thunder in our hearts

jester frolic monocle

Again we met mid sentence
synchronised synapse of brain matter
circuits wired alike


Rejoinders perfectly matched
the jokes always finished together.


ba dah bing ba dah bom


In those seconds, i knew you are the better half
cause you always typed it out first





who's the joke on now


colombo

be careful

Its 12 midnight

sappy ballad playing in the background..

the air is heavy and hot

i'm rubbing my bare feet on the carpet

creating static



The mood is just right.



where can I be?


... but in the office of course



Some nights are made for these
quite cogitation
and reflection of the useless


good night

A bug in the brain

Images of Brad Pitt kept flashing into my head..
Half naked, gleaming with sweat,
ribbed in all the right places...



And that rather annoyed me..



An irksome problem
when you watch a movie before reading the book..

Even with my best effort at Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club
My brain just keeps getting pulled back to the movie..


Imagination stumbles with great difficulty
to draw the characters up fresh

Logically,
a movie is just an interpretation of the book


Like a piece of art.

A painting of a flower is what a flower looks like
through the painter's eyes...

And we use it to greater appreciate its beauty
But it will never hinder how we see a flower


Perhaps the characters created by the director were so vivid,
they become larger than life
they reach out from beyond reels
to take host in your brain


There is only one Tyler Durden
It is Brad Pitt wearing a grimy bath robe with goofy plaid pants
and fluffy slippers


Somehow the characters in the book seem more flawed
Somehow they don't deliver the messages with the same panache
Their punch lines.. miscued.

Somehow I know it is all cerebral.


The only joy I take by knowing the ending
before reaching THE END

Is that I get to spot the clues, the sleight of hands,
that the writer had so blatantly placed all throughout...
hinting at the real truth..


Would I have spotted it ..
if I was reading it for the first time?

That is something I will never know..



And Brad Pitt half naked
should never be annoying
in any universe ...

There was always a nagging feeling that
I never quite fit in. The side glance
not caught. The quip never quoted.
The anecdote never re-told.

If I were a sesame street song .. I'll be..
One of these things that is not like the others
One of these things just doesn't belong

Always the side line, the beeches, the fringe.
Sarcasm developed as a shield,then a weapon,
then a tool.

I grew to love words - beautiful proses, wicked lines,
effusive superfluous phrases, non sequiturs, things left unsaid
- but you know were ...with well-placed blanks

If a picture could say a thousand words
I'll still rather be a writer and
say much more..

Give up your ghosts tonight

Driven by the macabre of the season
And of stormy days in my tea cup of life

---------------------------------------------

Give up your ghosts
And all that haunts you

At the oddest times of day

Bent down to pick a fallen pencil
Pushing through a crowded bus
Mid-kiss at the door step

Saying goodbye

A momentary sense of loss
A pang of regret
A tear not shed
A sigh that never materialized

The invisible hands that hold your heart
Tight

The shadows in the closet
Those that you are afraid

Will come out at night

Ever look into a mirror
And fear to see yourself reflected
Because then

There is no where else to hide

Give up your ghosts
And all that haunts you

Bury them tonight.

---------------------------------------

Hmmm .. I like...

A MAN WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS A WHOLE CADBURY

LOL

if only I knew that earlier...

wouldn't have waste all that money on whole tubs of Ben & Jerry's cookie dough..










Its brilliant
Exactly captures the feeling

of almost reaching that moment of mythical fulfillment..
.. Only the find disappointment as the punchline.

A convert

Fight Club was playing as I walked through the door..

and a real gem floated to my ears..


"When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you,
instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.."

intrigued, I slowed to watch..

"Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends."

brilliant..
and then I'm hooked..

while I KNOW I am very slow to have picked this up..
I am definitely going to get the book tomorrow.


Hungry for words..


with meaning

O you poor sod

It is a sad sad day in humanity
When the greatest satisfaction one takes
is to savour the moment of intentionally ingoring invites on facebook


And on even worst days..
You feel that you just arent getting it.





I know that feeling
All too well



bing bong bang

On the couch

The things we do on a Thursday night >>>

leaving the office feeling somewhat lost
with my gym bag swinging dejectedly beside me
knowing its not going to be of much use tonight.. '

I headed towards my friendly neighborhood grocery store
where the wonders of produce
belies hours of gastronomic pleasure

That was how I came to be
With a Sandman in one hand
A Shiraz and feta cheese soaked in olive oil on the other
passing an unremarkable but very full-bodied night
.... and that is just the overture

Now a bitter chocolate to accompany the 2nd
or maybe 3rd or 4th glass of red..
it has tapered to a sweet, lilting end note

Dark claret on dark mahogany
contrast and compliment
a sensory symphony

I savored each silver of rich decadence
with a fully satisfied lick of the lips



Pondering the endless complex reflections that Sandman besots
and watching Gremlins with my dad

Somehow the weight of loss and regret
is always not far from the mind

I am not a happy person
I try to be the best person I can be
but thats about it

For now, a wine a couch and a book ..will do
Waiting for that piece that fit just right

A fitting sign-off
~ The hardest thing I've done, is keep beliving..
that theres someone in this crazy world for me




j

:: My Song :: for now

It would seem like I have come full circle
and this song has become even more fitting then ever
To how I feel tonight ..

When words fail you
there are always other people out there
better able to articulate it then you ...

So lets hear it for Karen's favorite Carpenters song..
and now mine too >>

The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing
There's someone in this crazy world for me

The way that people come and go through temporary lives
My chance could come and I might never know

I used to say "no promises, let's keep it simple"
But freedom only helps you say Good-bye

It took a while for me to learn
That nothing' comes for free
The price I've paid is high enough for me

(*) I know I need to be in love
I know I've wasted too much time
I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world
And fool enough to think that's what I'll find

So here I am with pockets full of good intentions
But none of them will comfort me tonight

I'm wide awake at four a.m.
Without a friend in sight
Hanging on a hope but I'm alright


~ by Richard Carpenter & John Bettis & Albert Hammond
------------------------------------------------------

You kinda know the state you have fallen into
When you start relating your life to a pop song...


But I still think that the lyrics are beautiful and melancholic

And the song plays in my head for now
like a siren..
drawing me to crash and burn
upon the rocky coasts of reality



<3 j

:: quote of the day::

As it had laid on my coffee table everyday
staring at me with the soulful eyes
of a cockel spaniel in an SPCA advertisement..


I had finally relented
and picked it up for a read
while ignoring other jealous little literary daggers
radiating from my bookshelf


But it has proven to be a wonderful companion
on my ride home
embarrassing me in front many innocent paserbys
while i snickered uncontrollably into the book





The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld
As as usual Terry Pratchett doesn't fail to deliver
Like a condensed version of every punchline made by the Master
It brings you down the memory lane of every book you have read
and remind you why he is undeniably--- unbeatable


To extract my favorite quotes from there is pretty futile
Considering that I will probably end up posting the entire book
which will probably make me a criminal for plagerism
not to mention the monster callouses
that will afflict my poor fingers


And why should I pay $40 bucks for that book
while you cheapskates read it from the web ;p
so buy your own book ..lol


Nonetheless
It is a MONDAY and everybody deserves some cheering up ..
So here is a tasty morsel to tempt the taste buds
like the licking of whipped cream off a frappe


" In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than soap, and much more difficult to find..."


"The shape of DNA, it is popularly said, owes its discovery to the chance sight of a spiral staircase when the scientist's mind was just at th right receptive temperature. Had he used the lift, the whole science of genetics might have been a good deal different. *

* Although, possibly, quicker. And only licensed to carry fourteen people."


And now with my nightly meditations on the keyboard done..
I shall proceed to enjoy the book till I fall asleep
dampening the book ever so slightly with my enthusiastic drool ..


lights out

:: My french love affair ::

An unassuming dirt path
That seemingly leads to nowhere


Walk along it and you will find...
a gateway into another world
one which opens your mind to new experiences
of joy, laughter, amazement and the bittersweet


Alliances Françaises is one of those relatively undiscovered gems in Singapore
and recently I am rediscovering it ...
enjoying their movie screenings every Tuesday
The eclectic array of movie offerings are a wonder to explore
Straying far from the usual sameness of Hollywood.
And at $7.20 a movie
I think its the most value-for-money education one can find


Now I eagerly check Sistic for the next movie,
the next adventure, the next new experience
But it is a journey that I rather not embark upon alone
Part of the fun is in discussing the movie afterwards
And learning more along the way...


Luckily I was able to marshal some troops last week
for the screening of Perseoplis..





::wikipedia's plot summary::
An animated film based on Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical graphic novel of the same name. The story follows a young girl as she comes of age against the backdrop of the Iranian Revolution, which goes horribly wrong with Islamic fundamentalists taking power and creating a new theocratic tyranny themselves; the story ends with Marjane as a 21-year-old expatriate.


The title is a reference to the historic city of Persepolis.
The film won the Jury Prize at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival


While some people might wonder ...
>> How can such a serious issue be addressed in animation?


I felt that they have managed to utilize the freedom
and artistic representations in animation...
done mostly in black and white,
with choice splashes of colour..
to tell the story simply and eloquently.


In a very refreshing way,
with sensitivity, candidness and
peppered with the occasional black humor.


There were times where the whole theater laughed out loud together
emphatising with the protagonist
feeling and seeing the story through her eyes


I left feeling more connected to the history of Iran and its people
However with more knowledge
..we are able to see the ugliness of mankind and the world with greater clarity
Which can weight down as a burden for the heart..


However, despite leaving with a slightly heavy heart
I felt my mind more open, more seeing, more free
With new knowledge, comes liberation from the fence
that ignorance builds around us


And to be able to soar above the mundane and microscopic view
of my life and my everyday world..


>> It is a definite worthy price to pay..


So a toast to Alliances Françaises
and its dedication in sharing such treasures with the rest of us.

:: my journey towards film nirvana::

An ode to a friend..


He has decided to pass down his infinite wisdom of film appreciation
and given me a list of must-watch movies that
I...the slack pupil
... had shunned without knowing their true magic


So to honor my Shi Fu Movie Connoisseur,
Let me present my :: Movie Hit List ::


1. Pulp Fiction
2. The History of Violence
3. Fight Club
4. American History X
5. The Secret
6. Eastern Promises
7. American Beauty
8. Prestige
9. Bladerunner
10. Night Watch
11. Day Watch
12. Crash
13. 3:10 to Uma
14. Flags of our father
15. Into the Wild
16. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind


3 more than the 13 books I will have to read.
While there will be no balancing on beams by the seaside
nor waxing of cars with 2 hands


I will aim to be at the top of my game on this
And not let my shi fu down..
I will be .. The Couch Potato Kid!!
*ahem*
sound track please...
ta ta ta ....
ta ta ta ...

Book Hit List ~ death by reading

A link to the "All time 100 books" by Time Magazine
and a question of "how many have you read?"
was posted to me just last week..


That piqued my interest
and I went about the challenge..scrolling and counting


And I am not ashamed to admit..
My amazingly pitiful head count was >>
3 novels read from cover to cover
3 more..started but not finished...
And many many more that I have always wanted to read
but never got around to


While I do not agree with ALL of the author's picks
(Zadie Smith = *yawns*)
And I wish some others were inside
(Come on ..wheres Pride and Prejudice? )


At the end of the day ..
Its all personal


I might just happen to have crappy taste for books
yes..
me ..
the one who shys away from anything that even smells of
feel-good and romance


who could tell right ;p


But bare with me here..
As the list did inspire me to adapt a shorter list
of the books that I must read in the next couple of years
Well.. Preferably before I die ..


So here it goes:


My own Book Hit List >>


1. Brideshead Revisited~ Evelyn Waugh
2. A Death in the Family~ James Agee
3. Animal Farm~ George Orwell
4. Light in August~ William Faulkner
5. Lord of the Flies~ William Golding
6. Catch- 22 ~ Joseph Heller
7. A Clockwork Orange~ Anthony Burgess
8. Mrs. Dalloway~ Virginia Woolf
9. The Grapes of Wrath~ John Steinback
10. I, Claudius~ Robert Graves
11. Watchmen~ Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
12. 1984~ George Orwell
13. War and Peace~ Leo Tolstoy


Yeap my lucky no. 13..
And I shall go about attacking these books with the same vengeance
Uma Thurman goes about ticking names off her list in Kill Bill
*eee hah!*


While these books will probably be read in between
other equally interesting books that catch my fancy
I hope to at least tick off at least 4 in a year
Hmm.. which will make that a 3-year hit job ;p


And I hope to read more "classics" in time ..
Despite the fact that our education system does not support
the active appreciation of classics


I think it is still important for us to strike a balance
in understanding what drove the literary world in the past
and what is is relevant to us in the future..


One will never be poorer for reading more..


And if this has intrigued you as much as it did to me


Here is the link>>

http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/the_complete_list.html

Art of War and Relaxation

If Sun Tze ever swam in a public swimming pool
He would have dedicated part of his all-famous war strategies to it


I know that swimming is suppose to calm you
But anybody who has ever swam in a public swimming pool..
ON A WEEKEND
Will know that it is more like a mad-cap Super Mario game


The journey from one end of the pool to another
is filled with numurous obstacles and sudden ambushes
that it will make entering Mango on a 70% sale
or finding dancing space in Puture at Zouk on a saturday night
seem like a delightful stroll in the park ...


Ever tried minding your own business and keeping to you own lane?
One that you have so carefully chosen to avoid any other swimmers.
Far away from the screaming kiddies in PJs, and googles>>
Like over-enthusiastic alien tadpoles learning to swim


But somehow..
once you start swimming..
you feel like a super hero .
not in a good way ...


In the way that >>
It seems like all forces of evil are plotting to get you


With the first stroke..
Rouge kiddes appear, straying into your lane..
And while you are being distracted by them
some guy JUST happen to want to swim in the exact same lane as you
Despite the many other elatively free lanes available.


As you re-enter the water after gasping for breath
you see that dude tunneling towards you ..
not caring what is in his way.. not seeing either

And there are the occasional "floaters"
older folks.. who stubbornly swim the breath of the pool at their own leisure
making everybody who are swimming the length stop to let them pass


THEN there are the "road blocks"
who hang around the end of the pool
suntanning, chatting... or trying their best to look cool
basically not doing any swimming at all

In the end ..everything boils down to a game of chicken
If you see someone in your path of motion
just keep on swimming forward
the loser will be the one who shifts their course just in time
to avoid a deadly aquatic collision


While I do not exactly have a death wish
But every time I enter a public swimming pool
I become this aggressive lioness
possessively protecting my territory
Ready to dish out a "friendly" kick (not hard of course)
in the direction of anyone who dare to veer too close into my lane


And this, I have to shamefully admit ..
is not me at my civic minded best.. ;p


But I SWEAR .. I never laid a hand (or feet in this case)
on the kiddies


As much as I would have liked to stuff their blindingly fluorescent swimming caps
into their mouths to stop them from breaking the sound barrier with their shreking


While I'm sure all these said will make me sound like a vicious mean old biddy
And I should just go get a private pool *like duh*
But till that happens
I will keep my gripes


However .. I did enjoy my swim today
The feel of my body weightlessly cutting through the water
In an water-logged choreographic ballet
feeling every muscle straining with every stroke
and the fragmented sunlight entering the water and caressing my skin


With that I shall end with a promotion of ::Jaslyn's Spa::


Feeling in need of some TLC,
I decided to pamper myself with my very own home-spa session
Having bought a "love me" package from Bodyshop
I set about exfoliating and moisturizing..
~ the whole shebang


After an evening of....
papaya body scrub
strawberry body moisturizer
grape seed cuticle oil
tea bag eye mask
seaweed face mask
and oilve oil hair mask


I felt ..and smelt like an exotic fruit salad..
yummmy ..


NOW for a limited time only ..
There is a one for one promotion at Jaslyn's home spa
>> Bring a bottle of wine
and you get 1 free spa session..


AND if you bring cheese along as well
you will get a free massage ..


lol
hows that for a sweet deal..

:: Strange Invitation ::

The sky was turning a purplish hue
from grey to violet to dark indigo blue


slight, a gentle breeze tug at my hair
playfully blowing them into my face


the stars were making their stellar appearances
with a hint of the bashful moon


what a wonderful night for a run...


And ran i did>>
Up the endless stairs of fort canning
through its leafy refuge


my lungs fueled by the cool night air
heady with tropical scents


Accompanied by the street lamps
I see furtive couples huddled under the cover of shadows
and a lone jogger or 2 panting by


I startled a cat patiently stalking a prey
way out of my sight


But from its stilled hunched body
With tension in every muscle
I could almost see a pounce waiting to take flight



My passing only warranted a cursory glance from Mr Cat
Not worthy of its interest


Just like we would not pause our lives
to see a fly buzz by


Feeling rather slighted
I continued on my running route


Crossing bridges and fields
and past the brightly lit esplanade
all decked and pimped out ..
ready for a big show on August, the 9th..


Rehearsals was on going full steam ahead
and as a monstrous ferris wheel rose gaily before me..
Neon green, pink and blue lighting up the now darkening sky
like a giant circular Christmas tree..


I heard strands of our national day song


Despite being allergic to patriotism
and any other -isms that require my whole-hearted belief
that the actions of a few men are for the greater good of me


Still...
I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand
not literally that is..
but close enough..


Its amazing how
underneath that veneer of skepticism
and general disillusionment of the society as a whole
this jaded little heart
can still be touched by some cheesy song about home


You go Kit Chan ..


And as I was fell into an easy rhythm
the background buzz of traffic lulling me
into a state of mind-out-of-body

Inevitably ...
I though of a strange invitation I had received today >>
"Do you want to join SDU?"

Well the answer was a firm and immediate
"Thanks but no thanks"

Not that I see it as a social stigma
it is just that ..


Kinda like the difference between


Wanting to buy a dress..


>>Rummaging through a lot of shops and getting distracted along the way ..
buying everything but the dress
trying a lot of dresses that you think might fit
only to be disappointed in the dressing room countless times..
and then finally
when you least expect it
you come across that perfect dress
*at the right price of course...


>>Versus..
having a professional shopper bring you a set of dresses
what she thinks might fit you
and you just pick the best one you like from there
and all is done with a snap of the fingers


Well...
I enjoy buying my dresses the old fashion way


Granted there are too many busy people out there
Caught up with their life and work
that they have to pay other people
to help them filter through a whole lot of people
and telling them who they should get to know better


*shrugs*
there is no accounting for logic


Now that we have ready-packaged spouses
and ready packaged weddings
what next ?


Ready packaged kids?
I should start a business
selling people the opportunity to grow the kids that they want


Consider this
Mom and Pop >> too busy with their own lives
to bother with the hassle of the trail and error method of raising kids


I can offer a package that allows them to >>
Choose the genes of their child-to-be,
How he/she is to look like,
What schools they should attend to
What skills they must learn..
Which type of friends they should hang out with


And wala!
Kids grown the way you want them..
Before you know it, they have become adults
to be just the way you expect them to be
..and can be proud of..


Tada !


Well .. perhaps in the future


Which seems so wrong


I shudder at the thought of what the world will be coming to


Well..
that short mental exercise all happened in the nice hour long run
which gave both my legs and my mind a good stretch


But the nagging question had taken root
deep in the crevices of my cerebral nodes


>>> Will I join SDU ..??
>> Even 10 years down the road.. and sitting on the shelf ??


hmm.. .




nahhhhhhh ...



I want to find that perfect dress myself..
Even if it means rummaging though flea markets and the likes
You never know where you just might find the perfect one
that fits you just right ..





<3

The Swimming Pool

The sun ...
was all dry heat and glare


The type ...
that reminds you of deserts and iguanas


While the tiles ...
baked like rolls of square biscuits


Burning my feet
ever so slightly,
as I tread my way across them


Squinting my eyes involuntarily,
I cast my slitted gaze
upon the prize I had came for...


It shone...
and sparkled and shimmered with promise


Crystal clear but yet
constantly in motion..


Playfully reflecting facets of light
that the adoring sun besotted upon it


Beckoning me..


One of the mysteries of human nature
is our attraction to precious stones..


And this one shown like liquid azure
Alluring like a siren's song ..


I slipped into it...
It was deliciously cool
Just as I had expected


Like an earnest lover..
it laps me up
engulfing me in its icy embrace


With a sigh of relief ...
I released myself to its adulation
Hopping that it will sooth my sorrows..


Inside that water
lost in a vast expense of blue
Intensifying into the distance


Indigo lane markings purposefully led the way
With the reassurance that it will being me safely
to the opposite end..


I kept to the blue lane markings as I swam
Knowing that if there is nothing in the world I can depend on
I can still depend on those faithful blue markings


If only life was as simple


And swam with vigour I did
Lap after lap


Trying my hardest to wash away the sorrow
To leave my tears like a trail of breadcrumbs
Into the oblivion of blue


Hoping against hope that psychical fatigue
Will numified all emotions


With each stroke ..
I could feel the pain being pushed away


And yet when I surface to gasp for air..
The waters lap back onto me,
surging back the tide of sorrow
with equal strength that i pushed it away


Thus.. the rhythmic cycle continued


Perhaps that is life
As are the laws of physics for that matter..
With each force
There is an equal and opposite reaction


It will never be possible to push away your pain
you can only absorb it


And in doing so
Allowing a space for happiness to enter as well...
With time.


As i glance at the clock to see the time
Its sameness provoked me


It could have been a clock in any swimming complex
from Bishan to Jurong to Chua Chu Kang


Why is it that all the clocks have to be the same
And the walls the same boring neutral shades
And the lifeguards..the same impassive air
Hiding behind mirrored glasses


But the one sameness that i cannot fault
Is the unobstructed view of the sky they provide


In that instant ..
With each breath I take
As I gazed up into the bright Tiffany-blue sky
Before falling back into the turquoise water for the next stroke
It almost seem that in my state of suspension
I am actually flying


Although air traffic is pretty heavy
as many blurred faces pushed past me..
entering my personal space
creating un-welcomed ripples in my path of flight


And I wonder
why are all these people here...


Do they seek the same sort of release as I did?


Many come in solitude
While others come in 2s and 3s
Laughingly splashing..
furtively talking..


What propels people to want to come
On a lazy Sunday afternoon
To a soulless public swimming pool


What are their thoughts
Their hopes
Their dreams
Their fears


Perhaps I lay submerged in a whirlpool of emotions
Contributed by each and every one who touched its depths


But does it care
I wondered
As i dripped my way out
Leaving small puddles of itself
to dry up mournfully in the sun


While it lay impassive
To the little crumb of sorrow I left behind
Deep in its aquamarine belly..


The Swimming Pool

:: Merida ::

Sitting in a dimly lit courtyard
in the sultry heat ..
enjoying whatever cool breeze i can get

listening to a lonesome guy in the corner
strumming his guitar ..
singing a plaintive Mexican song

His voice echos with melancholy
to the inattentive audience sitting here

I feel strangely awkward for him
to be singing to an unappreciative audience
to bare your soul
but nobody cares

when he ends his song
a silent pregnant pause filled the air
i clapp self-conciously
knowing that its probably not enough of a reward for him
but I am doing what I can

Life is full of such embarrassing little moments
but in time..
I will probably only remember his beautiful voice ..
haunting the night

Merida is full of beautiful colonial buildings
living out their last days of splendor
the peeling paint and dirty walls cannot hide
the beautiful iron lattice work of the grills
nor the ornate cornices and moldings
telling stories of the dreams and aspirations
of the wealthy when building such houses in the past

now .. most of these houses are occupied by laundromats,
auto-shops and internet cafes
which is sad..but inevitable i guess
goes to show that life still goes on
on matter what happens

Hopefully I will get to go snorkel in the Cenotes tomorrow
Limestone caves, carved out by the waves
Sounds and looks beautiful in the brochure
But then they always do
If only life is as simple as a colourful brochure
short , concise and all exciting ..



on the long road to Merida
I know I'm suppose to think and reflect
and find an understanding with myself
however..when forced into such a position
I rather watch the cars zoom by me in repetition
... typical

Like a breeze through San Fran

It is not called the windy city for nothing
Like a breeze through San Fran
We stormed the city .. and left many spinning in our wake..

well... not EXACTLY

How shall or should I begin

Charming as charming can be when I'm freezing my toes off..
>>Would be my most honest statement

While we started out with all those ambitious plans
of places to go and things to do
when it came to the actual execution ..
as usual...
there is no perfect plan ...

Jet-lag is a big culprit
and the constant need to go into a coffee house for a hot drink
to recover from almost-frost-bite would be another big reason
and of course when you have 2 people the the combined attention span of a squirrel
attacked by the constant tendency to go into trigger-happy fits
>> There you go

In the end
out of like 6 places we plan to hit a day..
we end up with like 3 destinations..
all reached through a meandering route
filled with fruitful stop-overs

I guess.. in the end..
We wont really remember much of the Golden Gate Bridge ..
other than it being very big an very red ..(like duh)
And we wont remember much of the Fishermen Wharf ...
other than it being like a Disney theme park..
filled with corny gifts
>> that only the very taste-challenged can think of

But we will vividly remember the long-slow-motioned 2k trod
through the soft sand by the beach

A sunset view enjoyed with great Merlot and feet-tapping jazz..

The little Italian deli that we bumbled into..
authentically decked out, hanging salami and all
and the wonderful beef sandwich and pasta salad
which never the likes have I ever tasted in Singapore before

I can paint many more pretty pictures but I have to stop somewhere
Or Ill be here typing all night
and without much context ..
much is lost in translation
or in this case
>>my lousy narration ;p

The beauty of travel ..is that nothing ever happens as expected ..

Hopefully a sunny Mexico will be awaiting tomorrow..
because if I ever feel that cutting wind through my bones again..
I will have to start burning all the shorts and bikinis
that I bought for this trip to keep myself toasty

The horrors.. !

Well to scorching sun, pesky mosquitoes bites and sand up my butt
>>> Here I come


ready or not ...

Right there waiting

4 days and counting..
finally after talking toot about Mexico for so long..
the talk is finally firming up into reality

Route is set.. well roughly
travel is all about the spontaneity ...
right..? ...
right.. ;p

My first accommodation booked..
And now all I have to do is packed the gigantinomous backpack...
When my friend asked me if I wanted to borrow his 70 liter or 40 liter backpack..
Well the choice is obvious >> ain’t it ??

I need all that space to fill up the goodies..!!!

hmmm..
Maybe I should I just bring my bikinis
And leave even more space for shopping!!
ooooo the dilemma..

Already there is a growing list from people on what I have get/do in Mexico
1. Find out why they put the legendary lemon wedge in the all-famous beer
2. Jumping beans >> well Im sure its even more hilarious when you are drunk..
3. The hottest chili in Mexico >> and I do not mean the girls
4. The ever coveted ipod..>> well I AM stopping by the US
5. To taste all the fantastic Mexican cuisine >> their grasshoppers, their mole
AND their men*..
* well a certain source** told me that Mexican men aren’t very good
**I assume he had tried them before..so maybe I might just give them a miss

But who knows...
I just might do it all in the name of adventure ..
If lucky I mind find a Ronaldo look-alike (the Man Utd one.. not the buck-toothed one)
Who has strayed up far from home..
Hmmm…

In view of all the re-fried beans and guacamole I will be eating in the coming 2 weeks
I had foolishly believed that I can make it good by going for an epic run..
While I know most guys will roll their eyes..
Saying that eating is not like Maths.. >> there is no perfect balanced equation.
The cupcake you just ate, won’t miraculously disappear after a gym session
The cupcake will be STILL on your HIPs
The exercise just moved the fats around a bit ;p

Well ..with my female logic foolishly pushing me on
I had embarked on a prodigious run ..
The one same route that I had taken before>> and gave up halfway the last time..
Dying for a drink..I had turned around to head back home for some life-saving agua..

Well I survived it..
Enjoyed my first sunset in a long time..
Pat some cute babes and even cuter doggies
Listened to the birds chirping and missed stepping on a snail or 2 by just this much..
Out-run the some fat kid on a bike and a Gurka (well only for a very short distance..right at the start)

All in all it was a very ..well satisfying run..
I managed to half-run-limp-crawl back.. with an almost-butt-cramp
And the full-moon in the darkening skies laughing down at me.
Reminding me that inside this 25 yr-old body,
There are 50 yr old knees..and probably 40 yr old kidneys..

But all the while.. these images were going through my mind..

>> white sandy beaches..


>>ancient ruins


>> and all the tequila I can drink..
Well.. I WAS thirsty from the run..


Right now .. I am reading the wonderful ‘The Art of Travel’..
And while it says that the anticipation of travel will always bring disappointment in reality..
I on the other hand believe to never expect anything
Then.. every experience will be new and exciting..
It might not be the most fun…nor the most idealized.. but it will different 

In my heart.. I still believe in the romance of travel
The mysticism of lands unexplored..
The trill of trying something total foreign..
And the friends made along the way..

This is to travel.
I toast to thee
...with all the tequila I can drink :)

The Oldest Game On Earth

The place was appropriately dim
And the beer was flowing freely
There we sat in our front row seats..
Just in time to catch the match being played at the bar

And so it begins..
Opposition won the toss..

Starts out smoothly.. Posturing and all
First..He invades her private space..
Whispering close to her ear..
all the while gazing into her eyes..

Ooh ...
but a clever deflection from the home side!
She placed her glass in front of her
In between them..
Defending her space well. .. and laughing as she did so

Looks like a tough match tonight…
Both sides are experienced at the game and raring to go..

The Opposition gets frustrated.. flustered even
At the lack a goal in sight..

But he preservers on
Buying her another drink and another …

This time he tries a different tactic..
First he sneaks quick touches at her elbow
As he talked animatedly..
Disguising it all as part of the story-telling

And she unwittingly let that pass..
Preoccupied with her drink and the story unfolding..

Suddenly..
he starts touching her shoulder...
Success! As he moved past the first level of defence

She smiles on..
perhaps defences weakening
Losing stamina (or just the alcohol working)

Sensing a slack in the defence ..
He moves in for the kill
With a flourish..he ends his story
And while she tilts her head back to laugh..
He angles himself in ..
Catches the back of her head and he brushes in a kiss..

Score!!...
1 - nil

As suddenly as it began..
The whistle is blown..
HALF TIME

Well… That’s about all I saw of that match
Didn’t stay long enough to watch the second half being played out

But I guess..
Only those involved in the match would have known the final score
Perhaps both side won..
Perhpas it was a loosing game..

Its amazing the things you see ..
If you open your eyes..
And there I was.. just hoping for a margarita and a decent DJ

But with a name like Gypsy Bar..
One might expect some magic to happen that night..

KL has its charms.
And it was a wonderful birthday
I cant believe I have actually survived for 25 year ..

I keep expecting myself to be having some sort of quarter-life-crisis..
Perhaps … I more well-adjusted than I thought..

Perhaps its all the wonderful people around me
That make life too fun to worry about the little things

Like growing old.. ;p

Cheers

The 2 Kinds of Riches

Since all the riches of all this world
may be gifts from the devil and earthly kings,
I should suspect that I worshipped the devil
If I thanked God for worldly things

The countless gold of a merry heart
The rubies and pearls of a loving eye,
The idle man never can bring to the mart
Nor the cunning hoard up in his treasury

~ William Blake

To all my friends who have just graduated
... anxiously awaiting entry into the working world

Hope none of you will be lost in the myriad
of the mindless mass money-making monster
that is our industry.

<3 the pureness of joy derived from truly living
is worth more than all the treasures in the world <3

A toast to more crazy times to come!! muacks

Beached in Bali

The past few weeks had been madness
it felt like I'm back at week 12 of uni term
which coincidentally WAS actually week 12
of SMU term..

To all the nerds mugging in the library now
with only 3 hours of sleep but 100 more readings,
4 more textbooks and 10 more past exams papers
to go through...

I give you the proverbial finger
by lazying by the pool with a book in hand
wondering if I should have my eggs scrambled or sunny side up ..

lallalallalalal



okay I'm not that cruel
but as i was gazing into the Bali sunset
with the sea salt crystallizing in my hair
i wonder if this is what all the mugging is for

What have all the mugging got me
other than bouts of bad acne, love handles from too much junk food
and stained teeth from too much coffee

In the end ..
the coffee stains remains
Only now, I have more money to pay for facial and healthier food
which leaves my wallet alot lighter
which again begs the question
where does that leave me...

But I digress ..
Back to hell week..
While the final presentation in school
accounts for 30% of your final grade
which seemed to be a life or death situation back then

My presentation at the Bali Conference
probably accounts for the rest of my career

well ..okay
that may be a wee too drama
but I guess if I had totally sucked
in front of my colleagues from all over Asia
and some big shots from Europe
well...

I can probably throw myself into Bali sea
and hope for the crashing waves to
sweep me away into oblivion

Sounds romantic...
alas, i dint get to die with such melodrama..
thankfully it all went better than I thought
with people asking for my presentation
Although I was a nervous wreak ~

I changed 4 outfits in the morning
then deciding on to wear back the first outfit
I sprayed perfume on myself 3 time without realising
I poured papaya juice onto my cereal
I talked to my eggs
seriously...

Ah well
at least this tale
has a fairy tale ending
in a family entertainment kinda way..
a la ~disney cute







BECAUSE THERE WAS NO DECENT PUBS
IN THE WHOLE BLOODY STRETCH OF PRIVATE BEACHES...
thus gone was the chance for crazing boozing
bar top dancing
sexcapades on the beach...

okay maybe NOT the last part
but at least watching OTHER people frolicking by the beach
would have been more entertaining
then trying to drink myself to a very bad hangover
on cheap red wine..
by a bar that does not play any music
and a bartender that cannot pronounce "Cabernet Sauvignon"


and the waves continues to crash
time waits for no man
but the sand sinks in
as I step on it
dragging me down
"wait for me"
i shout at the sea
"wait for me, for i cant catch up
.....wait for me"
but the sea turns a deaf ear
dancing in its frothy white skirt
with the stars as the audience
leaving me washed ashore ....

Are you the Clod or the Pebble

The Clod and the Pebble

"Love seeketh not itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And Builds a heaven in hell's despair"

So sung a little clod of clay,
Trodden with the cattle's feet.
But a pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:

"Love seeketh only Self to please,
To blind another to its delight,
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a hell's in heaven's despite."

~ William Blake

While reading Blake as I ambled home
I found this poem that struck a cord
especially i was just talking about love
i shall continue with this theme
with more food for thought

are you a pebble or are you a clod?

happy pondering....

and i must say
Blake proves to be a wonderful companion
for those long walks home..

Paris, Je T'aime

Paris, I love you..
from the city of romance
comes 18 stories of love from the heart of the city
18 five minute clips by 18 different directors
all based on the title theme..
with a huge assortment of famous stars

At first glance one might wonder
how beliveable can this be
with actors like Elija Wood and director Wes Craven
would it become a hollywood version of an arthouse flick
like a wolf in a sheeps clothing
all the grittyness removed to be made palatable for the masses

I had my reservations..
especially since im not a romance-chick flick kinda gal
give me Apocalypto anytime...
and never try to force me to sit through Lake House ;p

Never-the-less it had turned out
to be a rather interesting experience
For I guess..
epecially in our age
we tend to forget love is far more than being 1 dimensional

the flick in that short 90mins
had managed to conveyed that love
is more than just romance

it is about...
~lost memories that we hang on to
~maternal connections that transcends physical distance
~closure that doesnt come with death
~expectations that we cannot fulfill
~responsibilities that tie us down
~purity and innocence

But yet..like a enfant terrible
it can be fickle, selfish, cruel, lost in delusions
and just full out weird...

and we are just caught in its storm
like swirling leaves...

The most poignant clip for me
was about an American Lady
who learns french so as to travel to pars
as we listen to her speak in panifully slow french..
she becomes more and more pitiful
with delusions of her solitude life
that you begin to feel sorry for her..
and then you laugh at her to cover up your embaressment for her
then in the end
you start to see the world from her view
and you realise
that who you are doesnt make you more deservable of love
it is something almost so etheral
that to be in love is just to feel blessed

Paris is a wonderful setting for the film
it makes me miss Europe even more
i wonder what would it be like if the film was set in Singapore
well definately not something i will see
if Jack Neo is the one directing it ;p

Tagline: One City. 10 Million Hearts. One Love Story. One Film.

sometimes I wonder what is love
and am I in love

now perhpas i can see that i have always been in love
in many many small ways...

by loving life
you love everything that encompass it
<3

as for now..
I shall spread some love ..


A very hot king he will make
I cant wait for his new film ..
Hollywood crap or no crap..

No more roses to stop and smell...

The new year seems to bring with it a certain lazyness..
its as if we left ourselves back in 2006 while being pulled into 2007
the inertia weighting us down..
as we move in this new year with swimming pool slowness...


Perhaps the imminent chinese new year will jolt us into action
But even the new year has taken its time to come
Being the year of the pig...
who can be surprise ;p
And I shall celebrate it like the pig that i am..
havign seen 2 full cycles of the zodiac..
my time has come again!


celebrate all ye fellow pigs...
it is our year
and what best way to celebrate it than to eat
yes...
barbecued pork and roast pork and pig trotters!!
yums
i can wait for the slaughter to start..
bawhhahahhaha


well before the aroma of honeyed crispy skin can fill the air
let us celebrate the perfume of flowers
hundreds and hundreds of bouquets
i saw being unloaded at the florist
while i was out for lunch
you can almost see the florist grinning with manic glee
thinking about all the poor guys she can swindle off money
"buy a bigger bouquet lahh"
she will say ..
"the more flowers "..
"the more she will love you.."


as if flowers can be quantified into love
the only thing these innocent looking roses can quantify into
is 12 bucks each.. flying outa your pocket..
phew.. faster than u can say....
"i love you" ...


In this mad captilaist world
let us all take a moment to ponder and remember
that love is not about ...
what brand of chocolates you get
or how many gifts you have unwrapped
in the end
the number of flowers dont mean a thing


However i am not a total sad sack ;p
let this be my ode to my Shanghai Romance

my love for natural lattice work


The view outside my hotel

cute hoghe-porch of small houses with a backdrop of sky scrapers



interesting colonial houses that the british left behind



The wonderful french connection





Obscure art galleries tucked in a corner of the industrial area





Blackie in repost



Lots of art work on anti-capitalism





The outside grafitti is just as interesting



To my relief .. the museums were not all about traditional art







While abstract is not my cup of tea ..
i think it has provided an intresting education
perhaps i am not giving the art form enough credit





alot of time was spent reading maps in the cold...



While i entertain myself snapping pics..




























its wonderful to walk the small streets
and discover the real city beneath all that cosmopolitan
althou with a heavy heart
i can see its character slowly being erroded
under a film of shiny westernisation
where every few feet is a starbucks
and mass consumerism moves to the beat of mass standardization

Even this little villiage of zhou zhuang
is no longer the quaint water-village it used to be
its claim to fame as the
Venice of the East
had brougth millions there
including Tom Cruise
who filmed Mission Impossible 3 on location there

but regardless of all that ..
it is nice to try and imagaine
yourself back in time
enjoying a true blue ancient chinese sunset







and this is one of my sweetest memory of Shanghai
I loveeee breakfast..



But this of course will be the saccarin-dripped-in-honey-sweetest
memory of alll..



awww....
to the one who kept me warm
fed me well
and made sure we dint get lost
<3